Triangle
by DanshiDerp
Summary: Kanda has always loved Allen deeply, but Lavi has feelings for Kanda. How will the triangle work out? There can be a happy ending for those who are in love? Rated M in later chapters! KandaxAllen, one sided LavixKanda and others, please RxR! Complete!
1. Let's find Allen!

**Triangle Chapter 01**

Summary: Kanda has always loved Allen deeply, but Lavi has feelings for Kanda. How will the triangle work out?

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This is my first fanfiction of D.Gray-man also the first one to submit here! Please be kind ;P

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It had been a few days since Allen had successfully returned with the Ark, along with the people inside it, to the Order's headquarters. Research into the mysterious Noah artefact was underway but little progress had been made in the time it had been present, despite the fact that many people were working at all hours of the day to figure it out. When Lavi had volunteered himself and a grumpy Kanda to help with the work they had been simply waved away, as they were of little use with their limited scientific knowledge.

Allen was still confiding himself to remain within the Ark, with none but Timcanpy and a mountain of food to keep him company. Occasionally, he would play the melody that was engraved onto the forefront of his memory on the large white piano that shared his room with him. Every time he played the beautiful tune, he felt more sorrowful than before, feeling unclear on why he knew the piano notes so well, why he was still in the Ark, and whether he was doing the correct thing or not. The boy was a wreck.

Lavi and Kanda, who were still meant to be resting in the hospital wing, had been punished severely when they had been found trying to reach Allen in the Ark.

However, determined as he was to help his friend, Lavi had once again snuck out while the head nurse was busying herself with calming a hysterical Miranda, who had accidentally knocked over the vase of flowers (courtesy of Komui) that sat on the new little table in between her bed and Lenalee's.

To the redhead's immense surprise, he found himself in the company of Kanda upon closing the door on his way out. The Japanese man had too, apparently, taken the same chance as Lavi and left while he could.

Lavi beamed at his friend widely, trying to hug him.

"Yuu-chan!" He said, suddenly deciding it wasn't a great idea to hug him after all when he saw Kanda's eyes glint dangerously. Even though Mugen was no longer present, the exorcist was still terrifying. "What're you doing out here? Did you manage to get out easily?"

"Don't call me that ridiculous name, Baka-Usagi," Kanda spat, stepping away from Lavi. He said nothing more, but stole a glance down the long corridor that eventually led to where the Ark was being held.

"Oh! Yuu-chan! Could it be that-?"

"Shut it, idiot."

"-You want to come with me to find Allen again!"

"… Che. Baka-Usagi."

"Aww Yuu-chan," Lavi teased, slinging an arm around the other man's shoulders loosely, "If I knew you any better then I'd be convinced that you care."

The so-called Baka-Usagi had to stop himself from adding 'you're so cute!' at the end of his sentence. He didn't want to die horrifically just yet.

Kanda sighed and removed Lavi's arm from around his shoulders. Of course he cared. Of course he wanted to go and see the dense Moyashi, to make sure he was alright and not dying of starvation or something like that. Despite outward appearances, he held Allen Walker dear to him. Especially since the Moyashi had come back from China.

"Like hell I do," he said, perhaps with a bit too much venom in his voice. "Like hell I want to see him. But if you go alone, and get lost, then I'll get the blame. They'll know I let you go."

The Bookman stared at his friend in mild confusion for a few seconds. Being under his intent gaze made Kanda feel uncomfortable; the idiot didn't have to stare that hard, did he? Lavi snapped out of it when he appeared to come to some kind of conclusion, and his cheeks turned a faint pink, much to Kanda's disgust.

"Yuu-chan" he said, his voice high and feminine, "You're showing indirect concern for me it's embarrassing!" And just to make the other exorcist shudder, he playfully added a 'kyaah' at the end of his sentence.

"Che. Do as you please. It has nothing to do with me anymore."

"Eh?! But Yuu-chan, you just said that you need to look after me! Or something like that, anyway…"

"Changed my mind."

"Wha?"

Lavi hurried after Kanda as he walked off, irritated with the redhead and his constant playfulness.

"OK, I'm sorry Yuu-chan. I'll behave now," he apoligised, desperately wanting to grab the man's hand and make him look at him. Properly. Truth was, he had liked Kanda for as long as he could remember. He had known that the chances of getting the Japanese exorcist to accompany him to visit their comrade were high, and had taken that chance. Just waiting for the time to go had been excruciatingly painful, as was having to sleep in the same room as him. It was all he could do to stop himself from attacking Kanda in his sleep with kisses.

The raven haired man never paid much attention to Lavi. He was always either off on missions with other people, or bitch fighting with Allen. They rarely ever spent any time together at all, and the only person that Kanda would go out of his to find was the younger white haired exorcist, even if it was just so that he could pick on him while in a bad mood. It didn't make sense to the Bookman: why did Kanda never act like that around him? A part of Lavi wanted his friend to treat him badly too rather than pretty much just ignore him, just so that they could be together a little bit more.

Why only Allen? The redhead asked himself. Does he really hate him that much? Unless, it wasn't hate…

"Hey, Kanda…" Lavi said quietly, catching up to his friend, "do we really have to go and find Allen? I mean, we're not allowed, and chances are we'll get caught again…"

Kanda stopped walking, causing Lavi to walk straight into his back. "You just called me Kanda," he stated, eyeing the Bookman carefully, wondering what kind of miracle had been performed.

"Eh? Y-yeah, guess I did," Lavi laughed nervously, annoyed at his mistake. He always called the samurai 'Yuu-chan' so as to keep the distance between them as great as possible. If he tried to get too friendly or too emotionally close to the cold hearted man, then it would hurt more. Rejection hurt.

"And you don't actually want to see Moyashi anymore," Kanda continued, a mix of feelings rising within himself. If Lavi went back, then he couldn't go on his own. It was too out of character, and people would get suspicious. Kanda, the man who hates everyone, was doing something for someone else's benefit? That's how they'd think. He really didn't need to put up with that.

But then again, if he couldn't go, then he would be in ruins. He wanted to see Allen so badly that it hurt. But of course, this was Kanda. Pride comes first over personal feelings.

"Yeah…" Lavi replied, cutting off Kanda's thoughts, "Y'know, since we'll be in trouble if we're caught, like last time… I don't wanna be in trouble again… Ahaha…" he finished weakly with a small laugh. Kanda was not convinced at all. But to be honest, he didn't care all that much.

"Do as you please," he said, pissed off at the suddenly quiet idiot before him, "If you want to see him, then fine, go. If you don't, go back to bed and sleep. I don't care."

_God dammit Baka-Usagi, why must you be like this? I want to see him._

"Do as I please?"

"That's what I said."

"Anything?"

"What are you, as dense as the Moyashi? Yes, anything, if you must."

Blushing slightly, Lavi acted on impulse. Bending down ever so slightly since the height difference wasn't that big at all, he kissed a shocked Kanda gently on the lips briefly, and no where near for as long as he would have liked.

"That's all I want," he murmured, not looking at Kanda's face. "I'll go see Allen now."

Kanda stared at the redhead's back as he walked away, wondering just what on earth had happened there. Did Lavi like him? Or was that just another of his stupid antics? He didn't have a clue.

After a few minutes, he eventually followed after his friend. He'd see Allen after all today it seemed, and he was very much in the mood to try out Lavi's actions on the younger boy. If Lavi could do it, so could he.

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**Ya. So, that's the first chapter! If people like it then I'll update; chapter 2 is already partly done so yey! And a thank you to azab for pointing out that Lavi is taller than Kanda : I always thought Kanda was the taller xD;**


	2. A little confession

**Triangle Chapter 02**

**OK! Chapter 02 is up! And I only put chapter 01 up yesterday :O I really hope people are liking my story, I promise that it'll get deeper and contain lots more shounen-ai a bit later on :3 at the moment I'm sort of lacking creative power since collage is draining TT the first chapter received over 100 hits! w I would love to see that many (and more) for this chapter 3 also, reviews are adored. So please review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man. If I did, Kanda would be topless in every episode and chapter. **

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"Allen!! Where are you?!"

"Shut up, Baka-Usagi! Not so loud! He's not dead, you know."

"Yeah, but he might not hear!"

Somehow, through some kind of absolute miracle, the two sneaky exorcists had successfully infiltrated the Ark without being caught by the evil Reever or any other scientist that may try and hinder them in their quest. Lavi was proud of himself for picking the right time to run for all they were worth and practically dive through the door of light. Kanda was only concerned with not getting caught now that they were actually _inside_.

"This isn't a game, moron," Kanda glared at his friend; "If we get caught then I'll blame you and say you brought me here by force. And don't look at me like that," he added, seeing the look on Lavi's face that clearly said 'I couldn't even if I tried', "You know you could."

_True_, Lavi thought. G_rab him by the ear, give him a pull, and hey presto, Yuu-chan's yours. Gotta try that sometime for myself._

"Anyway," the exorcist said, now in a bad mood and failing to realise his companion was fantasying about him, "Let's find the damn Moyashi and get him out of here. He's probably left the door to the room he's in open, knowing him. And if he does actually have food with him, I bet my life he's left it trailing out of the doorway. Finding the idiot shouldn't be too hard."

The redhead, who had forced himself to stop thinking of ways he could capture the unsuspecting Japanese man at a convenient time, merely looked at him with his one good eye. His recent hyper state had passed in a flash upon hearing what Kanda had just said.

"You seem to know his traits awfully well, Yuu-chan," he said flatly.

"Che."

He wasn't going to get anymore than that. Had he hit a nerve there?

"And the only time you say more than a few words is when you talk about him."

Kanda didn't look at him. Just what was he trying to get at anyway? Kanda didn't know. It wasn't possible that Lavi knew about the other's feelings towards the white haired boy, since he always hid them so well. Or so he had believed up to now, anyway.

"That's because…"

Lavi waited for the rest of the sentence to follow, but decided to prompt it when it did not come after several seconds.

"That's because...?"

"Because he is incredible, like Lenalee," was the simple response. "Those two kids are strong."

"That doesn't explain why you know his traits so well."

"I notice things like that."

And it was left like that. Neither said anything as Kanda turned away and began looking for the room that contained the Musician. Lavi touched his own lips lightly, enjoying the feel of the leather gloves on his chin. Had it been the right thing to do, to kiss Kanda? It had not been much of a kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless. However, his friend hadn't reacted the way he had predicted; instead of either killing him or leaving all together, the other man had caught up with him a couple of minutes after being left standing alone in the corridor and behaved like nothing had happened. The Bookman would have liked some kind of reaction at least, even if it had been negative. It would have been proof that Kanda didn't always ignore him and brush him off as annoying and strange.

"Oh, really?" Lavi said, masking his sadness with a light and cheerful tone, "Well then, if that's reason, then you're pretty incredible Yuu-chan!"

The man of unknown origin laughed a little at the end of his sentence, although the reason as to why was quite unknown. Kanda didn't reply; Lavi's sudden change from hyper to quiet to cheerful had freaked him out just a slight bit. But then again, with Lavi, anything was possible when it came to his personality.

"Of course I am," Kanda said almost arrogantly, not looking back at the person behind him, who had also began walking and searching for the missing Bean Sprout, "You expect anything less?" His tone was almost teasing, as if it were trying to nudge the reason behind the redhead's behavioural changes out of him.

"Nope!" came the bright response from behind him, "and apart from being observant, Yuu-chan is also dead ho-"

Kanda stopped in his tracks as the word 'hot' almost escaped from the idiot's lips. Said idiot clamped his hands over his mouth as if in doing so he could erase the words he'd partially uttered. His train of thought had taken over his speech momentarily, and by the looks of things it was about to cost him his life.

"…What?" Kanda said quietly, turning around to face He Who Thought His Friend Was Hot.

"What?" Lavi repeated, hoping that the Japanese exorcist would think he was a moron, leave it at that, and be on his way to his precious Moyashi. But sadly that was not the case.

"You're full of surprises today, aren't you, Baka-Usagi."

"Eh? No! No no no! It's not what you think!" Lavi cried, running at Kanda with the intention of grabbing him by the upper arms but thinking better of it, "I was going to say 'horrible'! Yeah! Ahaha! Yuu-chan, you thought I was going to say 'hot', didn't you!"

Kanda looked at the embarrassed Bookman in front of him, resisting the huge urge to run away as fast as possible. And he never ran, not from anything, not even a Noah. So then, what was it about this guy that set off the warning bells in his head? He couldn't even tell if that was genuine embarrassment spread across his features or if it was fake and put on.

"Horrible?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Che. You're cruel, Baka-Usagi."

"Aww Yuu-chan! I'm not!"

"And stop calling me Yuu-chan, you bastard!"

Kanda's hands were gripping the front of Lavi's dark green top. He wasn't even sure when or why he had put them there. Lavi smiled a little and cocked his head to the right, getting a better look at his attacker through his good left eye. He knew he looked rather appealing like that, and now finally got to try it out on his love.

"But, if I was going to call you something nice," he said in a low and rather sexy voice that Kanda had never heard, "then I'd call you gorgeous, beautiful, and indescribably do-able. Honestly."

Kanda looked at his victim, shocked to the core. No one had ever called him anything like that before, least not a _guy_, for God's sake. _This freakin' idiot actually likes me_, he thought, _this isn't one of his idiotic games. What the hell?_

He released Lavi's shirt from his grip, unable to think of a good comeback.

"Che."

"That's all you ever say to me, Yuu-chan," Lavi whimpered, "Do I mean that little to you?"

"Yes."

"Even after I said those nice things about you?"

"Those things weren't _nice,_ they were perverted. You're perverted. Go stare at some pretty girl or something. I'm going to find that damn idiot Moyashi with or without you."

"But I meant them!" Lavi half-shouted as the raven haired man stalked off, "I really did! Heck, if you were a little kinder to people then you'd have 'em queuing up to get you!"

Kanda grunted something inaudible. He didn't want _people._ He wanted Allen Walker.

Quite suddenly, without warning, the Japanese man almost fell straight down onto his face when he slipped on a piece of food of some description; he couldn't tell what it was. Staring at it and regaining his balance, Kanda's brain clicked into place: if there was food, then that meant the Bean Sprout was here as well. And sure enough, upon looking to his left, he saw a small trail of food leading up to a white door.

A white open door.

A white open door that contained in it's doorway an exorcist with startling white hair, the same colour as the door he leaned against.

His hair was a bit messy and parts stuck out at funny angles, he was no longer wearing his ripped and torn exorcist jacket but rather a black cardigan of some description and dark trousers that didn't quite reach his ankles, and also a lot of bandages. Mainly around his neck.

"Hey Kanda," Allen said, looking at his features with some fascination showing on his pretty feminine face, "What's wrong?"

And Kanda thought his heart would break and cheer both at the same time.

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**Eh. My sister loves it but I think it's sucky. How can I improve? Please review :3**


	3. Heart to Heart

**Triangle Chapter 03**

**Alright! Here is chapter 03! I just spent around 2-3 hours writing it (yeah, I'm slow) and now I'm tired xD I really hope people like it! Thank you to all of you who have reviewed it so far! noodle-of-doom, I like your idea of Allen throwing himself at Lavi XD! Another thank you to you all :3 And this chapter is so much longer! I love Miranda :D Oh, and I forgot to mention that this story takes place around episode 95. If you haven't seen up to there yet, then you might notice some slight spoilers :3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man. If I did, then everyone would want a piece of Kanda. oho :3**

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Running. Lavi was running as fast as he could down the road he had just walked up inside the Ark, wishing with all his might that he would suddenly stop altogether and die there, just so that he would no longer be able to feel the excruciating pain residing within his heart. He had seen the way Kanda had looked at Allen: acute happiness, shock, sorrow, and then guilt had flitted across his face, mainly in his eyes, as he had taken in the sight of the younger boy. Said boy had apparently not noticed any of this, mistaking Kanda's stare to be one of anger or dislike. How clueless he was.

Lavi sprinted through the main doorway of the Ark, the first tears silently falling from his uncovered eye; it was then that he realised his feelings towards the antisocial exorcist were in fact a lot deeper than just a physical attraction or a crush. This was the closest he'd ever gotten to actually being in love with someone. Not really paying attention to where he was going, the redhead ran into Reever as he made his escape from the Noah's vessel. He mumbled a short apology before heading off again, ignoring the scientist's protests of anger as to why he'd been in the Ark without permission.

_I'm such an idiot, _Lavi thought as he decided against going to the infirmary and went in the direction of his own room. _A Bookman should never feel like this about anyone._

He didn't even notice a certain German woman watch him go by…

--

The two exorcists who were left in the Ark simply looked at each other, Allen gaping and Kanda glaring. They certainly hadn't expected their friend to just turn and run as soon as the cursed boy spoke to the man before him. What was that all about?

"What's wrong with Lavi?" Allen wondered aloud, inclining his head to the left and making his bangs partially cover his silver eyes. He looked ever so slightly adorable like that.

"Hang on, let me use my psychic powers to mentally ask him." Kanda said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Haha. Funny," the boy said, equally sarcastic, "But seriously. Did he say anything when you were together? Anything that would make him like that?"

He had.

"No."

"Oh, really?" Allen hummed in confusion, trying to figure out what Kanda had meant. Sure, he'd said no, but Allen was sure he was lying as he had answered far too quickly. But maybe that was just how Kanda was.

"Really." The Japanese exorcist averted his gaze from Allen's silver eyes, feeling a blush coming on. He couldn't directly look at him for too long without feeling hot and bothered. Allen, however, read the body language completely wrong. He too dropped his gaze, saddened by the thought of his friend hating him so much that he couldn't bear to look at him.

"Sorry, Kanda," he said in a voice that hinted failure, "I'm not having a good day."

Kanda's eyes snapped back to his beloved Bean Sprout, studying him properly; he looked run down and like he hadn't washed, but also as if he was in a state of grief and loss. Could staying in the Ark have done that to him? No, if was something else.

"I can tell. You look awful, Moyashi." Kanda said, a little harsher than he intended to. Allen flinched slightly, making Kanda feel awful. There was a long silence before the white haired boy spoke again.

"Do you think you should go after him?"

"Che. He probably just needed the bathroom."

"But he looked like he was going to cry."

"Must have needed it _really_ badly."

The boy's response to that comment was not what Kanda had been expecting; instead of hearing some sort of retort against his insensitivity, a light and melodic laugh met his ears and filled his head, making him feel dizzy. Allen was laughing at his unintended joke.

"So you can be funny, Kanda," he said, a smile lingering on his lips. The lips that Kanda would have very much liked to kiss, right that second. He faintly remembered thinking that he would do so upon finding the boy, but something was stopping him. If Lavi had managed, then why couldn't he? He mentally shook himself; the Moyashi would probably think too much of it if he did. Not to mention the fact that it was so _wrong._

His train of thought grinded to a halt when he felt something warm and soft plonk itself on his left shoulder, nestling itself into his collar bone through his clothes. It was Allen's head, he realised when he saw the white hair, and the boy's hands were gripping Kanda's arms tightly, begging to be held.

"Kanda?" Came the muffled voice from his shoulder.

"W…What?"

"Can I ask something of you?"

"…Fine. What is it."

"Can I be selfish, just for once?"

"Che. Do what you want."

The last time he had said something like that, it had resulted in him being kissed by Lavi. And he had absolutely not meant to just say 'che' to the obviously miserable boy who had invaded his personal space without consent.

"Will you hug me?"

A hug? To him, this couldn't really get any better. Here he was, being clinged to by the only person he had ever felt anything for, with no one else around to bother them. Life was being kind to him today.

Slowly, very slowly, he lifted his arms up from by his sides, willing himself to hold the boy in front of himself. His heart beat hard against his rib cage, threatening to burst through and smack Allen in the chest. Kanda just prayed that the other exorcist couldn't feel the rapid beating. The Japanese man gritted his teeth, let out a sigh, and then let his hands drop by his sides again. He couldn't do it. He couldn't simply place his arms around Allen and comfort him when he needed it, asked for it. What the hell was wrong with him? He was so nervous he was sure he'd start shaking. This worried him, as he never got nervous about anything. He was being an idiot.

"Kanda?"

"Can't do it. Damn Moyashi."

"It's Allen."

Allen felt his heart sink and the temperature in his cheeks rise, suddenly feeling embarrassed to be this close to the cold hearted man. This was basically what he had expected – there was no way Kanda would ever comply to the request of close and personal contact with someone, least at all with him.

After several tense seconds, Kanda spoke.

"Moyashi…"

"I'm still Allen, you kn-"

"Do it for me."

The shorter of the two looked up at the taller, whose eyes were conveniently hidden by his bangs at that point. _Is he being serious?_ Allen thought, _does he actually want to do this for me, but can't? What a funny guy…_

"OK."

Carefully, as if in moving too fast he would anger the other man, Allen took hold of each of Kanda's hands, which were icy cold, and placed them around his back, then wound his own arms around Kanda's waist and pulled him closer into his body, breathing in the smell of lotus flowers and that distinct hospital smell that he had picked up during his stay in the infirmary. The raven haired man breathed in sharply when he felt Allen's arms tighten around his middle, and in turn squeezed him back.

"Did I hurt you?" the boy from under the white fluffy hair asked when he heard the slight gasp from somewhere above him.

"No. That's not possible." Came the reply. Allen opened his mouth to instinctively argue with the man he was hugging, but stopped himself when he felt Kanda's cheek come into contact with the top of his head. "Thank you, Moyashi."

"You're contradicting your words and personality with your actions, BaKanda," Allen said, suppressing tears that had worryingly sprung to his eyes when he realised Kanda was enjoying, wanting, the hug they were in. "I can't figure you out, you know."

"Good," Kanda smiled very slightly, Allen's hair tickling his cheek. "I don't want you to figure me out, Moyashi." There was something in his voice that resembled a secret, but the boy was too tired to think about it in depth.

He smiled also, pressing his body into Kanda's more, wanting their hug to last forever and a day. He knew this was probably the first – and almost certainly the last – time that the Japanese man would allow himself to be this close to anyone. And that made him feel special.

--

Lavi lay on his bed, his unfocused eye staring blankly at the wall. He deeply regretted kissing Kanda, and telling him how he would describe him. He could have at least been a bit more subtle about his feelings. But when the possibility of his love liking the Bean Sprout had crossed his mind, jealousy had won out over reason. He couldn't take it back now.

A light knock on his door failed to bring the redhead out of his stupor, so the person on the other side opened it a little and poked her head round to see if Lavi was indeed in there.

"Lavi-kun? Are you OK?" Miranda Lotto asked gently, coming into the room and shutting the door behind herself with a light 'click'. She, like Kanda, was still in the pyjamas she had worn while in the infirmary. How she had gotten out was somewhat of a mystery.

"Sure," Lavi grunted, turning his blank stare onto her instead of his wall, "why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh," Miranda said, feeling foolish and blushing, "I saw you running just a few minutes ago. You looked like you were… crying. Did you hurt yourself?"

"No."

"Oh, good."

The silence that hung between them was heavy, and made the poor German woman feel uncomfortable. She shifted her weight from her right foot to her left, and then back again, but didn't break her eye contact with Lavi, who was lying on his side on his bed. He looked defeated.

"It may be nothing, but…"

"Yes?" Miranda perked up when Lavi spoke without being prompted.

"I think my chances at being happy are pretty much over."

Miranda blinked several times, trying to comprehend what the Bookman had said. _Chances at being happy? Was he not happy at the order? What?_

"Is Lavi-kun fed up with being an exorcist?" She tried, hoping she was wrong. To her delight, Lavi shook his head and sat up.

"Being an exorcist is the best," he said, his voice not matching his positive words, "I love being here with everyone, and helping people. Can't think of anything better."

Miranda smiled uncertainly, not quite sure about what she should do. If that wasn't it, then what was? He wasn't giving her any clues to help her out.

"If you don't want to talk to me about it, then that's fine with me," she said, kneeling down in front of her friend and taking his hands in hers, "but if you do, then I'm right here. No matter how stupid it may seem to you, I'm sure I'll understand."

"You're a good person, Miranda," He said, smiling weakly, encouraged by her eager face, "But I don't want to voice the problem. I don't think I can."

"How about you try?" The female exorcist suggested, "Lenalee's better at this kind of thing, but I want to help, Lavi-kun."

Lavi nodded, feeling a warm rush of affection for the always-nervous German woman. She really was a great person, no matter what she thought of herself. Ever since she had tried to stop him from flying on Oudzuchi Kodzuchi to find Lenalee at sea, he had seen her in a different light; to him, now, she was a strong and incredible woman who loved her friends nearly as much as Lenalee did, if that was possible.

"OK," he said, a little more emotion in his voice now, gripping Miranda's warm hands a little tighter, "But I won't use any names here, because I don't want to tell you who is involved in case I get this wrong. Is that ok?"

"I think so…" Miranda said, hoping she would be able to follow Lavi's story without getting confused or lost.

"OK then." He said, and begun explaining. "I like someone. A lot. More than I ever thought possible. And I think that person likes someone else, but I don't know if they like them _lots_ or just a _little_. Heck, I don't even know if they like them at all, although I'm pretty sure they do."

Miranda nodded, only just able to follow the story. She wanted to ask who it was that Lavi thought his love interest liked, but thought better of it.

"Anyway," Lavi continued, "I kissed the person I like on an impulse. Wasn't much of a kiss, mind you, it was only like this," he took his hands away from Miranda's and put two of his fingers together briefly to demonstrate, and Miranda nodded to show she understood, "And then I also told them what I thought of them. But, when I saw him look at the person I think he likes-"

"Him?"

Lavi froze, staring at his hands that had returned to the female exorcist's as a cold wave swept over him. Idiot! He'd accidentally revealed that he was pretty much in love with a _man_!

"Um… no?" He tried, not looking at Miranda's confused face, "I meant them, not him. Ahaha, said the wrong word. Was thinking of something else then…"

Miranda wasn't entirely convinced, but didn't persist. "Carry on if you would, Lavi-kun."

"Right, yes," Lavi said, slightly flustered, "Well, when they looked at the person I think they like, they looked like they were… in love." He finished quietly, depression taking over as he remembered the look on Kanda's face when he had seen Allen. What were they doing now? Now that he thought about it, he had left them alone. Even though he was sure Kanda wouldn't do anything and that Allen didn't like him in that way, it didn't ease his suddenly panicking mind.

"But the person who your love likes doesn't like your love like that, right?" Miranda's gentle voice invaded Lavi's thoughts.

"I don't think so. Actually, I know so."

"Then don't worry," Miranda smiled, "I'm sure Allen-kun won't do anything."

"Yeah, I hope- what?!"

Had he heard her right? Did she just say **Allen**?!

"You like Allen, don't you?" Miranda asked, certain that she was correct, while Lavi stared at her, dumbfounded. How had she reached that conclusion?

"I do?"

"Well, who else could it be?" she chuckled, "you left the infirmary when I knocked over that vase didn't you? I saw both you and Kanda-san sneak out. And you two wanted to go and find Allen-kun before, so I guessed that's what you were doing today as well. And there's no way it could be Kanda-san!" she added with a laugh as she thought about it, "And you let slip that it was a guy, which means it isn't Lenalee or me, so it has to be Allen-kun! And I bet it's Kanda-san who Allen-kun likes, isn't it! It all makes sense if it is."

She stood up, not registering the look Lavi was giving her, and brushed some dust off her pyjamas. She looked really pleased with herself.

"I should really be going now," she said, "and I think you should come back to the infirmary before the head nurse kills you. If you see Kanda-san then tell him to come back too." She made to leave, but turned back and smiled warmly at Lavi, "I'm sure it'll be fine, Lavi-kun. Kanda-san would never let Allen-kun touch him anyway, so it'll be fine."

Oh, how wrong she was. As she left, Lavi found some kind of joy in thinking about how she had gotten pretty much all of it wrong. Bless her.

But the fact still remained that he had left the two other exorcists alone together in the undisturbed Ark.

--

**OK. I didn't like how the convo between Lavi and Miranda ended, but having Miranda think Lavi likes Allen just makes this all funnier in my eyes xD Please review :3!**


	4. When it all comes out

**Triangle Chapter 04**

**Ahhh! Here's chapter 04! :D First of all I'd like to thank everyone who's left a review for my previous chapters - I love you! Getting reviews makes me soooooo happy! And to the person who basically asked 'who will end up with who', the answer is: it's a secret ;3 I don't want to spoil it! XD I'm feeling really sorry for my poor Lavi at the moment too ;A; poor guy... andand this chapter is so much longer than the previous ones :O**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man. If I did, then Kanda's bite-able ass would never be able to heal from all the spanking it would receive ;3**

**Warnings: more swearing in this chapter, but I'm sure everyone can handle it :D**

--

"Handsome, tender, soft…. Why do you look right through me, thinking, 'no'…"

Lavi softly sang the lines of a song he had heard a while back, unable to remember the name of the sorrowful and lonely melody, or where he had heard it. It had been 3 days since he'd been told he could leave the infirmary, 3 days since he had talked to Miranda and admitted to himself that he was falling in love with none other than Kanda Yuu, the one person he probably _shouldn't_ fall in love with. His head and heart both hurt whenever he thought about the situation he was in.

"I can't deny my feelings… growing… strong… I try to keep believing, dreaming, on…"

Every time he was left alone, his thoughts would haunt him terribly. '_What happened after I left? Did they do anything? Did Yuu-chan confess? Does Yuu-chan even like Allen like that?' _The whirl of negativity was never ending inside the Bookman-in-training's mind, causing a violent storm of depression within him. When he was around his friends, like Lenalee and Miranda, he was able to forget a little and allowed himself to be happy and subside into a state of denial. But when time night came and he could no longer find excuses to be with them, like now, he would take to lying on his bed, facing the wall, finding that all the fight inside him was no longer existing.

"And every time I see you, I crave more… I wanna pull you closer, closer, closer, closer… but you leave me feeling frozen."

He knew he was being completely ridiculous. The other two were probably wondering why in God's name had he avoided them both for the last 3 days, why he made stupid excuses such as 'oh yeah, I think the Panda needs some help moving the books in the library' when everyone knew the Bookman had no intention of doing menial tasks like that when he had Lavi to do it for him.

Lavi sighed, then inhaled deeply, filling up his lungs with air until he felt like he would pop, then exhaled slowly, putting his hand in front of his mouth and enjoying the pleasant feel of the warm breeze flowing between his fingers. His breath left little drops of moisture on his hand, which he gently licked off. How he wished he could do this with the man he called Yuu-chan. But he knew that if he ever even attempted to do so, he was likely to lose a limb. Most probably one of his arms.

"One sided love hurts, doesn't it?" He spoke to no one, expected no one to reply. He balled his hand into a fist and held it to his chest, cradling it as if it were precious.

--

Kanda lay on his bed, staring at his ceiling so intently that if anyone else saw him they might be led to think that he honestly believed Allen would magically appear there and fall from it, straight onto him. That'd be a sight to see.

Why couldn't he get that damn hug out of his mind? It bothered him greatly and prevented him from sleeping peacefully at night. It had been so lovely, so pure, and yet he'd ruined it by not being able to do it by himself; he physically cringed upon recalling it in his memory. He'd been stupid, proud, arrogant, selfish, and a huge array of other things that he couldn't bother naming. Allen had wanted a hug. _From him._ There was nothing more beautiful than that in the whole world.

As the samurai concentrated on his ceiling, Lavi's cheery face came swimming into his mind's eye's view. Ah, that was right; he had barely seen the hyper rabbit since that confusing kiss back then, before the hug. '_What had that actually meant anyway?' _Kanda questioned himself about it, yet again, but came back with the same infuriating answer: _'he likes you, baka. How many other people does he go round kissing? None, that's how many. So face the truth, and face him. Do it now, else you'll never do it.'_

Kanda growled irritably, hating his rational side. He hadn't asked for its opinion and he didn't want it, but there was the problem that it had been right. Asking Lavi _why_ he'd kissed another guy, him, was going to be embarrassing to say the least. He was going to have to show that he was concerned. Yay.

Swinging his long legs from off his bed, Kanda stood up and pulled on a white shirt after re-thinking going there topless – it wasn't the smartest thing to do when he was basically going to reject someone before they even asked. However, he left his hair as it was and didn't bother tying it up. Sometimes, he really wished he'd just cut the whole lot off.

The Japanese man swept his eyes over his room once before mentally bracing himself and leaving.

--

Allen chattered away to Lenalee happily as they sat on his bed together, enjoying each other's solitary company; they hadn't been alone together in a very long time, probably not since the Suman tragedy, and both missed the other greatly.

"So? What made you finally decide to come out of the Ark, Allen-kun?" Lenalee asked brightly, still curious as to why the boy had finalised his own confinement so suddenly.

Allen didn't quite meet her eyes, but rather interested himself with analysing a stray lock of her hair. "I had a hug from someone… it cheered me up a lot. It's amazing, isn't it, what a bit of physical contact can do to a person."

"Who was it?" Lenalee questioned, interest mounting every second. Allen had hugged someone? Who had been in there for him to hug?

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," he chuckled lightly, imagining her face if he let it slip. But Lenalee wasn't having any of it.

"Aww come on, Allen-kun!" She pestered, grabbing his hand and gripping it tightly, "Please? Aren't we best friends?"

Allen smiled nervously – so she'd played the 'best friends' card, huh? He couldn't fight well against that one.

"Oh, Lenalee…" he whined, and Lenalee saw her chance.

"Please? Tell me already!"

"I don't know, he might get mad…"

"To me. Tell it. Now."

"It was Kanda!"

The words seemed to hang in the air, as if Lenalee was unable to digest them into her understanding. "_Kanda_ hugged you? Kanda _hugged_ you? Kanda hugged _you_?" she repeated the phrase three times, putting emphasis on each of the words separately, almost as if she hoped to reach a conclusion by doing so. Apparently she failed to, and looked at Allen for help.

"I know." Was his response. Lenalee was still confused.

"But how?" She enquired. She could not believe Kanda had done something even slightly intimate with another person. Kanda plus intimate equals impossible.

"I… asked him to," he said shyly, almost as if he'd done something wrong. "Don't look at me like that! It took persuasion! No, wait, that's not what I meant to say… I mean, I just needed a hug, and Lavi had already ran off, so…"

He trailed off helplessly, grinning like a fool at his friend.

"Oh, Allen-kun. Sometimes, you really make me laugh, you know? You're so innocent, yet so world-wise. You don't have a clue."

And clearly, by the look on his face, now was one of the times when he was innocent in every respect.

--

Kanda stood outside Lavi's room, his pulse rate a little higher than he would have liked it. He was unnaturally nervous just thinking about entering the room and confronting the friend that had had the cheek to kiss him, but didn't admit that to himself. On the way here, he had decided that he would deny all feelings for Allen should Lavi question his sexual preferences. The redhead had no right to know what was going on behind those cold eyes.

Kanda, inhaling deeply, laid his hand upon the doorknob in front of him and swung the door open without knocking first – being polite was the last thing on his mind at this point.

"Oi, Baka-Usagi," he announced his arrival with a rude insult, "We need to talk. Wake the hell up."

Lavi was still lying on his bed, facing the door, but he had clamped his eyes shut tightly when he'd heard Kanda open the door; he didn't want to talk to anyone right now while he felt so low.

"I'm sleeping, Yuu-chan," came the flat response from the drowsy exorcist, "Can you come back tomorrow? K' thanks, later."

'_Leave me alone. If I look at you then I don't know what I might do. I need answers, but if I listen to your deep-cutting voice for longer than two seconds then I might lose control. Come back and talk to me when I'm over you. Never speak to me again.'_

Kanda scowled at Lavi's form in the dark room, wondering how he should put forward the question he needed answering. How was he meant to do this? How could he, Kanda Yuu, ask something so personal of someone else? He was clueless as to how to act like a decent human being to someone who he led to believe he disliked, but in fact didn't want to imagine a world without. No one knew that after being brought back by Allen in the Ark, Kanda's personality had begun to alter itself slightly.

"No, it's not OK. Sit up and pay attention."

"Are ya gonna confess to me, Yuu-chan?" Lavi asked, hopefulness tracing his voice, as he opened his eye a crack and marvelled at Kanda's silhouette in the dark.

"No. I'm not."

"I don't wanna hear it then."

"Don't be an imbecile, Baka." The Japanese man sat down on the floor next to Lavi's bed and leant his back against it, feeling it creak lightly as it took his weight.

Lavi thought his heart was going to stop. Kanda's hair, which he noticed was loose, was literally centimetres away from his hand. All he had to do was stretch his long fingers out and touch it, then pull it, bringing it's owner forward towards him until…

Lavi stopped thinking about what would follow after he had successfully pulled the samurai on top of himself, and forced himself to speak. "What's biting at ya then, Yuu-chan? You never come to visit me; I'm deeply honoured." He was telling the truth. Kanda opened his mouth to bitch at his friend, warning him not to call him by his first name ever again if he valued life. But the threat never came. Now was not the time, and if he wanted answers then the best thing to _not_ do would be to describe the Bookman's death in detail.

"I need to clarify something," Kanda replied after a lengthy pause, wishing with all his might that the ground would just turn him to ashes there and then, "Just so that I know what's going on."

Lavi sat up, knowing what the man was going to say, and not wanting to hear it. "If you're referring to the kiss I so kindly gave you a few days back, then forget about it. Means nothing, OK?"

'_Wrong! Why'd you fuck that up, Lavi?! Tell it to him straight, then there'll be no confusion! Yuu-chan confuses easily when things aren't clear, y'know.'_

'_Yeah? Then what? What'll happen after you tell him that you've fallen in love with the depressing git? He'll kill you, that's what.'_

'_Why should you care! You could die happy! He'd know and hopefully understand your feelings and then respect them, right? Right! Or, do you want him to forget all about you and go and screw Allen? Is that what you want? If you confess, then he'll hopefully feel guilty every time he looks at his dear Moyashi.'_

'_What kind of logic is that meant to be?'_

'_It's Yuu-chan. It's believable as well as likely. He's a complex guy, believe it or not.'_

Kanda looked up at Lavi, who appeared to be spacing out a little while sitting there, an expression of loss all across his features; his face was so easy to read. "Then why did you do it? If it had meant nothing then you would have ran off laughing like a moron as usual, and wouldn't have avoided me for the last 3 days." He purposely left out the fact that Lavi had also ignored Allen too. A part of him warned that it wasn't a wise decision to bring the Bean Boy into the conversation.

The redhead looked back into Kanda's dark eyes, which were partially reflecting the moonlight that streamed through the window that held no covering. He looked silvery, sitting there on the floor, and also gorgeous.

"And also those idiotic words you called me in the Ark," the dark haired man continued, growing bored of waiting for a response from the stunned Lavi, "If they meant nothing, then take them back. Actually, scrap that, take them back even if they _did_ mean somethin-"

"I love you, Kanda Yuu."

Shit. Lavi and Kanda stared at each other in disbelief as the first gaped like a goldfish. _Shit!_ The words had fallen out of his mouth before he had had a chance to stop them and lock them up along with the many other things he ached to say to the exorcist on his floor.

"Now that's just pushing insanity. You're straight, remember?" Despite being unable to believe what he had heard or stop his staring, Kanda tried reminding Lavi of his supposed preferred gender. Lavi broke of his shocked stare and looked at his bed covers, clearly regretting his words.

"…Then I must be insane. But that's only because you drove me to it, Yuu-chan." The sentence slipped out from between his lips quietly and fell on Kanda's disbelieving ears. "I guess I really do love you. The way you act so cold around everyone while you actually do care, the way you only ever eat Soba, the way you tie your hair up, the way you refuse to be beaten or die… I love every part of you."

The poor Japanese man blinked once, twice, as he took in what Lavi had just confessed: this wasn't some little crush that the 18 year old had formed one day after finding his friend's body oddly appealing, this was actual true _love_. To accept, to want, every part of his physical and mental self, scared Kanda a little. It was exactly what he secretly felt for Allen. He was at a loss for words.

"Che. Uso da."

"Hehe… sorry Yuu-chan, I don't speak Japanese," Lavi tittered, trying to lighten the mood that had settled like a heavy cloud over them. _Now_ what was he meant to do? He knew very well what he _wanted _to do, but didn't even dare think about acting on it. Apparently, it was called rape if the other person was unwilling.

"I said, it's a lie. Learn other people's languages from time to time, Baka-Usagi."

And there it was. Kanda's harsh and irritated tone was back, even though he had not meant for his words to come out of his mouth like that. Why did he always get it wrong? The man mentally punched himself in punishment.

"Sorry," Lavi replied, smiling uncertainly when Kanda looked up at him again. How he loved him…

"You know what," Kanda said, standing up suddenly and making Lavi jump, "I'm tired, and I've got my answers. I'm going back to bed. See you tomorrow, Baka."

And he was leaving, leaving the redhead without giving a definite response to his confessed feelings. Lavi watched his back retreating in horror, feeling depression creeping back up into his heart and burying deep into his skin. He had to get Kanda to stay, to understand the extend of how much he adored him. He could think of only one thing he could say that would most certainly root the man to the spot.

"You like Allen, don't you?"

It worked. Kanda froze, his body suddenly bound to the cold stone floor on which he was standing. No. There was no way that he could have been so careless, so stupid, to let his secret feelings be known. Unless, Lavi was particularly good at picking up even the smallest possible hint.

"You're tired," Kanda said, his voice completely steady, not giving away how fast his heart was beating or how much he had started to sweat, "So I'll let you off. If you'd suggested such a thing to me when you were actually awake, then your head would currently be rolling around on the floor while your body remained where it is." He felt threatened – there was no better way to describe the reasons behind his sudden violent aggression.

"No, I'm not," Lavi said bravely, standing up off his bed and tugging on Kanda's left shoulder, making him turn around and face him, "I know what I see. And you've just confirmed it; before just now, I was only slightly considering the possibility of you liking your little Moyashi. But after that response…" Lavi shrugged, and Kanda swore he could see defeat written on his eye-patched face, "It's more than obvious that you like him."

The samurai 'che'd' and looked at the floor, hating the redhead's impeccable ability of being able to read people so damn well. He couldn't think of a decent way to deny all feelings for the white haired boy; even contemplating the thought of saying he hated the child or anything of that nature made him feel like dying where he was. His feelings were too strong.

"But I don't care all that much, you know?" Lavi said, bringing his face closer to Kanda's visibly ticked off one, "As long as you two never hit it off, then I can pretend that your feelings are non-existent. Clever, huh? I like to call it 'brain-blocking', personally."

Kanda tried to respond, he honestly did, but that was quite a difficult thing to accomplish when Lavi's lips met his and limited all speech that may try to leak out. Trying to push the slightly taller man away, Kanda became very aware of where the redhead's hands were travelling to. His left was firmly gripping the samurai's muscular upper arm, restricting movement, while the right was gradually making it's way down his well-toned body - starting at his collar bone, lingering over his chest, stroking his stomach.

After a couple of seconds, Kanda tore his face away from Lavi's and managed to ask him what the fuck was he playing at, before their lips locked again. He knew now wasn't the time, but he couldn't help but marvel at how strong Lavi had gotten.

Lavi had no idea what had made him kiss the exorcist, but he greatly thanked it regardless. His actions had been spontaneous, like the previous, but there was no holding back this time, not when he was sure that this was what he wanted and needed. No matter how much Kanda tried to shove him away or untangle his lips from the other's, Lavi would not yield. Not just yet.

Still making contact with the man's lips, the Bookman-in-training rammed him up against the wall and pinned him to the spot, now holding onto both of his wrists tightly so as to prevent his escape. As Kanda gasped in pain upon coming into sharp contact with the solid stone surface, Lavi seized his chance and slid his tongue into the unsuspecting mouth, exploring all of the ridges, teeth and saliva that was held captive inside. His prisoner moaned in both anger and shock, having no idea how he could get away from the hormonally-driven 18 year old.

To his immense relief, Lavi ripped his face away from the slightly older man's suddenly, listening intently to something beyond Kanda's hearing.

"You fucking _idiot_!" Kanda hollered, a blush creeping over his moonlit cheeks, "what the hell possessed you to do that?! Well? Have you gone mad! Let go of me you bastard, I'm gonna fucking kill y-"

"Shush," Lavi urged, eyes focused only on his door, a look of panic on his usually smiling face, "I think I heard something."

"Well I didn't, so get off. Now." Kanda demanded, thoroughly not in the mood for one of Lavi's misunderstanding a noise he heard. But then, to his horror, he heard it too - the door creaked ever so slightly, and then the sound of frantically running footsteps could be picked up, echoing throughout the corridor and into the bedroom. Both exorcists slowly shifted their gaze onto each other, and then back again to the door that stood slightly ajar, realisation sinking in sickeningly fast: _someone had seen them_.

--

**-looks hopful- was that ok? I think the ending was a tad bit rushed, but then again, Lavi's emotionally charged at the moment, so of course he wouldn't be thinking as rationally as normal XD And as for what happened to Allen and Kanda after being left alone in the Ark - nothing happened -sweatdrops- poor Kanda is too proud to admit anything, bless 'im XD;**

**REVIEW! Oh! And if my other fic "What would I be without you" gets a few more reviews then I'll update it RIGHT AWAY! XD**


	5. In the bathroom

**Triangle Chapter 05**

**Woo! Chapter 05! This one is shorter than the last and it's late at night, so please be kind to it XD; THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! I love you all! Getting reviews is THE BEST. I just want to say that despite what's happening in this fic, I love Lavi to pieces, ok? XD He's so adorable. I hope this chapter is well received - I'm starting to have doubts about how good the fic really is ;A;**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man. All I own is a D.Gray-man bag with Allen and Lavi on the front, and also numerous cell phone straps that I picked up in Japan.**

--

Lavi licked his lips nervously, which were now unexplainably dry, and kept his frightened gaze on the door as if it would attack him viciously if he were to look away. Kanda also focused his attention on the door, momentarily forgetting all about the situation he was in – Lavi's tight grip upon his wrists were no longer any concern to him.

"Wh… who do you think it was?" Lavi asked barely louder than a whisper, his voice shaking.

"As if I'd know," Kanda hissed, not intentionally cold, feeling shaken up. _Someone had seen them engage in that kiss. _He felt a shiver run through his body, dancing along his spine and making his knees feel close to giving way. Lavi seemed to feel it too, as if it had passed through into his own body.

"Yuu-chan," he said hoarsely, finally looking at the man who was barely 4 inches away from his own face, which apparently had not been the right thing to do when he felt himself almost losing control and kissing Kanda again, "What if they _saw_? What then?"

"Che. They may have not seen anything." It was always better to remain hopeful even in the most desperate of situations.

"Aren't you worried?"

"Are you?"

"Well, yeah, kinda…" Lavi said weakly, unable to justify his response. Kanda snorted in reply. "Guess we should find out if there actually was anyone, right?"

"No. I'll go on my own." He wanted to get away from Lavi as soon as possible; he could feel the blush almost breaking to the surface of his skin as he comprehended the pinch he was in after the shock of being caught began to subside.

"I think we should go together."

"Explain the logic behind that remark."

"Safety in numbers?"

"Sure. Because we're really gonna be jumped by someone more threatening than me."

"Panda can be frightening…"

"Shut up, Baka-Usagi. And let go of me before I knock you out."

"How would you do that? You can't use your hands-"

"_With my fucking skull_."

Lavi released the fuming exorcist, concerned for the well-being of his forehead – the idea of having Kanda smack the both of theirs together was not a pleasant one.

"About time too," the Japanese man growled, rubbing his wrists relentlessly as he strode out of the room without giving the redhead so much as a glance, making his way down the dark path in the direction he thought he heard the footsteps dash. To his dismay, Lavi followed right behind and trotted after him, always keeping roughly a pace or two behind the man. It was better to stay a vaguely safe distance away from him at the moment, not to mention the Bookman got a lovely view of his delicious-

"Stop staring at me and go back to bed, Baka-Usagi," Kanda snapped at him, knowing full well what he was up to and hating it with a passion.

Without meaning to, Kanda unthinkingly put his fingers to his lips, tracing them lightly and feeling how they had become marginally swollen due to the rough and penetrating kiss. He had no idea how he was meant to deal with Lavi after he had performed a stunt like that so boldly and without warning; thinking about how warm his lips had felt, how his body heat had radiated onto his chest through the thin shirt he was wearing, made him feel sick. Sick with worry – a very small and very stupid part of him had almost, _almost_, wanted it to continue. Kanda brushed aside his troublesome feelings as if they were merely dust on a jacket.

"Sorry Yuu-chan, but I wanna know who it was too," Lavi chirped, feeling in high spirits. He had engaged in a proper full-out kiss with Kanda and he felt indescribable. Every time he lifted a foot to take a step forward he was unsure whether or not it would ever make contact with the ground again, as he was sure he had magically sprouted wings and taken flight to heaven. How could he ever possibly begin to make the cold man in front of him feel even a percent of that for him?

"Then walk in front of me if you're going to be that stubborn." He did _not _want the rabbit's eyes to be focused on his behind instead of where he was walking.

"Gotcha." Lavi's reply hinted slight resentment, but he did as he was told regardless. He was on ecstasy just being able to time his footsteps to the other man's rhythm.

--

Allen clutched at his chest hard, leaning over the sink and releasing the loud and body-racking sobs that he had suppressed for too long. His breath came out in short sharp gasps, and then he was sucking in the slightly cold air as he willed himself to stop before anyone heard and came in to his aid.

He and Lenalee had been having such a good evening, and all of his anxieties had been magically taken care of just by having her console him – the reason behind why he'd insisted on hugging Kanda, why he felt lonely and close to doing something irrational whenever he reminded himself that the man hated him, and why he had stopped thinking and losing sleep over more important things – The Millennium Earl being one of them. He had feelings for the Japanese exorcist: feelings he couldn't understand or explain. Feelings that wouldn't go away and leave him alone.

When Lenalee had decided that it was time for the both of them to call it a day and go to bed, Allen - being the gentleman he was - had kindly offered to walk the female exorcist back to her room in case she somehow managed to lose her way in the dark maze of walkways. Not wanting to upset the boy, Lenalee had agreed despite knowing that she could never get lost in her Home.

He had been plodding on his way back to his not-too-cosy room when he had heard it; from within Lavi's room (which he happened to be passing by) he was sure he heard Kanda swear angrily before being silenced suddenly. Then followed the sound of someone hitting stone.

The first thought that crossed the white haired boy's mind was that Kanda had somehow been angered by the redhead and was now attempting to end his life, hence the swearing and the violent noises. His body now naturally on alert, Allen had crept up to the door and prepared himself for the worst, ready to help Lavi should he need assistance. Opening the door just a crack as silently as he could, he'd peaked in on a sight he had not anticipated at all – Lavi was not being attacked. In fact, it seemed to be quite the opposite, as he'd had Kanda pressed against the wall in a breathless kiss and was in the first stages of molesting the seemingly powerless man.

All the blood had drained from Allen's face as he stared at the sight he was seeing. It was not possible. Why was Kanda not hacking flesh from the Bookman's bones with his bare hands for doing such a thing to him? Why wasn't he putting up more of a fight? Tears welled up in the mortified boy's silver eyes as he tore them away from the scene. He had then fled, not caring if he fell or caused pain to his self while his heart threatened to rip to shreds. He'd been so bloody _naïve_. Of course Kanda was more likely to be interested in someone rather sexy like Lavi, as apposed to someone little and bean sprout-like.

And so now, here he was, hiding in the bathroom and sobbing into the long sink that was fixed to the wall underneath the equally long mirror.

Ever since returning Home, Allen had been prone to being overly-emotional, and that mental state was certainly not helping him out now. He coughed once, sniffed heavily and then coughed again, gripping the sink hard.

'_It's for the best_.'

'_It's better if you never attempt to get close to someone who won't love you back.'_

'_It would be better for you, for everyone, if you just chained up these troublesome, mixed up feelings and threw away the key.'_

No matter how loudly he screamed the thoughts in his head, the tears still kept coming in fresh waves as he remembered seeing his friends like that… engulfed in the pale silvery light of the moon, they had looked like one entity in his eyes.

Allen jumped violently and his insides seemed to freeze when he heard two voices approaching the bathroom at a fast pace. He knew who it was, and didn't want to see them.

"I'm telling you, Yuu-chan, they might be in here!"

Allen heard Lavi's distinct voice come floating into the chilly room, closely followed by Kanda's irritated lower tone.

"Che. Let's just check quickly and then move on. I'm sick of being with you now."

"That's so cold, Yuu-chan…"

"Do you expect anything more after doing _that_ to me?"

The two exorcists swung open the door to the large room, neither bothering to carry on the heated conversation they were partaking in when their eyes came to rest on the small hunched over form sitting on the floor.

"Moyashi?" Kanda asked uncertainly, wondering if the shivering boy was in pain. What was he doing down there anyway? Was he sick? Unless… Kanda's heart missed a beat. _'It was Moyashi who saw you.'_

"Go away." Came the muffled reply from somewhere behind the crop of shocking white hair. When he had been unable to hide himself in a cubicle due to the sudden loss of feeling in his legs, Allen had gone for the next best thing – trying to act like he wasn't there. _If I can't see you, you can't see me._ He'd never done it before, but had done it instinctively when he'd panicked. "I don't want to see you, Kanda. Or you, Lavi."

"Oh. It was Allen who saw us then," Lavi declared matter-of-factly. Allen visibly flinched as if the words stung him like a huge swarm of angry bees, while a low groan escaped Kanda's lips involuntarily. Well, that was just fantastic.

Kanda helplessly looked at the quivering exorcist sitting on the cold floor, his eyes partially shaded by his bangs. He simply couldn't think of anything he could say, could do, to make the boy stand up and smile; he couldn't tell what the object of his love was thinking, and so couldn't right that wrong. He felt utterly useless, and apparently that feeling was projected onto his features.

"Allen," Lavi said, ignoring the increase in tension that had sprung up in the few seconds of silence, "What's up? Wanna tell us what you're thinking? You mad? Sad? Happy?"

"Does it _look_ like I'm happy?" Came the reply, said as if it were forced out of him. Kanda averted his eyes from Allen and interested himself with the toothpaste stains in the sink. "I just saw my two friends kissing; of course I'm not happy."

"Ah, yeah but, it wasn't like Yuu-chan wanted it," Lavi said, bending down onto his knees and fluffing up Allen's hair with a brisk ruffle, "It was totally forced. Right, Yuu-chan?" Amazingly, he succeeded in keeping all traces of sorrow and regret out of his voice.

"That's right," Kanda said gruffly, nudging Allen with his foot, "So get up. Nothing's going on between us. The Baka-Usagi just got a bit excited, which he'll pay for later." Lavi received a piercing death-glare when the Japanese man said the end of the last sentence. Not that Lavi minded – any recognition from Kanda was like a high for him.

Allen lifted his face up at long last, looking at Kanda through his tear-laced eyelashes. So Kanda really didn't feel anything for Lavi? Or was this all an act? Shapeless emotions rose to the surface of his heart as he looked longingly into the man's dark eyes.

"Really?"

"Really. I don't lie. So get up."

Once again, Kanda failed to keep the instinctive cold bite out of his voice when talking to the white haired boy. He hadn't wanted it to be there in the slightest, but was unable to take it back now. He'd punish himself for that later.

As Allen pulled himself to his feet, Lavi also stood back up, smiling at the two of them.

'_Just keep smiling at them,' _he thought miserably, _'they don't need to know the extend of your internal damage. Be strong, now.'_

"Right then! I think I'll be going back to bed now," Lavi announced, opening the door to leave the room, "Yuu-chan, I meant what I said; I love you. And you're great to kiss, too."

He got a bitter kind of satisfaction from the way that Allen paled when the boy heard him declare his love for Kanda. Lavi wondered briefly what was becoming of him to think such things about his friend before waving goodbye and exiting.

He knew it was probably _not_ the right thing to do, leaving those two alone again, but he knew that if he forced himself on to Kanda anymore than he already had done that night, then he was at high risk of losing him as a friend. Heck, he'd probably done that already, but it'd been worth it in his eyes. He would never forget what the dark haired man tasted like for as long as he lived.

Allen and Kanda stood in silence, the silence echoing around them, putting pressure on their eardrums and making them feel uncomfortable. Allen wiped his eyes and sniffled a little, furious with himself at being seen like this in front of the gorgeous man.

At length, Kanda spoke quietly, "He acted foolishly tonight. I think it would be a good idea not to judge him on what happened. And, on his behalf, I'm sorry that you had to see him act so indecently."

Allen merely blinked at Kanda's sudden formality. Where had his likely-to-kill personality flown off to? And had he just _apologised _to him? To the Bean Sprout that he hated so much?

"O-oh," Allen stuttered, not meeting Kanda's cold eyes, "thank you. It's OK. I just couldn't bear thinking about you liking him back… I always knew he had a bit of a crush on you by the way he was so affectionate towards you, but truth be told, I didn't expect him to go this far… and if you'd liked him back… heh, can't imagine that…"

Kanda patted the shorter boy on the shoulder awkwardly, pointedly looking away. Allen felt his whole body seethe with warmth upon receiving the slight and hesitant contact. Kanda himself wasn't entirely sure why he'd done it; he wanted to touch the slight figure so much that it burned away at his self control until it was nearly all gone.

"K-Kanda," he said, regretting opening his mouth straight away as Kanda withdrew his hand when he began to speak, "Before I forget, I've got something to tell you." His train of thought got in the way momentarily._ 'I like you. I want to be with you, even if it's wrong.' _He ignored the words that he wanted to say so badly, and continued with what he was meant to speak, "Lenalee told me that next week we're going to have a belated 'Congratulations on coming Home' party, thrown by Komui. Would you mind helping me spread the word?"

The corner's of Kanda's mouth twitched as he willed himself not to smile. A party. No doubt it would be a formal dress party, with dancing. And no doubt Allen would eventually insist of making him his dance partner. Oh, the possibilities.

"Whatever. Just don't expect me to tell the Baka-Usagi."

--

**So. A question. Would you guys rather have longer chapters but update slower, or chapters still at this sort of length that get updated roughly every other day? Let me know! Also, sorry for the delay with my one-shot fic, I'm focusing all my energy into this one at the moment XD I hope the ending of this chapter was ok... REVIEW! But be kind ;3**


	6. Tell me your feelings: part 01

**Triangle Chapter 06**

**Hi minna-san! :3! Here is chapter 06 of Triangle! Yey! I hope you like it. The length of this chapter was actually going to be twice as long as it is now, but if I'd done that then it probably wouldn't be out until tomorrow and I wanted to upload it NOW! Haha XD so this is part one, and part two will be out shortly. A big thank you to my reviewers! Reviews make Hika-chan SMILE :D and since pretty much all of you said that I should keep the chapter lengths as they are now, I will continue to do so. Now, onto the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man. If I did, then Cross would think Kanda is a woman and promptly hit on him.**

--

"So? What kind of party is it going be then, niisan?"

Allen, Lavi, Kanda, Lenalee, Miranda, Chaoji and Reever had gathered before Komui's cluttered desk early the morning after Allen had seen his friends together, wanting to get some more information out of the man rather than just being told that 'it was a party'.

"Yeah, and who's paying for it?"

"Who's invited?"

"…"

"Will it be a fancy dress party?"

Komui pushed his glasses further up his nose, looking at each of the exorcists and the scientist in turn. Really, he'd originally wanted the party to be a surprise, but that reality had come undone when he'd let the idea slip to Lenalee when he was glomping the girl. His sister had then spread the word like a wildfire - some things just couldn't be kept a secret.

"I think the best idea is for it to be a formal dress occasion," he said, silencing the other's questions, "because I know that everyone has formal clothes of some description hidden anyway in their rooms, and because if it were a fancy dress parade then the competition to look the most convincing might get… a little out of hand." His gaze lingered on Lavi's emerald eye at that last remark. Lavi opened his mouth to argue, but shut it again when Kanda 'che'd' at him.

"Formal dress sounds good, Komui-san," Miranda piped up timidly, "It's been a while since any of us have been able to make ourselves up."

Chaoji nodded at her remark, grinning widely. "I like the idea too." Everyone else present nodded in agreement, even Kanda.

"I just hope Krory will be able to wake up in time to make it…" Allen said glumly, looking at his feet and feeling bad for his still-unconscious friend. Kanda fought the urge to put his arm round the boy's shoulders and attempt to comfort him; standing next to him had been a dangerous feat to take on.

"I've got a better idea," Lavi chimed, laying his hands on Lenalee's shoulders and focusing everyone's attention on her as she looked confused, "One girl. One pole. One night. Ten lads. No other girls invited." Allen and Miranda gawped at his daringness as Komui's fists shook. "The best damn party of our lives."

"Lavi!" Komui screamed, leaping out from behind his desk and tearing his precious sister away from the redhead's grasp, "That's just _wrong_! Lenalee would never do that! And I'd never allow her!"

"Tch. Killjoy."

"Niisan! Lavi's just joking, right, Lavi?"

"Eh? Oh, yeah. Course I am. Ahaha."

Allen looked up at Kanda, who was now ignoring the whole ordeal, as Komui launched himself at Lavi. The Japanese man hadn't said much since their exchange in the bathroom the night before, and even seemed to be ignoring the shorter exorcist's and the redhead's very existence. What had he done to deserve this cruel punishment? When he had said 'hello' at breakfast earlier that morning, Kanda had only met his eyes briefly before going and sitting alone at an empty table, his face hard and scowling. And even when they had walked together to Komui's office along with Lavi and Miranda, Kanda had only spoken a word or two to the woman as she chatted away happily to him. He hadn't even bothered to 'che' at either of them until Lavi's remark just now. Today was turning out to be a horrific day, and to top things off, he had seen the 14th in the mirror when he had gone to brush his teeth early in the morning.

"Kanda?" he asked tensely, touching the taller man on the arm and feeling him stiffen upon receiving the contact, "Do you not feel well today? Would you like to go to the infirmary?"

"Che. I'm fine."

He couldn't do it today – he couldn't look at Allen anymore in fear of doing something stupid and out of character; he was even going low enough to want to give him a _cuddle_ in the midst of his friends, for God's sake. His burning desire to have the white haired exorcist's skin touching his own was inexorable, his wanting to tell him how he felt was relentless, and his craving for the boy was endless.

'_Shut it down.' _He had told himself the night before when he'd returned to his room. _'Shut down the part of you that feels these sickening feelings. He doesn't need to bear the burden of being involved with someone like you anymore than necessary, so leave him be. Learn to cope with it.'_ Not to mention he had other problems that demanded his attention currently anyway, the main one being a certain redheaded rabbit. If Komui killed him now for suggesting that Lenalee should behave like a stripper, then he would have one less thing to deal with.

"Oh, is that so…" Allen said quietly, looking defeated, "I just thought you looked a bit off today, that's all… forget I said anything."

"Will do."

'_How can I forget a single word that your perfect lips form, when each and every one is etched into my memory for the rest of my life? Explain that to me.'_

Allen felt like he was going to cry, but could not explain why. Kanda hadn't said anything particularly mean, so why were his eyes burning right now?

Lenalee, now freed from Lavi's grasp and currently wrestling her brother off the junior Bookman, could not help but notice Allen's remorseful face and Kanda's look of pre-self punishment. She was the only person who knew how the cursed boy felt about his antisocial friend, as she had been the one to coax understanding out of him; he had grown up so much since she had met him but was still unable to comprehend complex emotions like the one he was feeling for Kanda. At first, she had only thought that he was a little confused, as he was always acting the same around Lavi as he was with his crush, maybe even being just that little bit more touchy-feely with him. But after he had explained the hug that had taken place in the Ark in detail, her conclusion was finalised and she had voiced her thoughts. Allen, reluctant at first, came to terms with it all quicker than she had expected, but it still pleased her nonetheless.

"Niisan! Honestly! Calm down, you're blowing this way out of proportion!" She said desperately, wanting to get this all over with so that she could go and have a little heart-to-heart with Kanda (or as close to one that she could), "Lavi was joking, and there's no way I'd do anything like that anyway, so relax!"

"B-But my lovely Lenalee," Komui sobbed, not registering the look that Reever was giving him that said 'dear-god-you're-an-idiot', "for him to even think that you would do such a thing-"

"He didn't, and I wouldn't. Now please, let go of Lavi before you strangle him to death."

--

The preparation for the party would start the next day, it was decided, and the event would be held in the giant cafeteria. The Finders and the scientists – if they had the time or energy – would take care of decorating the room, rearranging the furniture, getting the food ready along with Jerry, informing anyone who wasn't aware of the party that there was one, finding someone to play music for the whole night, making sure all members of the Order owned some smart clothes, and arranging voluntary singers. Komui had requested that any exorcists who wished to sing were to put their names down on the list he'd made; so far, only Lenalee and Miranda (who seemed less keen than her friend) had been put down for a duet. Kanda had almost killed Lavi when he tried to put their names down too.

Lavi, having narrowly escaped death, was sitting in the almost empty library, not focusing on the book he had open in his gloved hands: how could he concentrate when all that filled his mind was having Kanda to himself? He didn't even notice Miranda sit down at the table with him, and didn't see the nervous smile she showed him.

"Lavi-kun?" She asked, unsure whether Lavi was ignoring her on purpose or whether he genuinely hadn't seen her yet. His response – jumping and blinking at her rapidly – was enough to answer her internal question. "Can I talk to you for a minute please?"

"Sure you can, Miranda-san," he beamed affectionately at her, "What can I do for you? You looking for a dance partner at the party? Well, can't really call it a party can I? Makes it sound like a little kid's rave or something…"

Miranda giggled girlishly, shyly wondering just how many raves the redhead had attended in his lifetime, "No, that's not what I was going to ask, but if you're offering then I'd be happy to share a dance or two with you during the evening."

Lavi nodded enthusiastically, proud of the female exorcist for being so confident, "Anything for a friend, Miranda-san. You know me."

"Please, just call me Miranda. I feel old when you call me Miranda-san," Miranda requested, going slightly pink at the cheeks at her informal behaviour.

"OK, Miranda. In return, you have to call me just Lavi from now on, not Lavi-kun," Lavi smiled, winking at the older woman, who nodded happily. Both sat there, grinning at each other, before Miranda went 'oh!' and remembered why she had come in such of the exorcist.

"How are things with you and Allen-kun?" She asked, shifting her chair closer to his and dropping her voice, "is every thing OK? He seemed a bit down today at the meeting."

"Allen?" Lavi asked, making sure that he had heard right, "well, yeah, I guess we're OK at the moment. Not really sure what's going on in that head of his though. I think I shocked him last night, actually. Shouldn't have said that in front of him, but I couldn't exactly say 'hey Moyashi, bugger off while I talk to Yuu-chan', could I?"

Miranda didn't follow what he was saying, and it was obvious. Lavi laughed lightly, realising that she still believed that he liked Allen in _that_ way.

"Aww Miranda," he chuckled, patting her hand, "I never got round to correcting you, did I?"

"About what?" He confusion was increased ten-fold.

"I don't have the hots for Allen. If he were a girl then he'd be one hell of a Strike, but I don't feel that way towards him as he is now. I admire the little Sprout more than anything else."

Miranda blinked slowly, looking at the hand on hers, thinking hard. He didn't like Allen-kun? Then who was it?

Wait. He was telling her to call him just Lavi. He was being far nicer to her than he had ever been. He kept accepting and giving bodily contact, like touching hands. His smile was warmer than the sun when his eyes met hers. It couldn't be! It was-

"Me?!" she screamed, making Lavi jump violently.

"Huh? You, what?" He asked, visually checking her for signs of attack or injury, in case that had been the reason behind her shouting out like that. Miranda mistook his eyes analysing her body to be something quite different.

"It is, isn't it?! How could I have been so _blind_?! It was never Allen-kun to begin with!"

"You're blind?"

"No!"

"Then what-" The suddenly hysterical woman wasn't making any sense.

"You like _me_!" She said, bright pink in the cheeks. Lavi opened his mouth in shock, shut it, and then opened it again.

"Eh? You?"

"Yes! It is, isn't it?"

"What? No!"

Miranda fell silent, he voice failing her as she understood finally. "It's not me?" She asked, inclining her head to the left slightly and peering at him through her half-panda eyes. Lavi suppressed a 'strike!' – she looked cute like that. Instead, he shook his head slowly, knowing that he would have to tell her the truth now.

Shamelessly, he said clearly, "It's Yuu-chan." Miranda's eyes grew wide, her pupils dilating slightly as she took in the information.

"No…"

"Yep!"

"So then, what you said to Kanda-san last night in front of Allen-kun…" comprehension dawned slowly on her features.

"I told him I loved him, and that he was great to kiss."

"Kiss?! You and Kanda-san have… kissed?" The blush drained from her face as she tried to imagine Kanda giving in to anyone and doing something that intimate. She didn't know the Japanese man well, but knew him well enough to know that it was almost impossible for him to be involved with someone that way.

"Yeah. Well, no, actually." Lavi said, contradicting himself, trying to find the right words to describe what had happened without making himself sound too bad, "Yuu-chan came into my room to ask me about something that happened a few days ago, and then when he was about to leave I sorta grabbed the guy and… kissed him. A lot." His eyes glazed over slightly as he remembered it all.

"But I thought you were straight…" Miranda murmured, trying to keep the disbelief out of her voice.

"Hmm? Yeah, I am, but Yuu-chan's too gorgeous – he has the power to make guys hot for him, but at the same time he has the fangirls keeling over before him. I wanna know his secret." He looked at Miranda, who was finding it all very difficult to believe, and wondered whether she too had ever liked Kanda, even if it had been only for a fleeting second. "Anyway," he continued, "If you thought I was straight, then why'd you think I liked Allen? He's a guy, y'know."

Miranda shifted in her chair, looking uncomfortable when addressed with that question, "Well, Allen-kun is a _pretty_ person, most of the time. He has his moments, but usually he looks quite girly if you ask me… so that's why I thought…"

Her utterance ended when a hand came into contact with the top of her head and began caressing her hair slowly, gently. "It's OK, Miranda," the owner of the hand said quietly, "I understand why you thought that. I was just confirming it – I wanted to hear you say it."

The female exorcist smiled and closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of Lavi petting her hair, wondering exactly when it had been that they'd grown so much closer. "I hope Kanda-san comes to love you back, Lavi. You deserve happiness with someone." Lavi planted a small kiss of gratitude on her forehead when she said those words; she really was a great person.

--

**OK, so there wasn't very much Yullen or next to no LaviYuu this chapter, but that's because it's coming in the second half of this chapter :3 I love Miranda dearly now! I'm starting to lean towards LavixMiranda... hm... not sure about that one... And sorry for little to no plot development, there'll be even less in the next chapter! XD; but after that, I'll try my best to make something happen, I promise. I bet you're all dead-bored of this fic now XD;; Please review :3!**


	7. Tell me your feelings: part 02

**Triangle Chapter 07**

**Yey! Chapter 07 is up! I'll keep this short and sweet this time as I need to go to bed XD; THANK YOU to my reviewers! - xXJustAnotherFangirlXx, since you (and Allen XD) asked so nicely, I'll see what I can do, ok? ;3 maybe something like that will happen at the party... ;D! This chapter is longer than normal, but there was quite a bit to include... still feels rushed though / **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it :O SHOCK!**

--

Kanda sat down on his bed heavily, ignoring the creak of protest that it issued as it took his weight, and ran his right hand through his bangs irritably. He was in a flaming bad mood today, and his anger had reached its peak when Lavi had had the nerve to volunteer him for a duet during the coming party. The pissed off samurai didn't bother to read into his friend's actions too much this time though; he had probably done it due to just being, well, himself, rather than because he was in love with Kanda and wanted to do every thing and anything possible with him. Thinking like that was just taking things too far.

Not to mention the way he'd treated poor Allen. He had acted so shamefully, so completely opposite to how he _really_ wanted to be around the younger boy. He knew that he shouldn't have snapped, shouldn't have been so short with his very few comments, shouldn't have avoided eye contact. Why couldn't he take a leaf out of Lavi's book and open up, even just a little, to the Moyashi? Or, failing that, at least let the white haired exorcist know that he actually liked him. How could he allow him to think that all he wished was for his death? It made Kanda's heart practically bleed just thinking about it.

A light knock on his door startled him slightly and stopped the stream of Lavi-and-Allen-related thoughts; he looked up at the solid wooden entrance, glaring at it as if he was considering threatening the object. Who had followed him from the meeting and was now demanding entry to his personal area? If it was Allen, then that was perfectly fine; he would be able to at least attempt to utter an apology. If not, then he was likely to cut them down with whatever he could find.

"Who is it."

It wasn't a question. He said the words harshly, barking them out as if they were meant to insult. The person on the other side of the door, however, either failed to notice his tone or chose to ignore it.

"It's Lenalee. Can I come in for a bit please, Kanda?"

He almost rolled his eyes at the door, but then reminded himself that she couldn't see the gesture. What reason did she have to come and visit him?

"If you must. But literally 'for a bit'."

'_I'll find out soon enough', _he thought as the Chinese girl entered, bringing in her glowing smile with her and making the dark room seem much lighter than before. She directed the smile at Kanda, playing with a piece of her short hair as she did; she twirled it round her index finger tightly, letting it become curly before releasing it and allowing it to return to its original straightness, before repeating the feat all over again. If anyone else had been present, then they might have been led to believe that she was trying to flirt with the Japanese man. Said man knew better than to think in those ways: Lenalee didn't want _him_. She wanted _information_. Now.

"Hi, Kanda." She said simply, her beam intact despite the glare she was receiving. "Do you mind if I talk to you? I want to ask you some things."

Kanda raised an eyebrow suspiciously, unsure of her true intentions – who was she working for? If she was here for Lavi's sake, then he already knew how the conversation would go. She would poke and pry at his surface feelings, trying to find even a single cubic milligram of desire for the redhead, then when she found naught he would angrily advise her to leave the room and mind her own business. It's not like he disliked the girl – in fact, he was rather fond of her, no matter how distant he acted with her at times – but he didn't want to have _that_ kind of talk with her right now. In fact, not ever.

"Depends what you want to talk to me about," he said, trying to sound more cold than he was really feeling, "If you want to discuss ways in which we can somehow get Lavi to run around the Order naked, then forget it. I'd rather preserve my remaining innocence, thanks."

Lenalee giggled, finding Kanda's dry and sarcastic humour to be a nice change of pace for him. Not to mention the thought of Lavi prancing around in the nude, laughing hysterically; that brought a slight cringe-inducing smile to her face. "And so would I, to be quite honest. And somehow I doubt he'd do it, no matter what we think of him. He's not _that_ low, although he'd do most things requested of him if he found them amusing enough…"

Kanda sighed lightly, wishing she would get to the point of her visit sooner, rather than babble about a naked Lavi. Lenalee obviously picked up on his gesture of impatience and coughed delicately into her hand, pushing her topic of conversation to one side and forgetting about it.

"Right, yes, the reason why I'm here," she said, a light blush dusting her cheeks, "To be frank and straight to the point, I want to talk to you about Allen-kun."

Kanda had not been expecting _that_ to be her reason behind being there, sitting on his bed with him now and looking at his dark eyes seriously, all previous humour neglected. He swallowed nervously, hoping that she wouldn't notice.

"About the Moyashi?"

"Yes, Kanda, about the Moyashi."

"The cursed Moyashi?"

"How many Moyashis do you know, exactly? Yes, of course I mean the cursed one." She couldn't help adding on a "BaKanda" for her desired effect. It worked: Kanda then proceeded to blush ungraciously as Allen's nickname for him came into play.

"What about him?" He asked, completely ignoring her last word and pretending that he had never reacted to it. Lenalee made a mental note of how he behaved towards the word and filed it away for future reference. "If you want to know where he is then I can't help you. I don't know where he went after the meeting ended – probably went to stuff his face with food, no doubt."

There it was again! Kanda mentally skinned himself as he regretted saying something negative and unnecessary about the person he felt for. Why could he never say what he meant? Was he that out of touch with his normal human self?

"I want to tell you something that Allen-kun and I discussed last night," Lenalee said bluntly, indifferent to Kanda's negativity, "Something that involves you, Kanda."

There it was, she had said it. Lenalee awaited the response she anticipated – having Kanda try and cover up an obvious desire to know more – but the Japanese man just stared back at her pretty eyes, his expression unreadable.

"Che, Do you now." There was nothing, not even anger, in those cool dark eyes. _'Blank face, Kanda. Don't let her know what's going on in that loaf of yours. Keep her in suspense.'_

"I do indeed."

Silence.

A cough, from Lenalee, was all that reminded them that they were both still alive.

"Well? Are you going to tell me or not? I might not have looked busy when you came in, but I can think of plenty of things I need to do. So, if you wouldn't mind getting on with it…"

"Patience, Kanda-kun, is a virtue." She sounded just like her damn older brother when she said that. Kanda let slip a 'che'.

He didn't have time to play games with the Chinese girl, not when she knew something about Allen that he didn't. And it concerned him, so really he should know right now. That was the logic he was using to reason with his brain.

"Like I care what the Moyashi has to say about me," he snarled, faking malice. Lenalee almost flinched away from him. "It's probably something immature anyway."

"It's not, Kanda." Her voice was dead serious. Kanda dropped his gaze, focusing on the bed covers that he was sitting on momentarily. "Last night, Allen-kun told me that he… actually, no. I won't tell you. Not yet."

"Che. Baka."

"I do know what that means, you know. I may not speak Japanese, but I've heard you call Allen-kun and Lavi that enough times to understand what it means."

Kanda looked back up at her, wondering just what on earth she was trying to do. Did she want him to cut the information out of her? Although he really didn't want to do anything violent to the female exorcist, he felt that that was the last resort that he would submit to if needs be.

"First of all," she said, unprompted, her tone authorative, "I need to know how you feel. Then, when I have that information, I can tell you what I know. Sound like a fair deal?"

"Che, no."

"Geez, Kanda…"

Kanda shook his head slightly, his long ponytail swishing lightly behind him and flicking his back. "No way; I don't like opening up to people, in case you haven't noticed."

"Do you like Allen-kun?" She asked, her blunt way of speaking returning at full force. Kanda blinked at her, shocked.

"Well, I don't hate the idiot, if that's what you mean…"

'_No, I don't like him. I fucking adore the little pest, worship the ground he walks on, smell the clothes he's worn. You have no idea.'_

"That's not what I meant, Kanda," she said, frowning a little, causing creases to form on her forehead, "I meant do you actually _like_ him? Like, feel anything at all?"

Kanda paused before answering, unsure of how to admit to anything. He didn't want to – the instinctive fight, flight or freeze reflex began to kick in as he felt ever so slightly threatened, but had no idea why. He wanted to run, fast, to get away from the probing questions that were being put forward to him. He'd never felt so on-the-spot in his life, and was now hating it with a passion.

"Do you want to… kiss him?"

If Kanda had been drinking anything at that moment, he would have spat it out for sure. Instead, as there was a distinct lack of drink present, he simply gaped at her, his mouth open, his eyes disbelieving. Lenalee vaguely wondered if she should have suggested that before getting any kind of response to the previous question. She nervously laced her fingers into one-another, wondering if she should just laugh it off and say she was joking. But no! She couldn't give up here – she was fighting for Allen-kun's happiness! But now, as she chanced a glance at Kanda and recognised the murderous gleam in his eye, she questioned whether or not it was really worth it.

Kanda didn't know what to make of that question. Well, he did, but rather he didn't know quite how to voice it. Yes, yes of course he wanted to kiss Allen, wanted to do many things with him, but he couldn't admit it to the Chinese girl before him: it was like admitting defeat to his emotions.

So instead, he groaned loudly. Lenalee, gaining confidence from his lack of murderous actions, smiled slightly and shifted a little closer to the Japanese man, who's face was now in his palm, thoroughly ignoring her presence.

"What am I to make of a groan like that, Kanda?" She asked, her voice teasing, gentle. He replied by grunting at her, as if she could interpret Kanda-speech. "And that doesn't help either, silly."

Kanda parted his fingers a crack so that he could look at her with one eye, and began frowning angrily at her, wishing that she was as ignorant as Krory. _She knew_. There was no denying it – somehow, miraculously, Lenalee Lee knew that Kanda Yuu liked Allen Walker. But _how_ did she know? He hadn't confirmed it, hadn't even _hinted_ that he did, so then how? _'Oh yeah, that groan... must be a woman thing.'_

"You've already figured it out, Lenalee," he said, his voice muffled by the palm that was attached to his face, "so just get on with it. Laugh at me, fangirl over my feelings, document it and lock it away in your diary. Heck, do what you want, just don't tell the Baka-Usagi."

Lenalee felt a huge blush and squeal building up inside her chest, and worried passively as it felt like she would burst at any given moment. She hadn't known at all; she had hoped, but not known. How could she have, with just that one noise to go by? It could have meant a number of things: Kanda could have done it due to annoyance, due to it being true, due to it conjuring up bad memories (what memories they could be Lenalee didn't know), or even due to a sudden stomach ache. She couldn't believe it. Kanda actually did have emotions after all!

The exorcist unthinkingly flung her arms around the Japanese man's neck and hugged him tightly, giggling like a child would do as she suppressed the urge to call him adorable and pinch his cheeks – Kanda wasn't the pinching of cheeks type of man. He didn't even try to push her off or threaten her life for invading his personal space, but rather just let her have her little fangirl spasm on him - he didn't really care. He managed to crack a grin as a thought crossed his mind while she let slip a delighted sounding squeal into his collarbone: he could use her to his advantage. Having someone know about his burning, inexorable love for the Moyashi would be useful, as now it wasn't a secret and he could attempt to ask her advice on what to do next.

"Hey, Kanda?" Lenalee said a little breathlessly, finally sitting up but still smiling widely, "do you want to know something funny?"

"Go for it. Make my day."

"I didn't know until you said I figured it out. Thanks for that! Before then I was only hoping, not knowing. You're so sweet."

All the colour drained from the samurai's face as he felt like he was going to faint.

--

He wasn't entirely sure why or when he had acted, but currently Lavi was standing up besides the discarded book he had been engrossed in only a short while ago - before Miranda had come in and talked to him – and was hugging the older woman tightly, praying that she would not break the contact and leave him. He needed someone right now more than he had initially realised, and was immensely grateful to have her here, beside him. He just hoped that she understood that.

She did. She understood completely, and accepted his hug as if he was going to have a break down if she didn't hold on to him. Her heart hurt desperately as she tried to imagine the anguish he must have been through, just keeping the information to himself and also not having his love returned; she would have not been able to hold herself together if she had been in his position right now - she would be sobbing in a lonesome corner somewhere.

"Lavi-kun," she said softly, digging her fingernails into the fabric of the forest green top he was wearing, "It'll be alright. It'll all become alright soon."

"Hn." He grunted quietly into her hair, tightening his grip around her upper arms. Somehow, he didn't believe her, no matter how much he longed to.

"I'm sure Kanda-san doesn't have anyone that he likes, so you can just tell him how you sincerely love him, and then hopefully he'll accept you." Somehow, the twenty five year old woman was always scarily positive when the spotlight was not shining on her.

"I wish." Lavi said, the sorrow showing through in his voice, "You didn't see the way he looked at Allen in the Ark back then. You didn't see the horror on his face when he realised that Allen had seen me kissing him. Sure, he'd look like that no matter who it was who saw us, but it was much more… acute, when he looked at Allen. He loves the little Bean."

Miranda patted his back reassuringly, a little unsure how she should react to that. Today seemed to be information overload, and most of her male friends were apparently closet homosexuals. It was all a little bit too much to process in her mind in one go.

"So, you think Kanda-san likes Allen-kun?" Her question stung Lavi, even if it had not been intended for that reaction. "Does that mean Kanda-san likes men in general, or just Allen-kun?"

"No idea," Lavi sighed, "But I kinda hope that it's the first suggestion. Then I'd stand a better chance, no matter how slim it was."

Miranda laid her head on the redhead's left shoulder, breathing in his scent and enjoying their embrace. It felt so warm, so wonderful, so loving. She wasn't used to affection, but was exulted to be on the receiving end of it this time as well as giving it.

"Lavi," she mumbled, "If we were able to stay like this forever, would that be a bad thing?"

He had to hold in a chuckle at her remark. She had ignored – whether it had been intentionally or not was beyond him – his last words, and was instead focusing on the hug. She was a sweetheart sometimes.

"Oh, I dunno," he said warmly, tweaking the pink ribbon that she now took to wearing in her hair to keep it out of her face, "If your breasts magically disappeared and you grew taller, and you became more muscular and went around saying 'che' at everything, then I would have to say 'hell yeah baby!'." – Miranda laughed at this, imagining herself as a female version of the person Lavi had just described – "But for now, I think we should settle on remaining like this until one of us collapses from exhaustion."

She smiled into his shirt. "Is that a challenge?" She asked daringly. She felt him nod at her question.

"Sure, why not. But, be prepared to lose."

As Miranda drew her face away from his body long enough to raise and eyebrow at his certainty of winning their pointless and rather daft challenge, the apprentice Bookman felt so much gratitude for her that it truly felt like it was about to liquefy and come streaming out of his ears. She had diverted his mind away from the pressing matter of he who was Kanda, and had even managed to make him feel happier than he thought possible in his current state of internal turmoil.

"You know what?" He asked as her head took up its position on his shoulder again, "If it weren't for our age gap and my love for Mr I-hate-everything-except-for-Moyashi, then I would most probably label you as a Strike right now and attempt to seduce you, Miranda."

She giggled, muffling the sound with her hand. "Thank goodness for those two factors then," she said lightly, the smile on her lips coming through in her voice, "because I can't ever imagine developing those kinds of feelings for my closest and most precious friend."

Lavi's cheeks burned a fierce red as the words rolled over him; he secretly thanked God for allowing them to become this close without falling for each other.

--

Allen poked the huge plate of food in front of him with his fork, feeling thoroughly depressed; it was so bad now that he had amazingly even lost the will to eat his food. Sighing quietly to himself, the white haired boy let go of the cutlery with a clatter and laid his chin in the palms of his hands, his unfocused eyes gazing at the doors leading in and out of the cafeteria. Ever since his conversation with Lenalee the day before, he had thought of nothing but Kanda. Heck, it had started way before then: he remembered distantly how he had felt when he had seen the man standing there beside Lavi, alive, carrying an unconscious Krory on his back, after Allen had brought them all back from the brink of destruction along with the Ark. And when the man had _smiled_ at the sound of the younger boy's voice calling him BaKanda – that had made the tears increase in his eyes then. Seeing him alive and well (and not to mention topless) had lifted his spirits heavenwards and through the clouds above. Thinking about it now, that may have been the moment when he began to notice that his feelings towards his friend were not like the ones he felt when he saw others.

Lenalee's words had encouraged him and put his mind to rest, making him feel more peaceful within himself, albeit a little embarrassed at having his friend uncover his emotions when thinking about a certain grumpy exorcist. The Chinese girl had urged him to speak to Kanda more, to try and avoid conflicts with him and to have a go at making the man more social. But then he had seen _them_ together… all of his courage had fled from his body quicker than a teenage girl racing to an 80 off sale at her favourite clothes shop.

And now there was the party to think of. What would happen there? Would Lavi make any more inappropriate moves on Kanda? Allen just wished, hoped, that he would have the bravery to casually ask the Japanese man to dance with him at least once.

Ah. But there was still the matter of Kanda's own feelings; it was plain as day that he hated the white haired boy. Or at least, that's what said boy was led to believe. Allen sunk further into his hands as he recalled the way that Kanda had spoken to him that morning; how he had been so curt and rude.

It was there and then that Allen decided not to confess anything, as Lenalee had recommended, unless he felt sure that Kanda at least liked him even a teeny tiny bit.

--

"If you and Allen-kun ever got together, I think I would die from happiness," Lenalee admitted as she ran her fingers through Kanda's glossy hair that was now loose and spilling down his back. She had successfully persuaded him to let her play with it for a little while they discussed Allen-related topics – Kanda saw it as punishment for stupidly thinking that she had already uncovered that he liked the subject of their conversation.

"If we ever get together, I think I'll die from shock," he said, his eye twitching as the female exorcist found a knot in his long hair and yanked it out. "I don't see myself as someone who would ever become intimate with another person. It's just not feasible."

"Yes it is!" Lenalee said, sounding genuinely shocked by his words, "Kanda, I think, no, I almost _know _that you are perfectly capable of loving another human, and if you took down the barrier that you surround yourself with then I just know that you'll get someone."

"Che, I don't want _someone_."

"Right. You want Allen-kun." She didn't see the light pink blush on his pale features, but knew it was there regardless.

"Yeah. I guess so." His response made Lenalee giggle girlishly: he was so _cute_ when he stopped being the usual cold Kanda and became the Kanda with normal-people feelings. "But the Moyashi doesn't want me. So let's leave it at that. I'll become the Baka-Usagi's play-thing against my own will, you'll marry Moyashi because he's 100 straight, Miranda will elope with Krory and Chaoji will move in with Noise Marie. Happy times for all."

"You forgot about the generals." She liked it when Kanda went off on one of his few sarcastic rants, and was keen for him to continue. He complied.

"Right. Cross will then abduct Moyashi and force him to work as a slave for his new girl Cloud, and then the other two will kill each other in a disagreement about whether or not they should take you on as a housemaid or not. There, end of story."

Lenalee smiled, glad that Kanda had been distracted enough to not notice her braiding his silky hair and then tying it at the bottom with his usual white hair-tie. He would murder her for that, if he realised in time.

"But anyway, enough of that," Kanda said, making the girl behind him jump a little; it was rare for him to speak unprompted, "Earlier on you said something interesting. You said something like 'Last night, Allen-kun told me that he', and then you wouldn't say what it was that he said. And you also said that it was to do with me." He turned around to face her, oblivious towards the braid and also not registering the smile dancing in Lenalee's eyes. "So spill it."

"But I didn't think you cared about what he thought of you," she teased, glad that the Japanese man had returned to that topic: she was burning to tell him what she knew.

"Well evidently I do," he said, almost starting the sentence with an impatient 'che', "and I'd be grateful if you told me so that I don't have to go and get it out of the Sprout himself."

A look of knowing sparkled in her dark eyes like a fire that had just been lit; she couldn't wait to see the look on Kanda's face when she told him the truth. She wanted to laugh: who could have ever imagined that they would be having a conversation like this? The irony made her positively giddy.

"I am doing this for Allen-kun's sake," she said, relishing in Kanda's impatient expression, "But he is clueless about my being here. He wanted to tell you himself, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he won't say a word. So I'm doing it for him."

"I'll bear that in mind," _'when I get the chance to kiss him. Lots.'_

She was practically glowing now. "Allen-kun discovered last night, with my help, that he likes you, Kanda-kun." She paused, enjoying the result on Kanda's face. He gawped, losing his usual look of lording everything over. "And he likes you quite a bit, as far as I could gather. He wants to be with you, but thinks you hate him."

The man felt like he could fly – surely, somehow, wings must have sprouted from his shoulder blades. Allen _liked_ him? Wow. Epic.

But then one very annoying, very unwanted image floated into his mind as he felt happiness like never before. A bright, red and laughing image.

Lavi.

--

**Yeah. My attempt at a cliffhanger. Let me know what you think! XD Hope you like it, and review of course ;D I heart reviews! And LaviYuu fans, sorry to disappoint :O but there should be more along the way soon! Same with Yullen /huggles everyone\**


	8. What to do?

**Triangle Chapter 08**

**Well then! Here's chapter 08! Yey! I didn't think that this fic would even make it past chapter 05 because I always rush things, but this time around I seem to be doing the opposite XD; and it's all thanks to my lovely reviewers! \lovelove/ If it weren't for all of you, then I would have given up long ago and just concluded it without it going anywhere. And I now finally know pretty much exactly how things will go from here on out. Please just bear with me for a while longer! I would love to break 25 chapters and 100 reviews, but we'll see how it goes XD; Sorry if this fic seems to be taking forever to get anything done, but I'm getting there now. Hopefully the party will start next chapter! Yey! I can't wait to write that :3**

**Just so you know, the next update might not be along for quite a while since my family is coming over tomorrow to celebrate my birthday (so I won't get a chance to write then), and then I'm doing something after collage every day of this week with various groups of friends to celebrate my birthday on Wednesday also. So, I'm sorry! Dx I want to write, but it's looking unlikely over the next 7 days. Ah well, hope this chappie is well received XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man. If I did, then Kanda would get together with Allen and have lots and lots of teh smex. Oh yus, you read right!**

--

Allen plodded back to his room very slowly, the weight in his heart seeming to pull him down to the ground beneath him and made walking very difficult and tiring. He heaved a sigh, cursing his stupid emotions and wishing them away with all of his might: it didn't help in the slightest. In fact, it just made him feel even worse, but he couldn't explain why.

'_Stop being so flipping depressing,' _he told himself angrily, shaking his head a little so that his bangs fell in front of his eyes, _'you have no reason to be like this. Kanda doesn't like Lavi – he said so himself. You haven't said anything to Kanda, so it's not like you've been rejected. Just grow up and pull yourself together!'_

He knocked his fist into the side of his skull lightly, punishing himself for being depressed. _'Not to mention, Kanda's a guy. And so are you. It's just wrong to think of him like that. So stop it right now.'_

"It's not," he said out loud to the silence around him, "It's not wrong to like him. Not at all." The white haired exorcist clamped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from progressing further into his short monologue. What if the Fourteenth replied to his words? What would he do then? Knowing that the Noah existed within him was bad enough to prevent him from sleeping occasionally, but if the thing actually _spoke_ to him like it had in the Ark, then he didn't know how he would react. Something inside him told him that it would not be calmly handled.

'_I'll go see Lenalee.' _He decided with an affirmative nod of his head. _'Talking to her might help this pressure on my heart.'_

His feet carried him noiselessly in the general direction in which he knew Lenalee's room was situated, hoping to find her in there. The muscles in his arm twitched slightly as he passed Kanda's room, wanting to burst in there and surprise-glomp the unsuspecting man until he was unconscious from lack of breath. But that plan was filled with numerous flaws, and was hence abandoned.

"Lenalee will help me," he murmured, clutching his anti-akuma-weapon-arm close to him as if to protect it, and carried on past the Japanese man's room, "she'll know what I should do."

He was completely unaware that the Chinese girl was in fact on the other side of the door he had just stood next to, happily playing with the object of his desire's long hair.

--

Lavi. He was thinking of _Lavi_ at a time like this. Why? Why was the redheaded rabbit invading his thoughts _now _of all times? It was so inappropriate that it nearly made him laugh until he was sick. Lenalee had just said that Allen liked him, and here he was, thinking of the person he clearly _didn't _want to think of. Oh, the irony. It was killing him.

"Are you sure you're not mistaken?" He asked, unable to keep his voice from shaking slightly, "I don't think it's possible for him to feel like that."

"Oh, Kanda, you self-conscious silly," Lenalee laughed, "That's what he thinks too. You should have heard him yesterday, then you'd understand. He was so earnest, so honest. I wanted to give him a cuddle." Kanda raised an eyebrow at her. "He was saying stuff like 'that BaKanda, he's always so mean to me! Why can't he see how important he is to me?' And then I said something like 'Maybe because you never let it show?' And then he was saying all these things like how he really wanted to show you, and be closer to you, and other such stuff. And then, I figured it out, and he agreed. He's so cute!"

Kanda blinked at her in disbelief. The Moyashi had really said something like that, and about _him_ of all people? It didn't seem to add up in the samurai's brain – surely Allen thought that he hated him; it seemed impossible for him to have feelings for such a person who appeared to despise everything he did, including exist.

"Che, I don't deserve to be liked by someone as pure as him." Kanda said roughly, trying to hide the remorse in his voice but failing miserably. Lenalee touched his right upper arm lightly, her cheery expression now replaced with a more serious and almost piteous look. "And what's that face for? I haven't said anything wrong."

Lenalee smiled somewhat weakly, squeezing the muscular arm beneath her fingers briefly. "You do deserve him, _baka_. I think you'd be good together – he'd make you open up more to others, and you'd toughen him up a bit more when it came to matters not concerning Akuma or the Earl. If you would just accept your own feelings and go for it, then you'd both be happy. The only person standing in the way of your happiness is you, Kanda, no one else."

Kanda dropped his gaze from her face, mulling over the words she'd just said. She was so right: he was the only one stopping his happiness. _'Well, myself and Lavi'_ he thought with a snarl, _'why did he have to go and do those idiotic things? Baka-Usagi.'_

"Go and find him," The Chinese girl said firmly, capturing Kanda's vision once again. "Tell him everything that we've talked about. Ask him what he thinks, get his reply, and then kiss him like you mean it. And then, for once, _smile_." She prodded the corners of his mouth gently, enhancing the point she had just made since they were currently turned down in a frown. Kanda almost flinched from the unexpected contact, but instead tried to say something smart. Nothing came to his mind.

"Che."

Lenalee raised an eyebrow and stood up off the Japanese man's bed, her expression unreadable. She lifted her arm up so that it was parallel with her shoulder joint, and pointed at the door with her index finger.

"Go, Kanda." She said, her voice still firm and in control. "Go and find Allen-kun. Don't think about what other people will say, don't think about how admitting to emotions will make you look weak, don't think about consequences. Just do it. OK?"

He didn't really have much of a choice, what with her glaring at him like that. Boy, could she change when she put herself in charge of things. So, standing up silently and running a hand through his bangs briefly, Kanda went to leave his room. Before her reached the door and opened it, he momentarily placed his left hand on the Chinese exorcist's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, mouthing 'thank you' at her. Lenalee smiled widely at him as he passed and strode down the corridor, leaving it up to her to shut up his room. She was on the verge of calling him back to tell him that the braid was still intact in his hair, but just as she opened her mouth to speak, Kanda disappeared out of her sight.

She giggled to herself, fingers going up to her mouth as she thought that the sound might grow louder if she thought of it for too long. She silently wished him good luck.

--

Lavi clomped loudly down the stairs from the library, thinking that the best thing he could do would be either going to the cafeteria and wait there for Allen, go to Allen's room and bother him in there, or go and stalk Yuu-chan; all three seemed like fantastic ideas, but he was rather fond of putting the third into action first. It had only been last night that he'd been in contact with the antisocial man, but he was craving more of him already. Also, he was quite keen on finding out for definite whether or not Kanda liked Allen in _that _way; even though he had just talked to Miranda about the subject for quite some time, he still hasn't convinced. He hoped that he was just thinking in a negative way and that Kanda didn't really feel anything when he looked at the Moyashi.

He had won the war that he'd waged with Miranda in the library – his lips broke into a warm grin as he remembered how she'd forfeited, complaining about how her feet were starting to hurt in the slightly heeled shoes she was wearing. He would gloat to her later on, if he remembered at the time. But right now, at this moment, his thoughts were mainly consumed with his Japanese friend, and all memory of the German woman was pushed to the back of his mind; he could think about her later on.

The redhead glanced up from the floor he was looking at when he heard the sound of heavy boots echoing off the walls down the passageway he was occupying. He fleetingly wondered what would happen if the sound belonged to his love, and also what would happen if they somehow met in a flurry of passion and rushed confessions from both sides, ending happily in spontaneous wedlock. He chuckled just at the thought of the randomness and total out of character on Kanda's part.

"Lavi?"

The apprentice Bookman was pulled out of his half-formed fantasies when he heard his name spoken in that cold, harsh voice that belonged to his beloved Yuu-chan, who was now standing in front of him and looking utterly shocked at the sight of his friend.

Lavi's features broke into a genuine and huge smile as his eyes hungrily ate up the sight they were subjected to, and the impulse to hug the man was just too much for him to bear. "Yuu-chan!" he shouted happily, running at his friend with his arms spread wide in front of himself, "I missed you my love!"

Kanda had the wind knocked out of his lungs as Lavi hit him at full force and pulled him into a tight hug, nuzzling the side of his face into Kanda's. The redhead had attacked him so quickly that he hadn't had the time to prepare and side-step at the correct moment. Damn.

"Che, I'm not your love."

"Yes you are! I love you, therefore you're my love!"

"Baka-Usagi. Let go of my now, before I have to kill you."

Lavi stopped his cheek-rubbing and released the man reluctantly, noticing the seriousness in his voice as he issued the death threat. He didn't want to die just yet, thank you very much.

"Geez Yuu-chan, you don't have to get so mad at me that quickly," Lavi pouted, looking scarily similar to Allen at that second. Kanda sighed and looked away from him, recognising the pout and not wanting to think about the boy more than he already was.

"Che. If you don't want me to get mad so quickly, then don't give me a reason to," Kanda said harshly, "Don't attack me so suddenly, and don't call me by my god-damned first name. Got it?"

Lavi saluted happily, mocking the situation. "Aye! I'll bear that in mind, Yuu-chan! Oops, um, I mean, Kanda. Ahaha, it just doesn't sound good, you know? I've called you by your first name since the day I met you… how long have we known each other now anyway?"

"Too long…"

"Naw! I'd say around two years or more?"

"Like I said, too long."

Lavi huffed at the Japanese man, faking a look of sadness; in reality, he was happier now than he had been all day, even more so than when he's held Miranda like a lover in the library. This was all that he needed, like a drug, to function properly: he needed to be with Kanda. Always.

"So anyway, where're you headed, Yuu-chan?" He ignored the piercing glare he received for using the forbidden name, "It's rare to see you wondering the halls that connect everyone's rooms. Are you lost? Want me to guide you back to your room? Or maybe even my room…?" Hey, a guy's got to have hope, right?

"Che, no thanks." Kanda spat. Deciding that the redhead was not going to apologise for the use of his first name, he continued walking in the direction that he was headed before the fateful meeting. "And I'm not lost. I'm going to look for someone."

Lavi hastened to follow Kanda, now interested in the purpose behind his friend being out. "Oh? For who? If you want Komui, he's in his office as far as I know, so being up here is kinda pointless-"

"It doesn't concern you," Kanda interjected, "So go away. I don't want you tagging along with me." He absolutely did _not _want Lavi present when he tried to spill his guts to the younger boy. That would be so embarrassing.

"Are you looking for Allen, by any chance?" Lavi asked, his tone lower than before and laced with a certain sense of danger. Kanda's shoulders stiffened but he didn't stop walking, despite the increase in his heart beats. How did Lavi know that? _How?_ He couldn't have just randomly guessed, right? Oh boy…

"Yes, actually. I am." Came the almost defiant reply. He had no reason to hide that fact, since his friend should have had no idea as to why he was going there. For all he knew, the samurai was seeking out the Sprout so that he could vent some rage out on him.

Lavi's shoulders slumped forward slightly, but the action went unnoticed by the other man. _'Of course he's looking for Allen. Here is your proof that he likes him; might not make sense to others, but its true. This is a conformation.'_ The apprentice Bookman daringly slid his left hand into Kanda's right, gripping it tightly when the other man tried to pull away.

"Kanda," Lavi said seriously before his companion could speak, holding onto the hand as if it was a dear treasure to him, "I want to talk to you about something. Our relationship is-"

"Is none-existent." Kanda cut in, his mood rising as well as his body heat. He didn't have time for this: he wanted to talk to Allen about _their _relationship. "So let go."

"I don't want to let go of you," Lavi said, matching his pace to Kanda's as he gained speed, "I don't think I can."

"Here, let me help you." Kanda tried once again to free his hand from Lavi's, but the slightly taller exorcist only held on tighter.

"Why won't you accept my feelings, Kanda? Why won't you listen to me?"

"Che, I have accepted them, just not returned them. And I do listen to you, but I don't give you the reply you want to hear. Will that suffice?"

"No, it won't," Lavi said, tears beginning to form in his eye. This wasn't _fair_. What did Allen have that he didn't, besides a freaky looking arm and eye? "I love you, but you love Allen. I hate this angst-filled love Triangle."

Kanda looked at Lavi straight in the eye, annoyance practically shooting out of his own irises into the redhead's single emerald. How could he just cling to him like a child and spout that kind of talk?

"What makes you think I love the Moyashi?" He asked curtly, aware that he had yet to free his hand from Lavi's.

"I'm not stupid," Lavi scoffed at him, "So don't act like I am. I've seen the way you look at him, act around him, talk about him. At least have the decency to admit that you like him. I've done it and I'm proud of that fact, so why can't you do it too?"

There was a flaw in what the redhead had just said, as far as Kanda could see. "Aren't you contradicting your own feelings by saying that, Baka-Usagi? If I said I liked the Bean then that would make you feel worse, or so I would think. What're you trying to get at?"

Lavi shook his head a little and shrugged sadly, knowing the answer but feeling reluctant to voice it. He still did, though. "Because if you liked him and pursued him, then it would kinda be like a wake-up slap for me and I would have no choice but to accept it and move on, since I'm not low enough to break up a couple no matter how I feel about one of them. But as you are now, just denying me, I can't take it. Until you hook up with someone, I won't be able to leave you alone and attempt to give up. You get what I mean?"

Kanda nodded, his pace slowing down significantly until they were only dawdling down the passageway, drawing ever closer to Allen's bedroom. "I get what you mean. But I think you're stupid to think in such a way."

'_No I don't. Not at all. I know exactly how you feel, Lavi. That's precisely how I feel about Allen. I can understand and relate to the pain you're in.'_

"Then, you've obviously never properly been in love before," Lavi said miserably, his thumb unconsciously tracing light circles on the back of the hand that he held in his.

'_I have been – I am right now.'_

"Obviously not." Saying the complete opposite of what he felt was like having a knife drawn down his chest and stomach, cutting him open and leaving him to bleed on the floor. The pain, while not physical, was indescribable.

"But what you feel for Allen is there, whether you class it as love or not." Lavi said, growing more and more depressed. Why was he helping his love come to terms with loving someone that was not him? The answer to that was that Lavi was just that kind of person. No matter how much he suffered himself, he would do anything in the world to make Kanda smile, even if it meant giving him up. That was the depth of his emotions.

When Kanda looked at him questioningly, wondering why he was saying such things, Lavi simply replied with three words. "I Love You."

"Lavi…" Kanda came to a stand still, finally freeing his hand from the redhead's grasp; it felt surprisingly chilly when on its own.

"I want to be with you so much, you know," Lavi said, smiling nervously at the floor, suddenly shy, "But you keep denying me that pleasure. No matter how much I try, I'll never get you, will I?"

Kanda shrugged. "Che. It's not like you've tried _that_ hard…" he mumbled, also looking at the floor. "You've kissed me twice, and told me several times how you feel, and I think you stalk me too."

"It's been going on for longer than since that first kiss." the Bookman said truthfully, but was unable to say _when _it had started – he couldn't quite recall the time at that moment. It was there in his impeccable memory, but he couldn't reach it.

The long haired exorcist's vision flickered back up and focused on Lavi's more-than-glum face. How could he have failed to realise the extend of his love for this long? He really was a lot more stupid than he thought. He felt a little bit guilty to be standing there, not responding to the poor man who was pouring his heart out to him but not expecting anything but a 'che' in return; a part of him regretted being so cold and unfeeling on the outside, when really on the inside he did have emotions, even if they weren't always very strong or defined.

He wasn't quite sure what came over him at that instant, but suddenly Kanda was pulling Lavi into him and wrapping his arms around him tightly, as if he wanted to protect him from an unseen danger. He breathed in deeply, smelling the man's shampoo and his own distinct bodily fragrance, as well as the scent of books. Lots of books. The Japanese man almost smiled when he realised that his friend had probably been sitting in the library since the meeting all those hours ago. Lavi just simply blushed into the side of Kanda's face, taking note of the cute and neat braid that trailed down his back.

"I'm sorry, Lavi," Kanda said, barely loud enough for the redhead to hear, "I never considered the pain I've been causing you. I thought it was just a stupid physical crush that had gotten obsessive and led you to believe you were in love. I know how much it hurts to not be able to touch the one you like in the ways you desire. Even this – a hug – is usually out of the question."

Lavi felt close to tears again; he could feel them forming in the back of his eye. Gently, he raised his hands and placed them on Kanda's shoulders, pulling away enough to be able to look into those deep, dark eyes that he adored so much. A sad smile had crept onto his features and settled there as he looked at the slightly shorter exorcist.

"If I were to kiss you now, Yuu-chan," he breathed, "Would that be such a bad thing?"

Kanda was a little taken aback by Lavi's boldness. He had never looked at the hammer-wielding-Bookman in _that_ way before the first kiss, but was being made to more now than ever before. If things didn't work out with the Moyashi, then being with the rabbit wouldn't be so bad. Kanda felt his chest constrict with guilt at having a back up plan.

"Che, yes, it would." He said at length, trying not to see the immense and obvious disappointment in the single green eye before him. "That Moyashi would notice that my lips were swollen. He's observant with things like that."

"So…" Lavi said, still keeping his face close, the question he was about to ask burning on his lips, "Do you like him? You still haven't told me properly yet, and I'd quite like to know."

Kanda couldn't look at him. Currently, being this close to his friend, he was completely open and vulnerable, and knew that if he tried lying then Lavi would see through it anyway; he was as good at reading people as he was at reading books.

"Yes." There was no emotion behind the response; Kanda couldn't bring himself to put it there.

Lavi felt like his whole world had fallen down around him as he stood there in Kanda's arms, embracing him back, being told that he did in fact like Allen Walker. His heart threatened to stop beating, and the air in his lungs seemed to vanish. How could something so good, like being held by the other exorcist, be turned into his worst nightmare with just a simple word? It was slightly baffling when thought about in depth.

"Oh… Ahaha… I knew it."

Kanda didn't get the chance to reply since Lavi gently laid his lips upon his own at that moment. It was so unlike the previous time, which had been rough and painful, as this one was full of real love and passion, rather than sudden lust. Kanda found himself allowing the other exorcist to deepen the kiss as Lavi slowly and hesitantly wound his left arm around his waist and used the other to cup his right cheek.

"L… Lavi," he said quietly when he broke the kiss, "I said not to… it's not a good idea…"

"Yeah, I know," Lavi said, licking his lips, "But I want to be selfish right now, so sorry. Think of this as a goodbye kiss."

Kanda tried to argue, but the redhead silenced him again, moving his lips against his partner's to shamelessly go straight into a deep and steamy kiss. The Japanese man vaguely wondered why he wasn't fighting his friend off him and running off to proclaim his love for the cursed boy, but his body rebelled against his thoughts and stayed there rooted to the spot. If this really was Lavi's last act of Kanda-chasing, then he saw no harm in complying with his final wish. Lavi's heart nearly stopped when he felt the man kiss him back.

After several minutes, Kanda brought the make-out session to a stop and stepped away from the now short-of-breath exorcist, wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve so as to get rid of any remaining saliva that might have lingered there. His cheeks were uncharacteristically flaming red, matching the Bookman's beautiful hair.

"Well then," he said, unsure how to act after that performance, "I think I'll be going now. See you."

His eyes swept over Lavi once before he turned away and made his way towards his final destination, shaking slightly from shock. _'Why the fuck did I kiss back?! I amaze myself sometimes, seriously.'_

"Thank you, Yuu-chan," Lavi said to his back, "And, I love you too."

Kanda grunted something but the redhead couldn't make out what he had said, so just shrugged it off. And, to save his love from any possible embarrassment, he added, "And that braid looks great on you. You should make it a permanent style!"

Kanda put a hand to his hair and, to his horror, felt the braid there. He hastily pulled out the hair tie at the bottom and began cursing whoever had had the nerve to do such a thing to him without him realising, forgetting all about a certain female exorcist who had been playing with his hair just moments ago.

--

**Ugh... that was so awful and lame Dx I'm so sorry! I fail so bad X-X; I ended it badly, sorry sorry sorry... don't kill the writer! :O Review if you want, but I won't blame you if you stop reading from now on... gaah ;A;**


	9. Date?

**Triangle Chapter 09**

**Yahoo! Hika is back! After a week of writing nothing I had such a major writer's block when I started this chapter this morning, but as I got into it I found myself writing more than I intended... and the chapter became six and a half thousand words long D: woo! I just hope that it's not 6500 words of rubbish... my sister isn't here today to help me proof read it, so I'm sorry if it's awful! Dx Oh! And a HUGE thank you to my reviewers! Reviews are what keep me working (I know I keep saying this, but it's true!). Without reviews, this fic and I would die out and finish ;A; so THANK YOU!  
I had a fantastic birthday, and I now also have a fantastic boyfriend :D so being 17 comes with loads of happiness straight away... but you probably don't care about stuff like that, I don't blame you though, it's kinda boring XD; so, on with the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man. If I did, then Allen and Kanda would have had sex in the Ark. Repeatedly. Oho ;D**

**--**

It had been a week since he'd attempted to talk to Allen Walker and tell him everything that he felt for him, a week since he'd been kissed by Lavi and nearly enjoyed it, a week since he'd backed out, gave up, on speaking to the Moyashi even after all of Lenalee's help and Lavi's apparent approval. He had failed.

Kanda stood in the doorway of the cafeteria, which was now decked out in many beautiful and elaborate decorations for the party that would take place later on that evening, watching the cursed boy that he cared for so much chatter away happily with Jerry the cook. He had a large smile on his face and was using his hands to exaggerate the point that he was trying to get across to the other man – they were apparently talking about food, as Allen was miming the size of something invisible and pretending to eat it while Jerry nodded enthusiastically and scribbled on a piece of paper that was clutched in his hand.

He had been all set to spill everything to the younger exorcist the week before, totally ready to confess and forget about his pride momentarily. So why hadn't he said anything? When he had left Lavi and then found Allen moments later as he was just about to enter his room, why had he just shut down everything in his heart and carried on walking by, only uttering a remark that sounded suspiciously like 'Damn Moyashi'? It made no damn sense to the Japanese man. If he'd just done as planned, then he could have saved himself a week's worth of angst and frustration and instead received a week's worth of kisses and loving moments. He blamed it all entirely on Lavi: that was the easiest option.

"Kanda!"

Kanda looked up from his feet – which he'd been staring at for the last few seconds – and his gaze met that of Allen's. He felt his breath catch in his chest briefly and the adrenalin begin to pump through his body at a crazy fast pace, but his fake expression of boredom did not falter.

"What is it, Moyashi." He said, feigning a mood of anger that was not really present and glaring at the white haired boy from the other side of the vast room.

Allen tried his hardest to smile happily at his friend, wishing that he would come closer to him; after a week of being rudely ignored for reasons he could not begin to fathom, this was the most they had said to each other since the party was announced. "Can you come over here and give us a hand? Jerry says your input will help a lot-"

"Che. I'm busy." Kanda's reply was spat out harshly, absolutely not reflecting his desire to take a running jump over the tables that stood between the two of them and hug the exorcist until he nearly suffocated.

Allen raised an eyebrow, the opaque star mark on his forehead lifting by a centimetre or two as he did so. "You're busy?" He said flatly, "Doing what? Blocking the doorway and looking grumpy? Wow, that looks difficult. Take your time with that, why don't you." He too managed to conceal what he was really thinking and what he really wanted to say with such expertise it scared him.

"I'll do my best." Kanda wanted to laugh at their short and bitchy exchange; regardless of whether Allen knew it was all intended to be in jest or not, the samurai found it to be amusing to say the least, as if they were behaving like a couple who were used to sarcastic verbal wars. "If you need someone, go and get the Usagi. I bet he'll love to help."

Allen looked at Jerry, who also found the conversation entertaining, and then looked back at Kanda with mild confusion written across his pale face. "Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him yet today. Is he on a mission? Or is he still in bed? He should be down here, ready to help if he's needed…"

"Che. Of course he's not on a mission, you idiot," Kanda said, almost rolling his eyes at the clear stupidity of the boy's remark, "No one is on missions at the moment. We're all needed here, remember? In case the Earl comes along and tries to take back that huge egg that Komui has locked up." Allen's face lit up as he recalled being told that, and Kanda found it irresistibly cute. "Think before you speak next time."

"Yeah, yeah, _mother_," Allen said, looking back at the list in Jerry's hands and writing something on it with the pen he swiped from the table beside him, "No need to nag. Leave that job to Lenalee, she's better at it."

Kanda opened his mouth to protest at being likened to a parent, but shut it again as he decided to let it go; being called mother was better than some of the other insults that Allen had come up with before. And then there was also _Lenalee._ He hadn't seen her since that day a week ago. Although he hated admitting it to himself, Kanda felt a deep-rooted fear whenever he thought of telling the girl that he hadn't talked to Allen about what the two of them felt for each other; memories of a hard-edged clipboard came to the surface of his thoughts when he imagined delivering news that she did not want to hear.

"Hey, Kanda-kun," Jerry called cheerfully, putting a stop to the long-distance conflict, "Come over here and stop being so antisocial. I need to hear what kind of food you want at this fancy do!"

"What's the point?" The Japanese man asked, "You know what I'm going to say. Just put my usual on the list."

Jerry whined loudly, sending shivers up Kanda's spine, and began prancing over to where he stood. Allen watched with wide eyes, wondering how the man would react. "Come on Kanda-kun! Don't be dull! Surprise us all and come up with some kind of fascinating food for me to cook to your liking!" He stopped short in front of the exorcist's face, grin still intact. "Please?"

Kanda took a step backwards to get away from the overly-happy cook and glanced at Allen, a unintentional look of pleading in his eyes that said 'get this idiot away from me!' Allen simply smiled at him, his silver eyes almost closing because of it. He wasn't going to help him out.

"Che, fine. Just get away from me first."

--

"And, and, there'll be tons of food! And music! And dancing! Oooh, and also slow-dancing!"

"I think slow-dancing comes under the dancing category, Lavi, they aren't really classed as two separate things as far as I know…"

"Yeah but, it's _slow dancing_. It's like, as intimate as sex, really."

"I don't quite think it is, to be honest…"

"Please, don't spoil my misguided hopes. It's as close to the real thing as I can ever hope to get with Yuu-chan."

Somehow, Lavi had managed to persuade Miranda into dropping her party-preparation-duties and come up to the library and hide in there with him. No matter how much he was looking forward to the event, the redhead didn't want to get involved with getting everything set up. Miranda had attempted to explain that he would feel a great sense of accomplishment if he did his part, but he wouldn't listen. Instead, Lavi had taken to getting himself worked up and excited to the point where he could barely keep his voice at a acceptable level to stay in the near-silent library. Poor Miranda wasn't sure how their conversation had turned into almost-sex with Kanda, and wasn't all that comfortable with where Lavi was going with the point he had made.

"But Lavi," she said, lightly touching his right knee in an attempt to bring him back down to earth, "I don't think Kanda-san would appreciate it if you let him know that you think of slow-dancing like that. He'd probably never speak to you again, or worse, he'd start thinking like how you do and try it on Allen-kun."

The apprentice Bookman had told the German woman all about what had happened after he'd left her in the library a week ago, and now the both of them were under the false pretence of Allen and Kanda now being an item since neither of them had seen the 'new couple' since they had apparently gotten together. That was the real reason why Lavi was avoiding preparation duties – he didn't want to see them together before it became inevitable.

"You're right," Lavi said, trying to keep his positive spirit up and dispel all mental images of his two friends embracing on a colourfully-lit dance floor. "I won't let him know about it. But still, if he found out, can you imagine the face he would pull? I think it'd look something like this-" the redhead then proceeded to arrange his facial features to match the expression that the Japanese samurai would most definitely display – eyebrows furrowed together, the one uncovered eye wide and pupil slightly dilated from poorly-hidden shock, and mouth slightly open as if trying to form words of disgust. Miranda laughed hard at his impression, barely able to look at her friend.

"Oh, Lavi," she nearly wept, holding a hand to her mouth to try and cease the laughter, "that's so _good_! You look just like Kanda-san like that! It's so accurate!"

"Of course," Lavi said, grinning and letting his usual smile return quickly, "of course it is."

"You know him pretty well, don't you?" Miranda smiled, the waves of laughter still coming, but slowing down now that Lavi had stopped looking like Kanda.

"Yup, I even have a degree in Kanda-ism. It hangs on my wall in my room for all to see. I passed it easily, of course."

The female exorcist almost believed him when he said that – knowing Lavi, it was more likely than the usual person would think. "Have you now." She said, teasing, "I'd like to see it some time." Lavi smiled at her, showing his two rows of white teeth, unsure whether or not she was taking him seriously or not. He decided not to question her about it.

It was partially true. If there had been a qualification in how well someone could recognise the body language of Kanda and see through the front that he put on, then Lavi would score a perfect one hundred percent for sure. He spent most of his time thinking about Kanda, stalking Kanda, trying to talk to Kanda, accidentally-on-purpose having to shower with Kanda in the communal shower room… the list went on and on. Not being able to do any of those things for the last seven days was pure agony for the Bookman. No matter how he longed to at least catch a glimpse of the person he loved, Lavi would not allow himself to do so in case there was a certain white haired exorcist there with him.

The sensation of a warm index finger prodding him delicately in the cheek brought a halt to his stream of Kanda-orientated thoughts; Lavi's unfocused eye snapped awake and alert, settling on Miranda's calm features as he made himself think only of her. She was here, now, in need of his attention more than the man who clearly didn't want him to linger over him. He flashed her a bright grin before she withdrew her finger back to her lap.

"Welcome back," the woman smiled, running her fingers through her hair once, twice, before threading them together with the digits of her other hand. "Were you thinking of someone in particular, by an chance?"

Lavi smiled sheepishly at her, a faint blush creeping over his cheeks as he scolded himself for being found out so easily. Miranda just smiled warmly.

"It's ok if you were, you know. I don't mind. You love him; it would be strange to _not_ think about him regularly."

Lavi leaned back into the chair he was sitting on, blowing air up sharply through his lips and causing his red hair to flutter above his eyebrows. "Dammit, Miranda," he said, his eyes cast upwards, "Why couldn't we have fallen for each other? It's so unfair."

"Who? You and Kanda-san?" Miranda blinked expectantly at him.

"Nah, I mean you and me." He replied, looking at her now and winking cheekily. The German woman raised her eyebrows slightly in surprise. "We'd be so good together, don't you think? You're such a lovely person and all, and we get along really well, so… yeah… I can see you don't think it'd work."

Miranda was shaking her head slowly from side to side, her short ponytail brushing the sides of her neck softly. "I love you more than I ever thought possible, Lavi," she said gently, "But not in that way. And I know you don't see me like that too; you've said something like that before. Plus, you love Kanda-san, so it would be wrong to love someone else too. Love should be assigned to just one person at a time, I think." Lavi nodded his head in agreement, realising how stupid he'd been to say such a ridiculous thing to his friend.

"Yeah…" he said quietly, "forget I said anything, OK? Friends like us shouldn't be together. And you're right: I love Yuu-chan. I can't even consider being with someone else! Ahaha…"

Miranda nodded at him, and felt herself starting to become concerned with how much Lavi was bringing up this topic. How many times now had he made hints at wanting to get together with her? And how many times had they reached the agreement of it being unthinkable? It wouldn't work for a huge number of reasons and they both knew it, and yet he wouldn't drop the subject, despite being in love with someone else. No matter how much she tried to analyse his words and actions, she couldn't come to a clear conclusion due to so many of them conflicting and contradicting each other. It frustrated her a little bit.

"That's right," Miranda said and stood up, stretching her arms up behind her head, wrinkling her nose as she strained the muscles in her arms and released the stiffness that had built up in them, "You love Kanda-san. And right now, I think that the best thing you could do is go and _find him_. For all we know, we could be wrong – he might not be with Allen-kun. But because he admitted to you that he likes him, that complicates things quite a lot…"

"Yeah," Lavi said, reaching out to her with his right hand, his action clearly showing that he wanted her to pull him to his feet, "It complicates things way too much for my liking. If they're together then that's a huge problem for me, since I told him that if he got with Allen then I'd do nothing to break them up." Miranda gaped at him briefly at how maturely he'd handled the situation, and Lavi wiggled his fingers at her expectantly, silently demanding her to help him up. "But if they _aren't _together, then there's nothing to stop me from getting some dancing action tonight. Right?"

"Right," Miranda said, taking hold of her friend's outstretched hand and hoisting him up into a standing position beside herself, "Aside from the fact that he doesn't like you in the way you like him." It was better to be realistic at times like this rather than feeding him false hope.

"Ah," Lavi sighed, a somewhat happy and knowing smile on his face, "but Yuu-chan is a pushover. No really, he is!" Miranda had raised her eyebrows at that comment. "If I kick up a big enough fuss and embarrass him enough, then he'll give in and dance with me, no matter how much he doesn't wanna. Isn't he cute?"

'Cute' wasn't exactly the word Miranda would have used to describe the easily-angered exorcist, but she still smiled and nodded regardless. "Come on then," she said, taking hold of the Bookman's arm and giving it a tug by the elbow, "we've skived off enough for one day. Let's go and help everyone get everything ready before we get changed. There's only 5 hours left until it kicks off!"

Lavi chuckled as she led him to the stairs, thinking about how long it took women to get ready and make themselves pretty for special occasions. "You've changed, Miranda," he said affectionately, "And I think it suits you well."

She looked at him expectantly, wanting to know what he meant by 'you've changed', but she never found out. Lavi descended the stairs before she did and vanished out of sight before she could even open her mouth.

--

This was it, this was his chance, and he was going to do it. Damn it, he'd do it no matter what! He couldn't let it slip by; this was the first time in a week he'd been this close to him, and he wasn't going to put it to waste. He wasn't going to back down and give up, he wasn't going to run off blushing and ask Lenalee instead. He was going to ask Kanda.

It had been so sudden and unprompted that Allen wasn't even sure if he fully believed in what he'd been told; when Jerry had somehow, miraculously, made Kanda go and move some tables to the sides of the room so that a dance floor could be created, the cook had grabbed the white haired exorcist by the shoulders roughly and told him, very seriously, that every single exorcist needed a _date_ for this Welcome Home celebration, and that it had to be with another exorcist – no Finder x Exorcist couples were allowed, not that that mattered to Allen, since he didn't know any of the Finders well enough to ask them to accompany him to the party.

The first person who'd sprung to mind had been Lenalee, which surprised him slightly, but he'd soon reasoned that she was his closest female friend and that a date consisted of two people, one male and one female. But then the Chinese girl was banished from his thoughts as he wondered if going with a feminine man could suffice instead.

He would do it. He would do it now. Allen was going to ask Kanda Yuu to be his date to the celebration.

No matter how rude he'd been lately, or how bitchy he was, or how mean he acted, Allen still liked him just as much as he'd told Lenalee. The guy was like a magnet, and Allen was a paperclip; he was constantly drawn to him, no matter how much he tried (or didn't try, in Allen's case) to refuse and get away. So this was it; he was going to ask him. Right. Now.

His legs shaking violently and the butterflies in his stomach flitting around so much that he was convinced they'd actually come flying out of his mouth if he opened it, the white haired boy stumbled over to where Kanda was still grumpily stacking tables, moaning to himself about doing pointless manual labour when Jerry was just as capable as he was to do such a menial task. The Japanese man didn't hear Allen the first time he said his name, but looked round at him when he was forced to repeat it.

"What do you want, Moyashi?" He asked, panting a little and leaning against the heavy table that he was supposed to be lifting up onto another to get it out of the way. "You here to help me with this? I think the tables are too heavy for someone like you, to be honest."

"BaKanda," Allen huffed, closing his eyes to the sight of a tired out Kanda and wishing he could stuff something into his ears so that he wouldn't be able to hear his friend breathing heavily in that seductive way, "Of course I'd be able to lift one of them. I'm pretty strong, you know."

"Oh yeah?" Kanda said, exhaling heavily and attempting to control his breathing, "Those things are damn difficult to move. I reckon each one of them weighs more than you do, or around the same. Try shifting more than twenty of them and then see how tired you are."

Allen's silvery eyes opened again so soon after closing, deciding that yes, he did want to see Kanda like that. He always wanted to see him, no matter how he looked or what he was doing. "That's the most you've said to me in a long time, Kanda," he said, the warmth in his heart coming through into his voice, "It's kinda… nice."

Kanda raised an eyebrow, also thinking about how much he enjoyed talking to the Sprout but refusing to show it. "Che. I'm talking to you about moving tables. It's not that fantastic."

'_Yes, it is. Every time I speak to you it's like someone's set fire to my soul – I can't calm down.'_

"Yeah, but it's still something," Allen replied, not wanting to fall into an argument so soon into the conversation. He had a reason to talk to Kanda now, and he wasn't going to use it up by fighting over tables and who was stronger. "I'm not here to help you with the tables, sorry. But I can give you a hand if you need it."

Kanda 'che'd at him and turned back to dragging the table closer to the wall, ready to stack on another. "If you're not here to help, then kindly go away. If I drive a table into you because you're in the way, then I'll get the blame and Komui will have a fit because he'll think it was deliberate. So get lost, Moyashi."

Kanda had to bite the inside of his mouth as punishment for saying the complete opposite of what he really wanted to say _again_. He didn't ease the grip on the soft flesh until he could taste the tangy flavour of his own blood on his tongue.

Allen knew what he was doing – he could see it clear as day even though Kanda was no longer facing him properly - but had no idea why. "Kanda!" He protested, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him round to face him, "What're you doing? Don't bite your mouth, you idiot, it'll hurt! Here, open it for me, I'll take a look and see how bad it is."

"I don't need you to look, Moyashi," he said thickly, the blood flow increasing a little as he spoke, "this is nothing, and self-inflicted. It's punishment."

Allen's eyes widened. "Punishment? What've you done wrong to deserve self-punishment?" He paused momentarily. "Are you a masochist, Kanda?"

Kanda suppressed a laugh poorly, but masked it well by faking a hiccup. "No, Baka Moyashi, I'm not. This is necessary to… che, never mind. It's none of your business." His cold blue eyes met Allen's shining silver ones and he looked into them deeply, wondering if he could kiss the boy now and get away with it. He decided that it was highly unlikely, and did not act upon his thought. "You said you weren't here to help me. Was there actually a reason at all, or are you just bored and can't find Lavi to play with you?"

Allen's eyebrows met together as he frowned at the taller exorcist; he didn't _play_ with Lavi, for God's sake. He merely had very interesting and extremely funny conversations with the guy, and occasionally chased Timcanpy with him.

"No," he said, slightly irritated, "that's not it. I was going to ask you something, but I don't think I'll bother now, not if you're going to be so… Kanda-like."

Kanda snorted, almost laughing again, and licked the inside of his cheek to try and cease the blood that was still leaking out of the wound. He didn't want Allen to leave so soon after arriving at his own free will. Wasn't the boy meant to like him? If he did, then why was he acting like this?

"Wait, Moyashi," Kanda said, surprising himself by how he was acting, "What were you going to ask? If there's something else that needs to be done then forget it; it's Lavi's turn to do some work here."

Allen grinned evilly, making the Japanese man feel slightly uncomfortable in his presence; his reverse psychology had worked on Kanda, for once. The cursed boy was a little shocked that it had actually proven effective.

"Well, if you want to know _so_ badly…" he teased, tilting his head down a fraction and looking up at Kanda through his bangs as they fell into his eyes.

"Che, I don't want to know that badly," the samurai said, fighting the urge to pull Allen into his body and molest him for looking so damn adorable and gorgeous. "Don't tell if you don't want to."

"But I do want to," Allen said in the same tone of voice as before – almost whining and pleading: rather childish, Kanda thought.

"Go on then. I don't have all day; these tables won't move themselves." _'That'd be so cool if they could,' _Kanda thought, imagining the tables walking over to the walls and settling there without him having to even budge an inch. He felt lazy today, for the first time ever. Maybe it was because he wasn't overly keen on doing something for Jerry.

Allen's cheeks suddenly flushed a pretty shade of pink as he realised that he was seconds away from asking Kanda out. Even though it was only to a gathering arranged by The Order and they would be around other people all night, it was still a _date_ in Allen's mind – that was how Jerry had put it, and that's how it remained in the teenager's brain. _A date with Kanda_. He opened and closed his mouth several times before any sound emerged from his throat, the whining tone completely gone now.

"I… me-with… um… aha… Kanda, do you - no, wait, I mean…. Um… dance? Party, with the floor, and… yeah…" he stuttered, unable to make a full sentence that was even vaguely English.

Kanda couldn't fight it any longer; Allen was too much for the very tiny portion of him that reacted to anything funny today. His lips broke into a smile and he laughed quietly, eyebrows raised at the boy in amusement and disbelief. "What?" he said, unable to wipe the foreign facial expression off his features no matter how much he wanted to, "You want to party with the floor? You're strange, Moyashi. Did you eat something funny this morning?"

"No!" Allen protested, angry with himself for gabbling like an idiot, "I don't want to party with the floor! What the heck? That doesn't even make sense…"

"Che, you're the one who said it, Baka."

"Yeah, well you laughed at it, BaKanda."

Both exorcists stood in silence, staring at each other, unsure on how to act now; they'd both made fools of themselves in front of each other in some way, and felt equally ridiculous. The sounds of Jerry singing merrily to himself as he cooked in the kitchen reached their ears as they stood in silence.

"Anyway…" Kanda said quietly, coughing into his hand and glaring at Allen in an attempt to get back into his usual character, "You want to try saying that again? Without any of the stuttering, preferably – I'd like to understand what you're trying to say this time, if that's not too difficult."

Allen scowled at Kanda and unfortunately noticed that the top that he was wearing was skin-tight and sleeveless, showing off all of the deliciously tight muscles that were usually well hidden from view. _'Oh, great,'_ he thought with a small sigh, _'now I'm going to have to ask him while drooling over his gorgeous body…fantastic. Bloody brilliant.'_

Kanda inclined his head to the left ever so slightly, not realising that in doing so the slight muscle in his neck became more defined than usual, and Allen found it harder to concentrate. "What now?" He asked, "You look like you're in pain, Moyashi."

"I'm fine!" Allen said, his voice sounding tense as he tried to focus only on the man's eyes and not his rapeable body. "I just got… sidetracked momentarily." He gripped his cursed black hand in his normal one, not paying attention to the sweat that had formed in his palm. "OK, I'll just say it, Kanda. Jerry told me just now that everyone has to go with someone else – a date, and-"

"Hang on," Kanda interrupted suddenly, resulting in Allen stopping in mid sentence with his mouth hanging open like a drugged person, "This is the first I've heard of this. Where did Jerry hear it from? Or has he just made it up himself?"

Allen's slack jaw slammed back up and came into contact with it's counterpart with a loud _clack_ of his teeth hitting each other as he realised the obvious: _Jerry had made it up on the spot._ How dare he! He had no right to say anything like that! Allen relaxed slightly regardless of his indignant thoughts; now, he didn't have to ask Kanda to accompany him, but instead he would go and have some angry words with the currently singing cook. It was all going to be OK – he didn't need to panic anymore. He could just attend the party and confess to Kanda there when he forced him to dance with him – that had been his initial plan for several days now.

But, wait.

Allen looked at the Japanese man who was waiting for him to give his reply, a frown on his slightly feminine features. The white haired exorcist felt his heart squeeze as if a fist had grabbed it; he _did_ want to go with Kanda – he wanted to have a date with the man, no matter how un-date like it really was. He wanted an excuse to be with him for as long as possible that evening.

"Jerry heard it from Komui," Allen said at last, fabricating the lie so well that he knew there was no way for Kanda to see through it, "Komui told Jerry to pass the message along because he knew that Jerry's more likely to see all of us before he does."

Kanda nodded, looking in the direction of the kitchen slightly suspiciously. "Sounds believable," he said, "But stupid. Why do we need dates? How annoying."

But that wasn't want the samurai was thinking at all. Inside, he was screaming with a kind of joy he didn't know he had within him; he wanted to run around in circles cheering, because in that second he'd figured out what Allen's question was. He wasn't dense – he now knew that the silver eyed boy was shy and nervous to ask him, _him_, to be his date. And if he actually did manage to pop the question before they both keeled over and died from old age, then the answer would be a _fuck yes please._

"Yeah, annoying," Allen laughed lightly, his voice slightly higher pitched than usual, "It sure is… haha…"

They stood in silence, neither looking at the other and both finding their feet immensely interesting all of a sudden.

"So… you asked Lenalee yet?" Kanda said, going for the casual approach when he realised that Allen had rendered himself unable to speak.

The boy shook his head quickly and looked back up at Kanda, his eyes round and wide. "No!" he exclaimed, "No, I haven't. I don't want to go with Lenalee! I mean, no wait… it's not that I don't _want_ to go with Lenalee, it's just that… there's someone else that I'd rather go with…"

'_Lenalee was so right,'_ Kanda thought to himself as he chanced a glance up at Allen's blushing face, _'the Moyashi honestly likes me.'_

Quietly, so quiet that Allen had to strain his ears to catch the softly spoken words, Kanda said, "Who is it that you want to go with, then?"

'_It's now or never,' _Allen told himself, feeling the heat in his cheeks rising considerably as he wet his slips to answer the samurai, _'do it!'_

"Kanda," he said firmly, looking at his friend straight in the face, and then in the eyes when the man looked up at him properly, "I want to go with you. Will you please do me the honour of accompanying me tonight?" The last sentence was rather rushed, but Kanda heard it all the same. The man's blush then grew to match that of Allen's.

"Che," he said, looking away. "Do I have a choice? It's not like I have anyone else to go with. Don't want to go with the Baka-Usagi, that's for sure. And Lenalee will get the wrong idea if I ask her… and Miranda will cry if she gets something wrong. So… sure."

Allen's smile grew so huge that it threatened to swallow up his entire face. His eyes grew wide too, and he threw himself at the unsuspecting exorcist, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, Kanda!" He squealed, wanting nothing more than to meet the lips that were dangerously close to his, "Thank you so much! This is going to be great!" He pushed himself up onto his toes and kissed Kanda's forehead clumsily, blushing brighter than the sun shone on a summer's day. "I'm gonna go tell Lenalee! See you when it starts!" He backed away hurriedly, turned around and ran out of the cafeteria, shouting "I'll come and get you later, OK?"

Kanda stood in shock, mouth hanging open, right hand reaching out in front of his body slightly as if trying to take hold of the younger exorcist who was no longer in the room. That had been so… _rushed_. "See you, then, Moyashi." He whispered, too shocked to cheer or scream or react in any way possible. Today was going too perfectly.

"Smooth," came a voice from beside him, making the Japanese man jump violently and spin round on the spot to see who had evilly snuck up on him without him noticing, "He really handled that well, didn't he?"

There, standing next to him, was none other than Lavi, the person who had avoided him for the last week. Kanda mouthed something, but no sound came out. "You're a bit out of character today, Yuu-chan," Lavi smiled, laying a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Normally, you would have shouted at me or hit me for sneaking up on you by now. Does Allen really have that much of an affect on you? Having a boyfriend must be nice…" the redhead deliberately added the 'boyfriend' bit as a test to see whether they really were together – if they were, he planned to take a huge pile of food up to his room that night and eat through it while ignoring the celebration. If they weren't… well, he wasn't entirely sure how he would behave tonight. It was more exciting that way.

"_Boyfriend?!_" Kanda almost shouted, wondering how Lavi had reached that conclusion, "The fucking Moyashi doesn't have a clue that I like him yet, so how could he possibly be my boyfriend? Baka-Usagi."

"Eh?" Lavi said, his mood rising heavenwards like steam from a kettle, "But last week, you were on your way to tell him how you felt-"

"I didn't do it." Kanda said shortly, folding his arms and not looking at the Bookman, who was now smiling, his eye glinting happily. "I couldn't. I lost my nerve after being assaulted by _you_."

Lavi nodded. "I see…" he said knowingly. "Well, like I said, if you two get together then I won't interfere. But until then, I can get away with this."

He placed a quick kiss on Kanda's lips but stepped away quickly, knowing full well that it was possible for him to be hit around now, but the punch never came. Kanda merely glowered at him, his bangs partially covering his dark eyes.

"Do that tonight in front of Allen, and I'll kill you." He said plainly, not redirecting his gaze even when Lavi drew close again. "I mean it. Stay away."

"Aww, you're no fun," Lavi said miserably, brushing the hair away from his love's eyes with long fingers and resenting the way Kanda had used the white haired boy's real name for once, "That just makes everything boring."

"Make yourself useful," Kanda said shortly, moving away from Lavi and striding towards the doorway, "and tell everyone that they need to attend with a date. Komui was meant to pass on the message but it seems like he hasn't." There was no way he'd be the only one turning up with a date that evening; that would make it _so_ obvious that the two of them liked each other.

"Can I go with you, Yuu-chan?" The redhead asked hopefully to the man's retreating back.

"No. I'm taken."

Lavi scuffed the toe of his boot along the sparkling clean floor in annoyance, pissed off because Allen had beaten him to it. Still, there was always Miranda he could go with…

--

**That wasn't too bad... was it? ;A; next chapter will have the actual party; I'm sorry it's taking so long to get there! Dx I'm having so much fun writing this fic again :3 I REALLY want to get Lavi and Miranda together, but then if I do then it'll no longer be a love triangle, which is the whole point of the story... we'll see how it goes, ne? ;D Review pretty please (if you want) :3!**


	10. Discovery, loss, and gain

**Triangle Chapter 10**

**YES! I'm back after neglecting my poor fanfic for over a week T T forgive me for not updating sooner! I've had major writer's block, and also rl problems ;A; but now I'm back with my longest chapter yet - just over 7500 words! Yey! I really really REALLY hope you all like this chappie! :3 Yullen fans will hopefully/ love this one, and the LaviYuu fans should hopefully enjoy it too if they don't mind a bit o' Yullen :3 and... is that plot development that I see!? :O why yes, it is XD guys, remember that no matter how this fic ends, I love Kanda more than imaginable ;A; and to those of you who said they thought that this won't end happily, I can tell you now that it won't. Gaah Dx I don't want to write a sad ending! But I will, so... ;3; Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own -man. If I did, then Allen would have been bishie right from the beginning.**

**--**

Kanda pounded heavily towards his room, cursing silently as he thought about the exchange he'd just made with the redhead; his footsteps echoed loudly around him and seemed to vibrate within his busily working mind, putting him off a little and making him consider taking off the boots he was wearing to quieten his movements. Whenever he was near to or talking to Lavi, he couldn't talk properly or even half-way civilly to his friend and that irritated him beyond comprehension. As far as he was aware, he didn't feel anything other than a slight sense of wariness towards the marginally younger man, so his unexplained actions continued to float around his conscious thoughts in an annoying fashion until he put them to rest and decided to deal with them later: now was not the time to be questioning his feelings towards the apprentice Bookman when he was about to get ready to meet Allen Walker. Just the thought of seeing the boy's smiling face was enough to make a light dusting of a shy blush creep onto Kanda's usually stoic features.

The Japanese exorcist reached his destination at last and entered the room quietly, too lost in his thoughts to notice the person sitting silently on his bed and tracing their fingers over the thin glass of the sand timer that held the samurai's precious lotus flower within. Kanda nearly had a heart attack when he noticed his companion.

"Fuck's sake, Lenalee," he said, holding a hand to where his cursed seal was on the left side of his chest in an attempt to calm down his now racing heart, "what you trying to do? Frighten the life out of me or something?"

Lenalee raised an eyebrow as if to say 'don't be so bloody stupid'. Kanda barely had time to register what she was wearing – a dark blue dress with no sleeves that flared outwards from her waist and ended just above her knees, complimented by the black satin ribbon that was tied around her middle and the dark green star clip that she wore in her hair – before she started speaking in a tone that showed she was not pleased in the slightest. "I was waiting for you, Kanda," she said, "so that I could ask you what went wrong last week."

Kanda's cold gaze did not falter; he had been expecting this conversation for a while now and had done everything he could to prolong the lead up to it. But running away from Lenalee forever wasn't possible. "I didn't do it," he sad flatly, running a hand through his already messy bangs, "I couldn't. But before you protest," he added quickly when he saw that the Chinese girl was about to interject, "You should know that we're going together to your brother's damn thing tonight. Bean Sprout asked me a few minutes ago and I said yes. Does that make you happy?"

Lenalee's eyes grew wide and he smile matched too. She nodded enthusiastically but stopped in fear of causing her hair clip to fall out, so took to beaming at Kanda instead. "That's a good start," she said, no traces of her previous menacing aura left now, "But does he know you like him?"

"Che, no." Kanda said, his upper lip forming a snarl, "He doesn't. And I think it's best if it stays that way."

"What?!" Lenalee cried, nearly dropping the sand timer from her lap as she did, "You can't! You have to tell him, Kanda; don't be so stupid!"

Kanda raised an eyebrow at her and his eyes narrowed very slightly, "I'm not being stupid."

"Clearly, you are."

"Che. Clearly, I'm not. Baka."

"But Allen-kun likes you, Kanda, and you like him! Where's the problem? There's not going to be any rejection from him, if that's what's worrying you."

"I'm not worried about that."

"Then why?"

Kanda went silent at this question, and was rendered unable to look at her any longer. How was he going to explain it to her without sounding completely gay? There was no way to and he knew it. He couldn't tell Lenalee that, no matter how much he adored, worshipped and loved Allen, there was always something there at the back of his mind, telling him to think about Lavi. Telling him to accept the redhead's kisses and touches and return them tenfold. Kanda didn't want to think about it, and constantly waved off his annoying feelings as just something that was affecting him because he didn't know how to react to his best friend.

The female exorcist, growing impatient while waiting for a reply from Kanda, sighed at him and turned her attention to the flower in the glass she was holding while admiring its beauty. It puzzled her slightly as to why someone like Kanda Yuu would have something so delicate and beautiful in his dark and uninviting room.

"Kanda?"

"What?"

"This flower," she held up the glass so he could see what she was talking about, and was shocked to see the samurai's mouth open in horror at seeing her handle the item, "you should get a new one really. This one's wilting quite a bit."

'_Why is she pissing around with that? Why? And why does she think it's wilting too much? Only three petals have fallen; it's not that much.'_

Lenalee inclined her head to the right a little, looking concerned. "Kanda? Are you ok? I'll put it down if you want me to."

"How many have fallen?"

The girl flinched slightly from the harshness in the man's voice when he asked the strange question. She wasn't entirely sure what Kanda was referring to, but guessed that he was talking about the flower's petals. She hastily counted the small pile on the floor of the glass container. "Six. There are six that have fallen off. That's quite a few, don't you think? Like I said, you should get a new one." She was unable to read her friend's expression after she parted with the seemingly insignificant information; Kanda's face was a terrible mix of terror, anguish, fury and depression. Lenalee couldn't figure out why, and didn't dare venture to ask why he was directing such a look at the small flower. "Why? Is this… important to you, at all?"

"Che. You could say that." The Japanese man felt beads of cold sweat begin to form in the palms of his hands as he comprehended what Lenalee's discovery meant to him. He was closer to death than he had been that morning, and he had no idea why or how that had happened. A wave of irrepressible fear swept over him as he closed his eyes, wishing that Lenalee was gone, that he could be left alone in his room to brood over the news and remain like that until someone, preferably Allen, found him and made everything alright again. It was a weak way out and a sad way to deal with such a thing, but at that moment Kanda really didn't care at all. "I'd like you to leave now, Lenalee. I'll sort things out with Allen like you want, I'll go to the celebration with Allen like he wants, and I'll let Lavi molest me like he wants. Then everyone will be happy."

Lenalee stared at Kanda, not understanding where this misery had come from all of a sudden, and also marvelling at the use of Allen's real name. "You'll let Lavi do what?"

Kanda opened his door roughly. "Please leave, Lenalee," he said to the floor, ignoring her question. "Go and be somewhere else that's not here."

Lenalee obliged hurriedly, making a mental note to observe the Japanese exorcist for the whole of that night.

--

"Tada! What do you think? Like it?" Miranda waved the long, glittering deep purple dress in Lavi's face, looking visibly flushed and excited, but also a little apprehensive as she imagined the worst outcome her friend could come up with. The German woman had picked out the beautiful dress from the few formal garments that she held in her possession just that morning, and had been eager to show it off to her newly stated best friend for hours. "Oh no," she said quietly, her cheerful face crumpling suddenly, "you don't like it, do you? It's an awful choice – I knew it. I'll just put it back now and go to bed-"

"Whoa, wait a minute, Miranda!" Lavi nearly laughed, waving his hands rather frantically as Miranda clumsily folded up the dress and tried to ram it back into a drawer that clearly was not made for storing clothes, "I haven't even said anything yet! Give me a chance to react before you presume the worst!"

"But, but," Miranda sniffed, tears forming in her eyes as she began to feel foolish for acting so happy before, "I know what you're going to say."

"Enlighten me then."

"You're going to say that it's a bad colour and that the length is ridiculous when compared to my figure, and that I shouldn't bother trying to make myself look anywhere near nice for such an occasion, and that…"

The exorcist was unable to finish her paragraph of depression as Lavi actually burst out laughing then. She frowned deeply at him, gripping the dress tighter and feeling stupid. She knew she'd been right.

"Miranda," Lavi said, the laughter subsiding slowly, laying a hand on her shoulder for support as he leaned forward slightly to try and hold back more laughs, "you crack me up sometimes. As if I'd ever say that about you! I thought you were over your self-cynicism, but it still seems to be there somewhat, doesn't it?" Miranda nodded her head a little. "Don't be so down on yourself, woman. You've been doing really well lately, so don't put all that to waste. OK?"

"I know that you're right," Miranda sniffled as Lavi stood up straight again and looked at her intently through his one good eye, "But when I asked you what you thought, I suddenly got this image of you telling me to stop living in a dream and to… I don't know…"

"Give up on yourself?"

Miranda visibly flinched. "Yeah…"

The redhead shook his head slowly, pitying the woman but also wishing that she'd just learn to love herself and forgive herself a little. She needed a holiday from her thoughts, but that was, of course, impossible. "Don't be an Allen," he said softly, taking the dress out of his friend's hands and holding it up by the shoulders so as to get a better look at it, "turn yourself into a Lenalee. Then you'll be so much happier with yourself." Miranda blinked at him, a tear in her right eye breaking free and voyaging down her cheek.

"Allen? Lenalee?" She said slowly, trying to make sense of Lavi's references, "How am I like Allen-kun and Lenalee-chan?"

Lavi chuckled at her comment and handed the dress back to her. "Allen is always self-doubting, even if he doesn't show it. And Lenalee is much more assertive and self-believing. But whatever you do," he said very seriously now, pulling his eyebrows down into a heavy frown, "Don't _ever_ turn into a Yuu-chan. Then you'll end up _dead inside_."

It was Miranda's turn to laugh this time; picturing herself as Kanda, scowling all the time and never saying more than 'che' or 'Moyashi', she couldn't help but let the giggles ensue. The apprentice Bookman smiled calmly at her, also trying to mentally conjure up the same image.

"Oh, Lavi," she said, wiping away the tear that had fallen, "You always know exactly what to say to cheer me up. Me as Kanda-san! Maybe if Komui one day decides for us to have a fancy-dress parade, then I'll go as him. How would that be?"

"Yuu-chan would kill me for putting the idea into your mind," Lavi said with a wink. His expression was an unexpected one, as it was warm, gentle, and caring – Miranda had expected him to be grinning from ear to ear, or to be misty-eyed just from mentioning the Japanese man. "Come here, Miranda. I want to hug you." He reached out to her and took hold of her shoulders, gently pulling her into his body before firmly wrapping his arms around her and sighing softly into her wavy tied-back hair. It was a couple of seconds before the woman curiously placed her arms around Lavi's middle, letting them come to rest on one another on the small of his back. "You need to know that you're a better person than you think you are, Miranda. I hate to see you being so self-defeating all the time when you're such an exceptional person."

"Lavi…" Miranda started, but was interrupted immediately.

"Shush. Let me say my bit." His breath made a couple of loose strands of hair billow lightly on the breeze. "Let me say it now, while I think of it. While I have the right words in my head." The German woman obliged, closing her eyes and letting her chin rest on Lavi's shoulder. "You are incredible, Miranda Lotto, absolutely magnificent. Anyone who says you're otherwise seriously needs to have their brains checked over for signs of mental diseases. You've saved all of our lives many, many times, and I don't think we thank you enough for it. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be standing here, hugging you and telling you this. Isn't that enough to make you love yourself a little more?"

"I guess." Miranda breathed, conscious that she still had the evening dress in her hands and was now allowing it to drape down the back of Lavi and spill onto the floor behind him. "Are you trying to make me cry, Mr. Bookman junior? Because you're doing a fine job right now."

"But, I haven't said that much yet," Lavi said, clearly confused, pulling away from his friend for long enough to look at her in a way that got across his internal wondering. Miranda smiled at him as their eyes met. "I haven't even said half of the things that I was thinking of."

"You don't need to," the German woman said, "Because whatever you're thinking, you always manage to get it out on so few words. That's one thing that I admire in you."

"Yeah, but still," Lavi said, struggling to retain the moment they were sharing, "I want to tell you so many things that I think of you, Miranda." The woman silenced him by laying an index finger on his lips and going 'shush'.

"Lavi," she said quietly, a small smile on her lips, "Tell me everything later on. Because right now, I need to get ready, and so do you. If you're going to spill everything to me and tell me how you see me, then I think that it should be a two-way thing; there's things that I want to tell you as well, but not right now. Lets think them over in our minds for a while first, in case everything comes out wrong. How does that sound?"

Lavi seemed to want to protest against her wishes, but then decided that she was right in what she'd said. He hugged her tightly again, but only briefly this time, before taking a step away from her and looking her up and down. "Sounds fine to me, if that's what you want," he said, trying to sound casual while thinking of what she could possibly want to tell him, "whenever you feel like talking, I'll be available. Well, unless of course Yuu-chan changes his mind and decides that tonight he'd rather be with me than Allen. But the likeliness of that ever happening is like, zero. Ahaha…"

"Thanks, Lavi," Miranda smiled. Lavi grinned back at her; he had not been about to tell the woman that he was in love with her or that he wanted to be with her in the way that he wanted to be with Kanda – he had wanted to let her know just how important she was to him as a friend, not as a love interest. Before becoming closer to her, Lavi had never believed that he could ever look at a girl who he felt so strongly for without seeing her in _that_ way. But now, it seemed, it was more than just possible. "Would you mind turning around while I put on my dress?"

"Eh?" The request caught the redhead off guard. "you want me to turn around?"

"That's right."

"While you get changed?"

"Yep, while I get changed."

"Wouldn't it be better if I left the room altogether?"

"Hmm… no, I don't think that's really necessary. Turning around is fine."

"Aren't you worried that I might peak at you?"

Miranda smiled at him again, but this time it had a hint of evil intent in it. "If you were to do that, then I'm afraid I'd have to ask Kanda-san to cut you to pieces."

"Ah." Lavi said, amazed at the bluntness in her remark, "point taken. I'll behave myself then."

Just as he was asked, Lavi turned around so that he was no longer facing his female friend, and began to let his mind drift as he heard the sounds of faint rustling and then Miranda's top landing on the floor ungraciously. Surprisingly, the apprentice Bookman wasn't even tempted to turn around and get an eyeful of the woman's bare skin, and the thought of being maimed beyond recognition by Kanda wasn't the reason behind it. He felt no desire, no need, to look at the German woman as she became more and more naked behind his turned back. He had to suppress a chuckle as he heard her squeak a little when she nearly tripped over the clothes on the floor, and also had to force himself not to turn around and help her if she fell, which she nearly did.

"You OK, Miranda?" he asked, wanting to make sure she was alright without seeing her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, very slightly breathless, "I just got my foot caught in my dress as I tried to put it on. Don't worry."

"Alright."

"Actually Lavi, can you help me out?" Miranda asked. Apparently, she was struggling with something, as far as Lavi could tell.

"Yeah sure, but that means I'll have to turn around and see you."

"It's ok if you turn round now. I just need you to do up the zip at the back; I can't quite get it."

Complying, the redhead turned back round to face Miranda and took the back of the dress in his hands, and in one single movement he had the zip up to the top of as far as it could go. "There we go," he said, patting Miranda's shoulder lightly, "That wasn't too bad. Now, can I look at you from the front?"

Miranda blushed furiously, but Lavi couldn't see that. She didn't want him to see her, not wearing this dress! The woman felt embarrassment as she imagined trying to show off the fantastically beautiful dress to her best friend. She knew she looked awful. "I don't know, actually," she said quietly, "I look so ridiculous. Can you leave now? I'll take this off and then go to bed early, I think."

Lavi looked at her back, his eye wide. She never ceased to amaze him. "But, you do realize that you probably won't be able to take off the dress on your own, don't you? If you couldn't do it up then chances are you won't be able to undo it. So you'll be stuck in it until someone undoes it for you, and in doing that they'll have to see you." Miranda sighed, all the fight leaving her. She couldn't win against Lavi in a battle of reason. "here, let me look at you." Lavi took a hold of her arms and gently made to turn her around to face him.

"No!" she cried, trying to pull away from him, "don't look! I look terrible! Lavi, let go! Please!" As she turned, the pink ribbon that was holding her hair out of her face came loose and fluttered down to the floor, allowing her short brown hair to fall around her face as it wanted to. Now, facing her friend, she looked completely defeated. "See?" she said in a small voice, "it looks horrendous."

Lavi shook his head, unable to look away. "You look so… beautiful." Was all he could utter, because she truly did.

--

"Two hours and counting!" Allen squealed at his mirror as he gave his hair a quick brush with the comb he'd stolen from Kanda when he'd left it unguarded in the shower room, "two hours left until I go and get Kanda!" in the time since he'd left his date in the cafeteria, Allen had gotten changed three times (as he couldn't decide which shirt looked best) and had also contemplated going to Kanda's room early and telling him that they had to get ready together, just as an accuse to be closer to the man for longer. "He said yes! Kanda Yuu said y-e-s!!" He sang as he hid away the comb and grinned at his reflection, "I'm going with Kanda!" He couldn't get over it – it just didn't seem real. Repeating the man's name over and over was the only way Allen could remind himself why he was so excited.

"Well done."

Allen froze, the smile on his face still intact, but his eyes suddenly portraying a look similar to death. The Fourteenth was there, standing behind him and smiling that wide, empty grin. The white haired boy stared back at the Noah, hating it with a burning force.

"Thanks." He said coldly, standing up straight and brushing a few stray strands of snow coloured hair out of his eyes in a way that showed he was not intimidated, despite what he was feeling. "I think I've done well."

The Fourteenth grinned still, the wide blank eyes clearly focusing on Allen even though they contained no pupils; the site chilled Allen to the core. "He's bad news, that man that you called Kanda. You shouldn't get too involved with him."

Allen narrowed his eyes at the reflection standing beside him and folded his arms, "Oh yeah? Well, thanks for your opinion, but I don't want it."

"You haven't heard the reason behind my statement, so you can't judge whether you want my opinion or not."

"I don't want to hear anything that you have to say, thanks."

"Even if what I had to say was to do with your happiness and welfare?"

The cursed boy unconsciously bared his teeth a little, wanting nothing more than to be separate from this Noah. What did it care if he was happy or not? It had no right to decide things for him, or to offer thoughts on people that he loved. "Even if that were so, Kanda can't possibly ever make me unhappy."

"Is that so." The Fourteenth said blankly.

Allen nodded, anger written all over his face; it was difficult to believe that he'd been so ecstatic just seconds earlier. "That's so. Even if I tell him that I like him and I get rejected, then to me, that is still happiness."

"Why is that?"

Allen snorted in irritation and disbelief. "Like you care."

"I do."

"Even if you do, then there's still no point telling you why." He paused for a second, waiting for the blunt comeback, but it never came. He continued, "I don't want to talk to you anymore than I already have. Leave me alone; I want some time alone."

The Noah watched him walk away and sit on his bed heavily, blowing air upwards through his lips in an annoyed fashion. The Fourteenth wasn't quite ready to stop the short conversation yet, though. "It is still happiness to you because you are still able to watch him from afar." Allen shot him a look of disgust. "I'm correct. It's showing on your face."

"I'm seriously tempted to 'che' at you right now…" the boy growled at the reflection from the other side of the room. If it'd known all along why Allen would be ok with rejection, why had it tried to get him to say it for himself? _'That damn Noah is too annoying for it's own good,'_ Allen thought angrily to himself. "But yes, you're right. Now go away."

"That man cannot make you happy, Allen Walker," The Fourteenth said slowly, lipless smile still present on his face, "because he won't be around for as long as you expect him to be."

Allen raised an eyebrow as his heart rate quickened tremendously: was the Noah telling the truth? "Whatever you say, I'm not going to believe it. Why would I listen to what a Noah has to say?"

"Because it's true."

"Get the hell out of here."

"He is outside."

Allen blinked in surprise at the words. "What?"

The Fourteenth shifted it's blank gaze onto Allen's door and said, "the subject of our conversation is on the other side of that door. I advise you let him in here."

Allen considered arguing for a second, but finally got off his bed, shot the Noah a piercing look of hate from the corner of his eye, and opened his door with a smile. "Hey there, Kanda!" he said brightly, practically shining like a candle, "What're you doing here so early? I was going to come and get you later on!" The younger boy could not help but notice that Kanda had his white shirt unbuttoned, but was also looking deeply troubled by something. He looked like he'd thrown on his evening clothes hurriedly before coming straight to the boy's room without thinking up a good reason as to why he was there. Sure enough, Allen's perceptions were correct. Kanda looked at him, mild confusion on his features, and then looked past the white hair and into the room behind it.

"Were you talking to yourself in there, Moyashi?" His voice sounded slightly panicky, with an edge of something else, possibly fear. The tone of his voice scared Allen a little.

"Yeah, I was," the boy lied, standing aside as Kanda tried to enter the room and look around for any hiding Lavis that might be in there, "I was talking to my mirror, actually." The Japanese man gave him a funny look but didn't comment, preferring to busy himself with opening the small wardrobe in the room. "What are you looking for, by the way? If you need to borrow some clothes, then I advise you go and ask Lavi-" The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. _'No! Don't mention Lavi! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Not a good idea!'_ he thought to himself angrily, cursing his current bad luck.

"I don't need clothes." Kanda said shortly, apparently giving up on his search and standing in the middle of the room, at a loss as to what to do. Allen gestured to the bed and Kanda accepted, sitting on the edge of it and crossing his arms as usual. He wasn't going to disclose why he had been looking around the room so intently. "How did you know I was outside?"

Allen plonked down beside him, not sitting as close as he would have liked; if he'd done that, then he would have been almost right on top of his friend's lap. "I… I heard you walking towards my door," he said feebly, hoping that the lie would suffice. It seemed to, as Kanda didn't question any further about that topic. Allen twiddled his thumbs nervously, glancing up at the taller man's face and wondering just _why_ he was there. He ventured to ask. "Then, if you don't need some clothes, why are you here so early?"

A muscle in Kanda's eye twitched violently at the question he'd been dreading. Of course, it was impossible to _not _be asked the question, but that didn't make it any easier to say the words. He couldn't just turn to the boy and say 'because I just found out that I'm closer to death than I was this morning, and I felt like I needed to be around you, the person I believe I love, and I want to be comforted. Not to mention, the thought of Lavi doing something inappropriate this evening isn't much to console me; in fact, it's making me want to give up altogether.' Kanda decided that he wasn't going to say any of the things that he thought.

"I…" he began, looking at the palms of his hands and wishing to hug the boy beside him, "I came to see if… you hadn't changed your mind yet. About… going with me."

Allen opened his mouth in shock, then closed it, then opened it once again. Had he heard correctly? "R-Really?!" He squealed; his worrying conversation with The Fourteenth was pushed into the back of his mind upon hearing such words from the samurai. "You were worried that I might have changed my mind? Gosh Kanda, I would never do that!"

Kanda almost smiled; he knew the Bean Sprout wouldn't change his mind when it came to him, but that had been the first thing he'd thought of that sounded like a vaguely good reason for being there. "Che, I just needed to find out if you were still ok for it. If you weren't, then I was going to go and ask Lenalee. It's no big deal." Allen's face fell a little at those words, and his mind began waging the war that it had participated in for so many days prior to this one: did Kanda like him, hate him, or just pity him?

"Oh." He said glumly, "OK then. If that's it, then you've got your answer. If you still want me to go with you, then I will."

Kanda raised an eyebrow at his companion. "Che, I didn't mean to make you so damn miserable by saying that. It wasn't intended to make you like this… you need to get a better hold on your emotions, Moyashi-chan."

"Moyashi-chan?"

Kanda cursed inside, regretting letting the cute honorific slip; 'Moyashi-chan' was how he longed to refer to the boy, but he'd always managed to keep it locked away inside him, unable to permeate through the barrier of his heart. "No. I didn't mean that."

Allen's silver eyes twinkled like stars under his white bangs; he looked utterly adorable. "Moyashi-chan sounds cute," he whispered, "it's like something a lover might say…"

"Hence why I didn't mean to say it."

Everything leading up to this moment faded from Allen's mind as his gaze met Kanda's; he forgot why the man was in his room, the conversation with The Fourteenth, feeling saddened by Kanda's reason to being there. Everything. Nothing prior to this moment mattered, and equally, nothing that took place afterwards was of importance either. It was now, or never. He wanted Kanda right now more than he had ever before, and he didn't care whether or not the Japanese man liked him or not – he was, quite frankly, sick of over thinking every situation that arose regarding the two of them, and for once, the boy wanted to act selfishly. "If I really do need to get a better hold of my emotions," he said, his voice still quiet, making Kanda lean down slightly so that he could hear the other exorcist better, "then does that mean that I need to stop showing them?"

"I suppose that's one way you could take it," Kanda said evenly, wondering what the boy was trying to get at, "but what I meant was that you shouldn't feel them, rather than hide them. Complex feelings aren't good." He was a fine one to talk; falling for your same-sex comrade was classed as a complex feeling, right?

Allen shook his head from side to side, causing his bangs to drop into his eyes a little. He looked at Kanda regardless, appearing not to notice the slight obstruction to his vision. "I don't want to not feel them, though," he said, "and neither do you. Don't say anything; I know I'm right about this, because if you followed your own advice, then you wouldn't have called me Moyashi-chan."

"Baka Moyashi," Kanda said, trying to sound thoroughly pissed off but failing badly, "you're reading into this way too much. There's no secret meaning behind what I said, it just happened by accident." _'that is the biggest lie ever, Kanda Yuu,' _he told himself, _'why are you pushing him away at a time like this?'_

"You don't do things by accident though, do you, Kanda." It was a statement, not a question. "You don't 'just let things slip'. I know you don't."

"Che, and what about you?" Kanda retorted, immediately feeling very immature as the words left his mouth, "You do so many things by mistake, and you definitely let things slip. You're no good at keeping anything to yourself, are you?" This was it. This was where the samurai planned to make Allen admit to liking him, and then they would become a happy couple before he finally kicked it due to reasons he could not even imagine. It the minute or so since he'd said 'Moyashi-chan', Kanda had been planning to somehow get the boy to confess the feelings that he already knew were present, and then respond to them with all his might; he just needed Allen to make the first move, in case anything went wrong. He could keep his pride that way.

Allen slowly rearranged his legs so that he was sitting on his knees and facing Kanda, making up for their height difference, and looking the man in the eyes. "I'm better at it than you give me credit for, Kanda," he said, aware that their faces were quite close but not caring at all – this way, he could see the samurai's eyes in more detail than he ever had before, and noticed that they weren't narrowed in the way they usually were. He looked quite gorgeous like that. "I've hidden away one feeling for a short while now, and the only one who knows of it is Lenalee."

"Oh? Is that so?" Kanda said, fighting the urge to brush the bangs out from Allen's silver-lashed eyes and instead shifting in his seat enough to face the boy properly, "Care to share what it is that you've hidden so well, Moyashi?"

Allen broke their unfaltering eye contact at that point and blinked at the floor, mildly fearing the repercussions of what would happen if he said what he thought now. _'To hell with it,' _he decided when his eyes met Kanda's again, _'we don't have all the time in the world. The Earl could attack us tomorrow, kill us both, and he'd never understand…he'd never know how much I…'_

Hands shaking ever so slightly, Allen reached out to the Japanese man's shoulders and lightly laid his fingers on the thin material beneath them, letting his body take over the rational thoughts going through his mind at that point. "Kanda…" he whispered, leaning his upper body forwards very slowly, very slightly, and gently pulling the other man towards him by the shoulders, surprised to find that he responded to the action and allowed the younger boy to bring him closer. "This is difficult," Allen murmured, wanting to rush the whole ordeal and just leap on his friend and have his way with him there, "I don't know if I can do this…"

"Looks like you already are," Kanda said, allowing his face to break into a small, expectant smile; he wasn't going to do anything that encouraged the white haired exorcist to do something that would lead to them being more than 'just friends'. He kept his arms firmly by his sides as his breath caught briefly in his throat when their chests touched together – Allen's arms had now wound themselves around the samurai's neck and he was sitting up properly, several inches higher up than Kanda due to being supported by his knees. He had the man's long dark hair tangled up in his right fist, while his left hand unconsciously began working on the white hair tie. "You know, if you were anyone else, you would be dead by now."

"So… does that mean that you don't hate me?" Allen asked, his eyelashes fluttering as he brought his face down closer to Kanda's, resting his forehead on the other's; their hair seemed to merge together as Allen nuzzled closer. "Does it mean that… you like me?"

Kanda looked into the silver eyes that were so close to his, unresponsive but wishing for nothing other than to wrap his arms around the boy. "What would you do if I said yes?" He said, the smile still there on his lips, "What would you do then?"

Allen's own mouth spread into a smile also as he closed his eyes properly, "You're not making this any easier for me, Kanda. It's taken a lot of courage to get this far. Just answer me."

"First," Kanda said, earning a heavy sigh of impatience from Allen, "Am I right to presume that _you_ like _me_? Because I heard a rumour from a certain little Chinese girl that you do."

Lenalee had told him! Allen made a mental note to first scream at the girl, and then hug her until she popped. He'd not wanted Kanda to find out through her first, but it was too late to complain about that; he would have to make the most of it now, anyways. "There's a … certain truth, behind what you heard." He breathed, causing Kanda to close his eyes also against the slight breeze, "now, shut up and let me kiss you, you emotionally dead bastard."

That was enough conformation for Kanda to react at long last to Allen's obvious actions; putting an end to the teasing, Kanda grabbed the other exorcist round the middle and clamped his hands onto the back of his shirt firmly, pulling the boy further into his body before kissing him with bruising force and hunger. Days, weeks, months of waiting and wanting this so much were finally paid off in that one single bit of intense contact, and Kanda felt absolute satisfaction for the first time in a very, _very_ long time. As Allen returned the kiss with the same searching, hungry passion to it, the samurai felt the need for more skin to be beneath his fingers, so he pulled the tucked-in shirt out from Allen's trousers and slid his hands up underneath the slightly creased clothing. Allen gasped slightly as he felt the cold hands on the small of his back, but did not pull away, did not falter; he wanted this so badly, nothing was going to put him off.

Nothing, except for a certain redheaded rabbit standing in the doorway, watching the pair in absolute horror. Neither of them would have noticed him if he had not accidentally caught his elbow on the doorframe with a loud bang as he tried to subtly sneak away undetected. Allen looked sideways through his hair and saw his friend standing there, but didn't let go of Kanda's bottom lip that was held neatly between his teeth – he was too shocked to do so, and Kanda was equally too shocked to get his hands out from under the boy's clothes.

"Oh, wow," Lavi said nervously, scratching the back of his head and laughing a little, "um, Miranda said it would be a good idea if I came over and borrowed a black shirt from Yuu-chan, but you guys are clearly busy, so… yeah… see you at the party, OK?"

"Lavi, wait!" Allen exclaimed, letting go of Kanda's lip at last, "this isn't what it looks like!"

"Yeah, Baka-Usagi," Kanda said, his voice full of venom and pure anger, pissed that the moment he'd wanted for so long was over too quickly because of the idiot; he still managed to behave like he ruled the room, even though he was currently in the younger boy's possession and was being dominated himself, "before you go getting any stupidly brainless ideas, we aren't together." _'Yet.'_

Lavi couldn't bear to look at them together like that. That was how he'd always wanted to be with his Yuu-chan, and now the shorter exorcist had stolen him away without considering his feelings. "Well, whatever you two are or aren't, I don't want to look at it."

"Che. Then get out of Moyashi-chan's room, idiot." Allen turned bright red as Kanda referred to him as 'Moyashi-chan'.

"I am."

"Good. Bye."

The apprentice Bookman could feel the tears beginning to form at the back of his eye, and knew that he had to get away from the two of them as quickly as he could before the tears actually fell. But leaving meant leaving them together, which meant that… well, many things could happen in the two hours before they were expected elsewhere, but Lavi seriously doubted that either of them were loose enough to do anything too sexual straight away.

"Please," Lavi said, almost desperately, "Put each other down and get ready. I'll see you in a bit." With that, he turned on his heel and strode away as quickly as he could, ignoring Allen's protests of denial and apologies. As far as he was concerned, his life had ended upon walking into that room, and his happiness had taken flight and gone elsewhere. Kanda would never want him, not now that he had Allen entirely to himself. There was no point in continuing. He made a mental note to go and cry on Miranda's shoulder for the next few hours.

Allen and Kanda looked at each other, still incredibly close together, and still holding on to each other. Neither seemed to want to speak first, or move first. Allen did it though.

"Now what?" He asked in a hushed voice, although there really was no reason to speak so quietly, "What're we going to do now? What about poor Lavi? He loves you, doesn't he? What a horrible way for him to find us! Lavi…"

"Che," Kanda grunted, tightening his grip on the British boy in his arms, "Us? There's an us now, is there?"

Allen blinked at him. "There isn't?"

"Just testing you," Kanda said, sitting up slightly and licking Allen's lips, enjoying the blush that covered the boy's cheeks as he did, "If you want there to be, then I guess there is."

"Hm? But I thought that before, you told Lavi that we weren't together?" Allen said, pulling on Kanda's long hair gently and attempting to untangle his fingers from it.

"I was thinking 'not yet' in my mind. Very loudly." Kanda said, not quite meeting Allen's eyes; he wasn't good at admitting anything that was even vaguely related to deeper feelings than those associated with being hungry or being annoyed with Lavi. Not yet, anyway.

"Oh, good," Allen said, drawing Kanda as close to him as humanly possible and laying a very small kiss on the man's right cheek, "I hoped you were. I was too, you know."

"I know." With that, Allen kissed Kanda again, but much more tenderly this time, wanting to soak up as much of the man as he could before he ran out of air and had to break the contact in order to survive. There would be time to worry about Lavi and everyone else later; for now, at least, this time was meant for the two of them and no one else. Not even The Fourteenth, who was still present in the mirror, forgotten, watching, and knowing.

**--**

**Yep. It was 7500 words of crap, I know Dx forgive Hika-chan! She did her best! ;A; please please review! I would love to know what you think of where the plot is going, and also reviews are good for my morale! Yeah! XD Love and hugs to my readers :3**


	11. The Party

**Triangle Chapter 11**

***dies happily* It's late at night, I am ill, and I am very tired. But, I have finished this chapter! YEY! The party is finally underway, but it will continue into next chapter, so yes, you'll get to read Kanda and Allen slow-dancing XD this chapter was meant to be around 10,000 words instead of the current 6,643, but I couldn't get it all done tonight and I really wanted to update, so... the rest will come shortly :3 I HOPE YOU LIKE!! I love all of my reviewers, and also my readers :D please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the series.**

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Two long hours had finally come to pass at long last, and now Lavi was waiting in the doorway of the large cafeteria, which had been decorated further since he'd last been in there only a little while ago. He sighed and looked around for some indication to what time it was, for he was sure that Miranda was late. And also, _they _were no where to be found just yet; not usually the negative type, Lavi couldn't help but think bad thoughts as he questioned himself, yet again, about the whereabouts of his two male friends. He hoped against hopes that he had been right, and that they really weren't loose enough to go and screw each other so soon after admitting each other's feelings. In his mind, the redhead imagined them confessing like this: Allen had randomly found Kanda outside his room at the right moment, grabbed him and pulled him inside while coming up with some lame excuse for doing so, and then molested the man until he gave in and said something stupid in the heat of the moment. Lavi had a very strange perception of reality.

He looked up again as he saw a skirt flutter past him, but it was not Miranda, so he continued to look at his newly polished black shoes as if they were entertaining to the eye. He vaguely wondered where his date had gotten herself lost while his mind unwillingly conjured up images of his love and friend that were not suitable for a younger audience. He sighed again, wishing over and over to just forget all about Kanda Yuu and to forget that he loved him – asking for a miracle didn't seem like a ridiculous idea when being a disciple of God.

"Lavi?"

Lavi looked up quickly at the person who had addressed him and found Miranda standing before him, now also wearing a particularly lovely silver necklace with a large amethyst hanging off it, matching the colour of her dress. The apprentice Bookman smiled at her in a slightly apologetic way and stood up straight, no longer leaning against the doorway in a casual manner.

"I'm so sorry, Miranda," he said to her, "I'm sorry I didn't come back and get you after going to find Yuu-chan."

Miranda smiled at him, side stepping to the left so that a few Finders could pass her easily into the party room, "It's OK, I presumed you'd come straight here anyway." She looked at what he was wearing briefly before speaking again, "You were unsuccessful in borrowing the shirt, then?"

"Yeah," Lavi said, his smile slipping off his face at record speed, "When I passed Allen's room, I saw them both in there. Together. I know," he added, seeing Miranda's shocked expression and taking her hand when she offered it to him, "Big shocker, huh? Didn't expect them to get together before the party… Although, Yuu said that they weren't together, but that's bull if you ask me."

Miranda gripped his hand a little tighter and pulled him away from the doorway to try and prevent any eavesdroppers from listening in on them, "Oh Lavi," she said in a hushed voice, clearly devastated for her friend, "What are you going to do now?"

Lavi shrugged at her, defeated; he felt a strong need to get paralytic right about now. "Dunno, do I? To be completely honest, I was going to tell Allen how Yuu felt during this celebration, but looks like I don't need to anymore, does it?"

Miranda honestly felt like weeping for him right now; even though he loved Kanda more than he had ever thought capable, Lavi had been willing to throw all of that away at his own accord, just to make the other two happy instead of him. "That would have been such a selfless thing to do, if you'd had the chance to," she said truthfully, wishing that the redhead would look her in the eye instead of at his feet, "And it takes a lot of courage and guts to do that and to let go of someone. You're amazing, you know that?"

"Heh," Lavi said with a lopsided grin that looked painful, "Dunno about that. I never got to do it, did I? Probably would have never done it." Miranda raised an eyebrow at him slightly, knowing full well that he would have. "Oh, speak of the devil, look who's here now."

Following his one-eyed gaze, the German woman winced when she saw Kanda and Allen arrive at the double doors together – although they weren't doing anything that suggested they were together as a couple, she could tell straight away that there was something going on between the two of them. Even though Kanda wasn't smiling, he didn't look at Allen as if he had just scraped him off the bottom of his boot, and Allen wasn't constantly frowning up at the taller exorcist. Plus, they were walking closer together than usual, and when their hands brushed together by accident the white haired boy squeaked loudly, blushing when Kanda rolled his eyes at him. She hated to admit it, but they looked quite adorable like that.

"Come on," Lavi said roughly, pulling Miranda along by the hand back to the entrance; his expression was stony hard and tight, like he was having trouble swallowing a large lump of bread, "let's go in too."

"We don't have to if you don't want to," Miranda said, not liking the way Lavi pulled her along like a dog on a lead but thinking twice before complaining, "If you don't want to see them then that's OK."

"No. I want to see if they get embarrassed around me, and if they act all lovely together. Because if they do, then Yuu'll never hear the end of it."

Miranda bit her lower lip, stopping herself from speaking, as they entered the room. The lights were dimmed to an appropriate level – not too dark but not too bright – and there was a huge banner hanging from one end of the ceiling to the other that read "Congratulations on getting home safely, Exorcists," in big black hand writing; Miranda wondered briefly if the new version of Komurin had done it or not. Harmonious background music was playing softly and could just be heard above the quiet hum of chatter in the room, and little black golems flitted back and forth with a single golden Timcanpy, who was apparently enjoying the excitement and occasion. A dance floor had been made by clearing away tables (thanks to Kanda and Allen's help earlier), and a long narrow table stood against one of the walls, supporting an incredible amount of buffet food on top of it – Jerry had really outdone himself this time.

Allen nervously straightened his black tie for the hundredth time that evening, tugging at it to pull it downwards only then to push the knot back up to where it had been previously; he had no idea how he was meant to behave with Kanda now and was equally clueless as to how the man wanted him to act – Kanda didn't give any hints away at all. The question of whether they were actually together kept bothering the boy relentlessly as well, circling around in his mind until it began to drive him crazy.

"Stop messing around with your tie, Moyashi-chan," Kanda instructed, sighing as he observed his date in an almost amused fashion, "it looks fine, so leave it alone for now." He himself was not wearing a tie with the shirt that Lavi had wanted to borrow (he had changed shirts upon finding out that Lavi wanted the black one, just to indirectly annoy the Bookman), and couldn't understand why Allen had wanted to have one when he was nearly strangling himself with the item constantly.

Allen sighed also, looking defeated by the long piece of silky material, "I know, but I can't help it, I'm too nervous tonight." Once again, he began fiddling with the knot without realising what he was doing, "I have so many butterflies in my stomach right now."

Kanda brushed away Allen's hands from his tie and undid the garment quickly, not looking at the boy in the eyes, "You've messed it up too much, baka," he explained as he redid the knot, feeling Allen's stare on him, "So I'm fixing it for you."

"What a lovely thing to do, Kanda." Allen smiled warmly, wanting to grab the Japanese man's hands as he let go of the tie and took a step away, "If I didn't know you better then I'd be led to believe that you cared about me."

The older exorcist raised an eyebrow at the younger. "I do care. I care a lot." The two of them stared at each other in shocked silence for a couple of seconds, neither believing what Kanda had said. The man cleared his throat loudly and diverted his gaze, embarrassment slowly overcoming his senses; why had he gone and said something stupid like that? Because it was true, and there was no other answer.

"That makes me glad," Allen said in a small voice, almost inaudible above the chatter of the other members of the Order in the room, "Because I was thinking that maybe… you regretted what happened before…"

"Che. I wouldn't have done it if I knew I'd regret it later." Kanda's tone wasn't angry, but rather slightly disappointed in the boy for doubting him. "Why? Do you regret it?"

"No!" Allen gasped, his eyes now suddenly wide and focused on nothing other than the exorcist before him, "Of course I'm not! Because I know that I like you! I just didn't know how much you really liked me, that's all…"

Kanda smiled very slightly and moved so that he was directly in front of the shorter boy; he could feel his rapid breaths on his chest and collarbone where the shirt was undone. "The way you phrased that… you sounded like a typical high school girl, Moyashi-chan."

Allen narrowed his eyes slightly at that comment, "Yeah? Well the way you just said that, you sounded kind of sexy, Kanda." He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from adding 'chan' onto the end of his love's name; he was already being daring enough as it was.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

"I'll try not to do it again, then."

Allen puffed his cheeks out in an endearing way at his friend, "Jeez Kanda, you can be so annoying sometimes."

"Che."

"Like that! Always saying che! I nearly said it earlier on because of you!"

"You like it though, I bet."

Allen's features softened into an adorably angelic smile as he knew what Kanda said was true. "Of course. Because if you weren't like that, then you wouldn't be you."

The sound of Komui shouting loudly for everyone's attention stopped their half-hearted argument before it could turn into something quite different, and the two of them turned to face the centre of the dance floor so as to see the man properly. The lights dimmed significantly and a spotlight fell onto Komui, giving the feel of a solo singer at a concert. On the other side of the room, Lavi was glaring at them and wishing he could go and break them up by stealing Kanda away right that second; the only thing that stopped him was his will to not go back on his word to his Yuu-chan – he didn't want to interfere right after saying that he wouldn't. And also there was Miranda, who was sure to stop him if he tried anything.

"Exorcists and Finders!" Komui shouted once everyone had grown silent to let him speak, "Thank you all for coming here tonight! As you all know, this celebration is being held for the brave exorcists who fought against the Noah in the Ark not long ago. So, here we are, ready to congratulate them all on doing such a fine job…"

Allen stopped paying attention to the supervisor at that point, preferring to direct his attention on to something of far greater importance than what was being announced. Since no one was looking in their direction and they were conveniently standing behind the mass of people, no one would see what they did.

"Kanda," Allen said in a whisper, laying his hands on the taller man's shoulders lightly and pressing his body into his, "No one's looking at us right now…"

Flickers of shock and apprehension passed over Kanda's face, betraying what he felt inside as he looked from one silver eye to the other, "Right now? With everyone here? If we get caught-"

"Then I'll smile, nod, and ask them how their day has been so far." The cursed boy said with a grin as he gently pulled Kanda closer, "I don't care what they think, and you're looking more gorgeous now than before, so I'm finding it difficult to hold back."

"Well then," Kanda said, almost brushing his mouth against Allen's since they were so close now, "Make sure its worth the risk." He really wasn't in the mood to resist the person he loved when said person was so obviously wanting as much of him as possible right there and then. Their lips met as soon as the words left the samurai; Allen was too impatient to wait for permission to lick the insides of Kanda's mouth, so he forced his tongue in while ignoring the half-hearted moan of protest that growled at the back of the man's throat.

Miranda looked at Lavi's face, worrying about her friend as she read the expression he wore – glaring and scowling at something on the other side of the room usually didn't mean that the person directing such a gaze could be happy. "Lavi," she whispered, not wanting to interrupt Komui as he continued to speak, "what's the matter? What're you looking at?"

"That brat," he said shakily through gritted teeth, not looking at the German woman by his side, "has no idea just how lucky he is to be getting off what Yuu… does he even realise how often Yuu allows contact with another person, never mind tongue-wrestling? Damn you, Allen…" He balled his fists up tightly then relaxed them, and then repeated the process several times over. The redhead _knew _that he had promised not to do anything to try and split them up, but as he watched Allen move his hands from Kanda's shoulder's up to behind his neck he knew that keeping a promise like that was just unbelievable, and his musings of the couple no longer being together would become a fantastic reality. He hated himself for feeling this consuming rage and jealousy, but for once in his life, Lavi didn't try and blot out the human emotions while reminding himself that he was a Bookman and had no reason to want to be with anyone.

Miranda looked to where her friend was directing his look of loathing, and she understood why he was behaving as he was. Although she couldn't see them all too clearly, the female exorcist was sure that it was Allen and Kanda standing there, wrapped around one another in a manner that she had not expected to see either partake in when alone together, never mind out in public. She could only assume that they would break apart and pretend it never happened when the Lee brother stopped talking to the gathered members of the Order.

Miranda took Lavi's hand in her own to try and provide him with some comfort, only to have her hand squeezed firmly while the man used her as an anchor to the spot on which they stood so as to prevent himself from attacking Allen in a fit of blind jealousy.

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The door to the Japanese exorcist's room creaked open very slowly, as if the perpetrator was afraid of being heard if they moved too quickly by the people who were present in the large cafeteria several floors down from the location they were in. Peaking her head round the door, Lenalee Lee peered into the dark room and scanned the area quickly with a sweep of her eyes. Seeming convinced that no one was lurking in the shadows, the Chinese girl darted in and shut the door behind herself, making sure that it clicked shut before moving away and letting herself drop down to her knees beside the bed against the wall.

"Forgive me for doing this Kanda," she murmured to herself as she extended an arm and reached for the sand timer that still lay on the covers of the bed, "but this is just too strange; I have to know what this is. I'll return it as soon as possible."

She stood up again and dusted off her dress lightly, clutching at the precious glass object that held the lotus inside. As she went to exit quickly, she could not help notice that another petal had fallen from the main flower and was now resting on top of the others that had collected at the bottom of the container. Lenalee remembered how Kanda had acted when she had told him that six petals had fallen, and wondered how he would react if he knew another had gone.

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As soon as Allen let go of his love by the lips he knew that something was wrong with the other exorcist. Even though Kanda looked no different physically, Allen could tell without being able to explain to himself how he knew. He watched the man closely as he took a couple of steps away from him, acting as if their kiss had never taken place, and decided that asking whether there was a problem was not a good idea; if he had no way of proving that he was right, then he didn't want to enter an argument with the guy.

Kanda had felt it. Hell, he was surprised that he hadn't started coughing up blood right in Allen's face as he felt every one of his organs scream and burn with an indescribable and tremendous pain that he had not felt ever before in his life. He had felt like he was dying in the most agonising way possible for no longer than a second, and the feeling had stopped when the white haired boy had stopped the kiss. The only thought that was now going round his mind was that his earlier assumption of being closer to death was indeed correct, but then that led to the question: why now? Why had the pain began and vanished so quickly and now, of all times? Vaguely, Kanda wondered if it had been because he'd kissed Allen, but that thought left him in a hurry as he reminded himself that the last time they'd lip-locked he'd not felt pain anywhere other than at the back of his head, where Allen had been pulling at his long hair.

'_As long as Moyashi-chan doesn't realise anything was wrong and doesn't ask you anything, then you can pretend it never happened.' _Kanda chose to go with the easiest solution for the time being. _'But later on, go and see Komui and tell him. He'll know what to do.'_

Allen blinked at his companion expectantly as everyone finished applauding Komui and began heading their way to indulge in the luxurious buffet behind them, blissfully unaware of the actions that had just taken place behind their backs. Kanda simply blinked back at him.

"Well?" Allen said at last, his head inclined to the right and his eyes shining bright despite the dim lighting, "How was that? Was it to your liking?"

"If these people weren't here," Kanda said lowly, avoiding looking at anyone near them as he moved closer to Allen's side, "then that kiss would have lasted a hell of a lot longer. And my superb self-control might have faltered momentarily." He was unable to add on the part about wanting to kiss every inch of Allen's body until he cried for more; he wasn't _that_ ready to open up to anyone and let them through his barrier. Those kinds of thoughts would have to be kept secret until otherwise appropriate.

Allen blushed immensely but chuckled a little, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked up at Kanda's face through his silver eyelashes. "You're so different to me now, compared to how you used to be," he said shyly, "I think I prefer you like this."

"Che. I'm not trying to change or anything. You make me like this." It was true.

"Hn… but no matter how much I make you like this – whatever _this_ is – you still won't initiate a kiss without being pushed into it by me."

"We've only done it twice, and you don't really give me any chances to take control."

Allen laid a hand on Kanda's chest momentarily as he went on tiptoes to whisper into the Japanese man's ear, "Make a chance, then," he said seductively, resisting the urge to nibble the man's earlobe. Then he was walking away into the crowd, leaving Kanda standing alone with a pounding heart and a shyly growing blush on his pale cheeks.

"Barely been together for 5 minutes and yet he's already like this…" Kanda grumbled to himself, contemplating chasing after Allen and taking his hand, "seriously. I thought he'd be more embarrassed about being with me… jeez…" He finally decided that following his love was a good idea after all and started after him, hoping that he wouldn't run into Lavi tonight when he wanted no one expect his beloved Bean Sprout.

Then, suddenly, he felt the feeling in his right leg leave him as he nearly fell down to the floor with a crash. Luckily he was next to a wall, so he caught himself on that and held himself steady as blood pounded against his ear drums in a rhythm that seemed to be saying 'why, why, why, why,' and so on.

"What the hell?" He hissed to his leg, gripping the wall and feeling a little dizzy all of a sudden, "what the fuck?" Legs didn't just stop working, as far as he was aware. He shook it experimentally, not enough to attract attention from anyone around him, finding that when he returned his foot to the floor everything felt perfectly normal once again. "What the _fuck_?" That was just too strange – first his insides and now his leg? Kanda couldn't figure it out, and decided not to; since he couldn't think of a decent explanation for it right at that moment, he preferred not to rack his brains for an answer when he knew he wouldn't find one. It could wait, whatever it was, until tomorrow. At this moment, he had more important things to do rather than stress out over an incorrectly-functioning body. His healing seal would probably take care of it anyway.

Looking up again and standing away from the wall, Kanda searched for Allen in the mass of people, but gave up after several seconds of failing to locate the white haired boy from where he currently stood. It should have been an easy task really, considering how much he stood out in a crowd due to his brilliantly bright hair, but today it was proving rather difficult to say the least. He moved into the sea of Finders and exorcists, looking around for his runaway Bean Sprout.

"Oh, Kanda-san!" Kanda stopped, feeling a little wobbly on his now completely recovered leg, and turned round to come face-to-face with Miranda. "How are you this evening?"

"Che. Fine." He needed to catch up with Allen, wherever he'd gone, not stand and gossip with Miranda. He made to move away, but the German woman caught him by the wrist and held him firmly, preventing his escape. "What do you want?" That was the only suitable question he could think of to ask.

"Would you mind if I talked to you for a little while?" She had to raise her voice significantly as the first song blasted out from the live band that stood in the far corner of the room, located at the front-right of the dance floor, "It's about Lavi-"

"I'm busy right now."

Miranda opened her mouth feebly, unsure about how she should combat that remark when the man made it so plain that he didn't want to talk about the redhead, who had been abandoned by his female friend as she left to speak to Kanda, "I… Kanda-san, I think it would help us both out…"

Kanda eventually freed his wrist and placed his hands on the woman's shoulders, gripping them rather tightly, "Miranda," he had to her, ignoring her look of mild fear as she blinked up at him, "There is nothing to talk about. I'm guessing that he's told you everything up to this point, so you don't need my side of the events. They're just as he described, I reckon, and-"

"He loves you though, Kanda-san." Miranda interrupted bravely. Kanda snorted at her in reply.

"So what?" He said coldly, noticing that she winced from his tone and not liking her reaction; he had not intended for her to be hurt from it, "That's of no concern to me. Lavi's the kind of person who moves on quickly and chases after someone else after a few days." He knew that what he was saying was a lie this time round. _'Lies,'_ he thought, _'that has applied to all of his other crushes, but its different this time. It's lasted so much longer and he does actually seem to feel a lot stronger towards me than any of the girls he's liked in the past.' _Realising that he still had a hold on Miranda's shoulders, Kanda quickly removed them and coughed into his right hand as if to dismiss what he'd just said. "Anyway," he continued, "If he wants to talk to me himself then fine, but I don't want you acting as his messenger, OK?"

"I'm not his messenger," Miranda said, looking slightly hurt as she moved aside so that Reever could squeeze past her on his way to the buffet, "I just wanted to talk to you about him on my own accord. He's been distressed recently, because of you and Allen-kun…" Kanda's eyes widened as he understood that if Lavi had told her everything, which he definitely had done, then she also knew about him loving Allen; the colour drained from the man's face slowly as the comprehension fully dawned on him. "Oh, and," the woman added as she noticed Kanda's slight change in expression, "I saw you two kissing just a minute ago. And so did Lavi – he was about to go and break you apart but I stopped him. So please don't pretend to either of us that you're not together."

"You can be evil sometimes, can't you?" Kanda said, swallowing hard and hating how his palms had started sweating, "Why did it have to be you two who saw?"

"If it had been anyone else, how would you have reacted?"

"Che. I would have killed them, most likely."

"Ah… don't you want people to know?"

"No."

"Ever?"

"Not right now."

The German woman nodded and smiled for the first time since she'd began talking to the samurai, the gentleness of her facial expression somehow creating a calm aura around her and almost influencing Kanda. Almost. "When I first met you," she said, extending a hand and laying it delicately on the man's cheek, "I thought that you were a person who was completely devoid of all human emotions…"

"Wow, thanks."

"Let me finish," she said firmly, silencing Kanda, "But after all this fuss with Lavi, and seeing you being so intimate with Allen-kun, well… I know now that my initial thoughts on you were slightly misguided… so, I'm sorry."

Kanda grunted in a typical man fashion, not wanting to respond with proper words in case he said something to her that was _nice_. He didn't want to go and do that now, did he.

"And if you don't want to talk about Lavi with me, then at least find him and talk to him, just so that you two can clear up any unfinished business and let him finally let go of you." Miranda said softly, her voice barely audible above the music and Order members singing along. She looked away from her companion as something else caught her attention by the doors, and excused herself politely. "Ah, there's Lenalee now; she's late! I'm going to go and talk to her and then find Lavi again, OK? I'll see you later hopefully, Kanda-san."

Kanda nodded at her, glad to at last be able to return his attention to the Moyashi, "I'll see you when you and Lenalee perform your duet, I guess." He nearly smiled when the German woman blushed bright crimson and the bustled off hurriedly, bumping into several people in her haste to get away and hide her embarrassment. Even though he hadn't shown it, Kanda had been hard hit by her words, and was a little concerned when he realised that he cared about what the people around him perceived him to be – it was true that after being brought back in the Ark by his love, Kanda had become less anti-social and more willing to help other people for their own benefit rather than for his own. And it was all thanks to Allen Walker.

The Japanese exorcist actually allowed himself to smile slightly as he caught sight of the back of a certain white-haired person's head; Allen was apparently talking to someone while standing quite still on the dance floor, but Kanda couldn't see who it was that was sharing the conversation with him due to other people being in the way and the dark lighting. With large and purposeful strides, he went straight to where Allen was, ignoring the few frowns he received when he accidentally bumped into one or two dancers on his short journey. When he was directly behind Allen he decided that tonight, at least, he was going to act exactly how he wanted to. Fuck everyone else, Kanda Yuu was going to be as selfish as hell for now.

With absolutely no regard as to whether Allen wanted his love to behave like this or not, Kanda pulled the boy into him backwards, winding his arms around the shorter exorcist's waist until he was hugging him tightly, claiming him as his own. Allen squeaked and jumped, nearly throwing the drink in his hand over himself in surprise as he was attacked from behind. "Found you, Moyashi-chan," Kanda whispered into his right ear through his white hair, responding to the shiver that ran through his love's body by holding him tighter, "Did you think that you could get away that easily?"

Allen gasped as Kanda's breath tickled his ear but didn't pull away in surprise; instead, he placed his hands over the samurai's, which were resting on his stomach, and laced their fingers together carefully. "I know I said to make a chance," he smiled, conking the sides of their heads together lightly as if to tell off his lover, "but I really didn't expect you to do it when in the company of others. I'm impressed, amazed, scared and thrilled all at once."

Kanda looked up away from Allen and glared at the Bean Sprout's companion, daring them to say something about him wanting bodily contact with someone. He almost inhaled his tongue when his eyes met Lavi's single green one looking back at him, twinkling away in the light as it portrayed a ill-hidden look of utmost jealousy. Kanda gaped momentarily, at a loss for words he could say to his friend.

"…Che."

Lavi sighed sadly, pasting on a small smile as he did. "Can't think of anything intelligent to say, huh Yuu-chan?"

"Shut your mouth, Baka-Usagi."

"And you still can't." His tone sounded slightly disappointed as well as humouring the situation. Allen looked back and forth between the two as they spoke, but finally decided that placing a palm on Kanda's cheek was the best thing to do for now. Apparently, Lavi did not agree with the boy's decision as the Japanese man leaned into the touch ever so slightly, for he narrowed his eyes at the pair and failed to dismiss it when they both looked at him, waiting for him to say something else that may help along their awkward conversation. "So… you two, eh? Gotta say, I saw it coming from a mile off after that time when Yuu got all moody about Allen knowing I'd kissed him. Congrats and all that, guys." _'Congrats, my arse. There's no fucking way I'd ever support you together. Allen can't ever even begin to love Yuu as much as I do and have done for years.'_

"So what were you talking about before I found you, Moyashi-chan?" Kanda said loudly, rudely ignoring what Lavi had said as he squeezed Allen a little tighter, loving the feeling of their bodies being so close together and deeply wishing that they were alone right about now, "Can't have been that interesting."

""That's mean," Allen frowned, "Of course it was interesting."

"Yeah, we were actually talking about what kind of people we like," Lavi added, raising an eyebrow slightly as Kanda looked mildly confused, "You know, as in which gender we like."

Kanda opened his mouth to say 'oh', but that quickly turned into a frown and then a deep scowl. "Che. You're weird for wanting to discuss such a topic," he said roughly, while wondering how Allen had answered.

"Uh-huh," the redhead said easily, "want to know what we both said?" Allen frantically tried to silence him without moving or saying anything, but failed entirely as Lavi continued anyway, seeming not to notice what the boy was doing. "Sure you do! Well, you know me, I like anyone who's good-looking enough to turn my head, whether they're male or female. I don't care. And Allen here said that the only person he's ever really liked is you, so he doesn't know which he prefers since you could really be either."

"I didn't say that!" Allen protested to the man holding him as he felt Kanda's grip on him slacken significantly, "I didn't! I don't think that you could be mistaken for either gender!" He turned his attention back to Lavi, who was grinning, "Have you ever seen this guy topless? He's quite obviously all _man_! And having long hair doesn't mean he looks like a girl."

"Your hair's getting kind of lengthy now too, Moyashi-chan," Kanda said matter-of-factly, resuming his previous hold on the boy now that he'd heard the truth behind what had really happened. Allen huffed at him in embarrassment as his stomach growled loudly; the smell of the buffet was causing him to want to consume everything edible within the room.

"And?" Lavi said, wanting to push Allen aside and be held like that by the samurai instead, "What about you, Yuu? Which do you prefer? Ahaha, no wait, don't answer, I already know."

"Che. You don't."

"I do!" Lavi grinned, "You're completely and totally gay, aren't you?"

Kanda snarled at the man, feeling humiliated and angry; how dare he make such an assumption! He really knew nothing at all. "Just because the person that I happen to like is male," he said, his teeth gritted due to rage, "doesn't make me homosexual."

"So you like girls then?" Allen piped up, happiness pulsing through his body as he heard Kanda confirm, with proper words, that he did in fact like him; he would have to show him just how it made him feel later on, when there were no people around to judge their actions; thinking about it nearly made the boy shiver.

"I don't really like either." Kanda said truthfully, "I've never stopped and thought about it. What?" He asked angrily as Lavi stared at him open mouthed, "It's true. I don't usually give a damn about those kinds of feelings." He let go of Allen and took a step away, wondering what the hell had just compelled him to say such things. _'There was no reason for you to answer those ridiculous questions. You can't gain anything from it, you idiot. You big, fucking retard. Never talk to the bunny boy again as long as you live.'_ As he thought that, a very strong and vibrant image of his lotus flower came into his mind's eye, reminding him suddenly of what Lenalee had discovered earlier on that day. He really didn't want to think about it now of all times, when he was around others and in the middle of the only celebration he could remember that didn't have anything to do with welcoming a new exorcist to the order. He would have to deal with the flower-related problem later, as now Allen was tugging at his hand, trying to lead him into the middle of the dance floor. "What, Moyashi-chan?"

"I want to dance," he announced, sounding like a spoilt child as he did so, "I like this song, and I want to dance with you." Kanda hadn't even noticed that the song had changed; the band was now playing a very slow and beautiful melody, and as he looked, the Japanese man could see several couples dancing away slowly – Lenalee could be seen holding onto her brother as they danced gracefully together, neither showing any hints of caring about anything other than the rhythm of their movements. "Can we? Please?"

Kanda looked at Lavi, who was still watching him intently. Going now with Allen would be a cruel thing to do to the redhead, but at the same time Kanda couldn't see why he should have to worry about how Lavi felt every time he wanted to be near to his love. So what if Lavi loved him? He would have to deal with the truth and move on, before Kanda moved him along to the next life so kindly for him. The man took hold of the shorter boy's hand and let himself be pulled along to where his partner wanted to go, while saying to Lavi, "Miranda will be expecting you to dance with her."

The apprentice Bookman watched the pair leave him, hating himself for ever loving someone who would not return what he felt. Slipping away silently while tearing his eyes from the two who were preparing to slow-dance, he slid into the crowd of non-dancers in such of the German woman who would undoubtedly be waiting patiently for him, like Kanda had said.

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**Well then! You like? REVIEW! \rabu/ ehe :3**


	12. During our time alone

**Triangle Chapter 12**

**It's here =w= and I've changed the rating to M just to be safe - there's no actual sex in this chapter, but a fair amount of foreplay. Hope it's to everyone's liking :3! It's my first shot at writing something like this. Unfortunately, you guys won't get to see Allen and Kanda's first time \sobs/ but hopefully there'll be other oppotunities for me to write smutty smexers XD This chappie is shorter than a few of the others, but again, that is because it's kinda late here and I reallllly wanted to submit - so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: don't own.**

**Warnings: Implied (right word?) sex, and foreplay. Nothing too extreme though (I think!)**

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"Do you think Lavi will be alright with me taking you away from him like that?" Allen asked as Kanda placed a hand on the boy's right hip, tugging him in closer to him as they arranged themselves for slow-dancing, "I mean, he seemed kind of upset."

"Che. I don't care, to be quite honest," Kanda said bluntly, taking up Allen's hand in his as the other exorcist laid his free hand on the man's shoulder lightly, "And I don't belong to him, so you didn't take me away from him; I'm not his and never have been. He can indulge in his fantasies as much as he likes, but I'll never be something in his possession."

"Good," Allen replied, glancing around briefly to see if anyone was staring at such an unlikely couple, only relaxing a little when he convinced himself that they were free from critical gazes, "because you're mine and no one else's." Even as he said it he blushed violently, and standing this close to Kanda didn't help his situation in the slightest, "And you always will be, so long as you live."

"You're wrong there, Moyashi-chan," Kanda said softly, his eyes almost portraying a look of beautiful danger, as he corrected his love's mistake, "Because I don't belong to anyone. You're the one who belongs to me entirely; I'll be taking control of this relationship whether you like it or not."

Allen raised an eyebrow a little, looking up at Kanda through his eyelashes as he did so. The man could be so difficult to figure out sometimes. Did he mean that Allen was his as an object he owned and planned to use out of boredom every once in a while, or was it intended to be taken as a confession from a particularly possessive and protective lover? The boy decided by the hint of a look of lustful adoration in the Japanese man's eyes that his second guess had been the right one. "Am I meant to be scared right now, or am I meant to be giddy with anticipation?"

Kanda snorted at him, finding the question to be quite a bold one on Allen's part. "Depends what it is you're anticipating, doesn't it?"

The smile on Allen's face grew wider and his teeth showed momentarily before he answered, "It's a secret." The urge to keep Kanda in suspense had been just too great, and now Allen left the man guessing what it was that he wanted him to partake in. "If you really want to lead that badly, then for now, lead the dance." Allen nearly kissed Kanda as he saw the look of sudden shyness flit across his face – he had never danced before, never mind led one. Just the thought of that made the man appear oddly adorable in Allen's mind at that point. "You've never led a dance before?"

"Che." was the reply he got, "Never had a reason to do so."

"It's not that hard," Allen encouraged, shuffling in closer until their knees threatened to knock together due to lack of space between them, "All you have to do is let your body do as it wants and follow the rhythm of the song at a slow pace; I'm sure you can do it."

"Moyashi-chan," Kanda said so quietly that his love had to strain his ears to hear what was being said, "if I let my body do as it wants right now, then you'd be on that floor being fucked so hard that you wouldn't be able to even breathe, never mind dance afterwards. And the pace certainly wouldn't be slow." Allen flushed a vibrant and deep red as he gasped for air and choked a little, shocked and amazed at Kanda's forwardness and sudden new-found ability to say exactly what it was that he wanted to do, even if it wasn't suitable for the time or place. He looked away from Kanda's eyes, embarrassed, wanting to reply but was not able to think of the right words to suit what was going through his mind. "What?" Kanda said a little nervously, suddenly aware that he had just blabbered something that was both out of character as well as completely inappropriate so soon into their relationship, "I didn't mean to make you so embarrassed. Shit, I shouldn't have said that at all…"

Kanda abruptly fell silent as Allen's lips met his for the briefest of seconds; the contact was not much and it did not last for very long, but it was enough to stop any more words escaping from the samurai's mouth. "When you are with me, Kanda Yuu," he said, his voice shaking ever so slightly as he continued to recover from what he'd just heard, "Feel free to say whatever you want, no matter how bad it may seem, because I'll always want to hear it."

"No matter what it is?"

"Anything at all."

"Che, fine." He gave in to the younger boy so quickly and without resistance that the two of them were shocked for a couple of seconds. Kanda then kissed Allen's cheek softly, longing to feel the warmth of his lips once again only for longer this time; he didn't act upon that want in case anyone saw them this time, "Then it has to be both ways. I'll talk to you more as long as you tell me what's bothering you when you plaster on that fake happy-smile of yours."

"Always with the insults…"

"What was that?"

"I said you look sexy tonight."

"Che, no you didn't."

"Eh. You do, though."

"Don't change the subject, Moyashi-chan."

"Kanda?"

"Hm?"

"No more talking now. Let's just dance… and maybe later on… i-if you're lucky, you can let your body do what it _really_ wants."

Kanda blinked hard at the Bean Sprout, feeling very tempted to ask him to repeat what he had just said. Three words burned in his mind as the cursed boy blinked shyly and coughed lightly: Sex with Allen. The mere thought of such a possibility made Kanda feel dizzy and caused the adrenalin to throb in his veins; even though the idea had crossed his mind countless times while he'd thought of nothing but the boy for days, he had never actually dared to hope that his musings could ever come true. Heck, he still didn't believe that Allen actually _liked_ him, let alone want to go all the way with him just hours after their sudden understanding of each other's feelings. The Japanese man sadly failed to realise the depths of Allen's love for him at this point, but they were no less than what he felt back to the younger exorcist. It was strange to think now that if they had both just swallowed their pride a little earlier and had gave into what they wanted and needed, then weeks of heart ache and confusion could have been saved – unfortunately for Lavi though, nothing could have prevented him from his own soul-crushing emotions.

"Are you serious?" Kanda didn't try to hide his obvious astonishment as his dark eyes locked onto Allen's bright silver ones, "You do understand what you just said, don't you?"

"I do." Even though he had only properly registered and understood his feelings towards the cold man for a short amount of time, Allen had never felt a love for anyone as deep as this, and had never felt the searing hot desire to have every single inch of their physical and mental self selfishly all to himself, and had never felt so sure of anything else in his life, not including the want to save all Akuma. He wanted to put all of his unfinished thoughts into words right there and then, but knew that if he did then that would prolong their lead-up to their slow-dance which they still hadn't started. "And… I think that… I…" he sighed and looked up at the ceiling in annoyance; he wanted to say those three words to Kanda so incredibly badly, feeling entirely sure that he meant them with all of his heart, and hoped that the Japanese man did as well. "Kanda, I think that…" he looked back at his love and blinked helplessly, desperately wishing that the man would be able to mind-read what he was thinking so loudly within his mind, "this may be a bit soon and a bit random, but I need to say that… I…"

"I love you, Allen." He knew what the boy was trying to say, and chose to beat him to saying it first. Kanda meant every one of those one syllable words when he whispered them quietly into Allen's ear as he, at last, began to sway in time to the music that was still playing loudly. Allen recognised the movement and followed suit, moving his feet slowly and carefully so that he avoided stepping on the Japanese man's toes. "I love you more than I ever thought possible." As Allen inhaled sharply, Kanda kissed the line of his jaw gently, slowly trailing small light kisses down the teenager's neck until a soft moan escaped his lips unwillingly.

"You said my real name, Kanda…" he murmured, sliding his hand into the man's long hair and playing with it absent-mindedly, "What happened to not wanting people to see us? There's people everywhere, and we'll get noticed in a second or two…"

"Che, I realised that doing whatever the fuck I want is far more important than giving a damn about what these guys think," Kanda said truthfully, running his tongue up Allen's neck until he reached the base of his ear, which he bit lightly; Allen squeaked as he felt the teeth enclose on the small piece of flesh. "And that's simply because I love you."

Allen let go of Kanda's hand and released his hair from his grasp, then draped his arms around the back of the Japanese man's head as said man continued to caress his love's neck with his tongue and lips, nipping the skin occasionally to make Allen either gasp or moan quietly depending on how hard he bit. Kanda wound his arms around the boy's back and gripped the back of his shirt in a similar way to how he had done a few hours ago as they had sat on the bed together. "And I… love you too…" Allen mumbled, feeling his ever-present blush grow stronger on his features, "But really, that doesn't mean that you can molest me in public…"

"I'm making a chance."

"And you're also managing to almost dance at the same time. I'm impressed."

"Is it a turn on to be molested in public while dancing?" Kanda pulled away from Allen and admired his work on the pale skin – faint teeth marks could easily be seen as well as a hint of light purple bruising beginning to form. Plus little beads of blood. _'What a strange question to ask the Moyashi,' _Kanda thought as he saw the look on Allen's face that clearly said that he was thinking the same thing.

"Not really," Allen said honestly, "but what you were just doing to me sure as hell was. I might have to let you take me upstairs with you right now, rather than waiting for this party-thing to end."

"Che. We've only been here for half an hour." Kanda contradicted what his mind was screaming at the top of it's voice.

"So that's a no?"

"It's a 'what the fuck are we waiting here for', Baka." And now he actually said what was on his mind, but didn't give the reasons behind it. His almost blinding love and lust for the white haired exorcist was consuming his rational and cold side, pushing aside his usual personality and replacing it with a person who wanted to do things that normal couples did. Kanda scared himself a little with his words, but did not regret them in the slightest; to him, this was no longer considered as moving fast, since he'd adored the Bean Sprout for too long to easily remember. He only hoped that Allen really felt the same way as he did at that moment.

Allen placed a wet kiss on Kanda's lips and let go of him, taking up his hand instead and tugging at it a little. "I don't think anyone will be happy with us if we start making out here," he reasoned, wanting to just leap on the man and molest him right there, "so let's go somewhere more private, before I do something stupid."

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"Miranda, I feel sick."

"Well, that may be because you've eaten more in these few minutes than you usually do in a week, Lavi."

"She's got a point, Lavi… maybe you should slow down."

Lavi looked at Miranda and Lenalee, who he was currently standing with while balancing a huge plate of food in his left hand as he ate with his right. In the short time since he'd located Miranda in the crowd (she had been standing alone at the back of the room, looking lost), Lenalee had joined them after her brother had burst into tears on her shoulder during their time dancing, claiming that this was the happiest day of his life so far; the Chinese girl had sat him down in a chair far away from the dance floor and given him a glass of water before leaving him in Reever's care to look after. "Yeah, well I know it's not due to the amount of food I've eaten, which was all done for a good reason I'll have you know." Lavi argued with the two girls, feeling irate and furious due to something that he'd just witnessed; he knew it was unfair to take it out on them, but he couldn't help himself.

Miranda spoke up first, feeling more able to deal with Lavi's uncharacteristic behaviour than Lenalee did. "Why is it then?" She asked gently as the slow song that was being played changed into a racy fast-paced dance number, drawing more dancers to the floor, "What's happened, Lavi? Was it because Allen-kun and Kanda-san went off to dance? Because before, you didn't seem as upset about it as now… and seriously, put the food down, you'll regret it when you get indigestion."

As Lenalee took the plate from the redhead's hands, he jerked his head towards the doors, which they weren't too far away from, and spoke in a rough tone of voice that may have suited Kanda better. "I just saw _those two_ leave," he said bitterly, hunching his shoulders a little and scuffing his shoe on the floor in annoyance, "And they were trying to make it look discreet. No guesses where they're off to and what they're going to get up to while they're there."

Lenalee frowned at her tall friend, hoping dearly that he was wrong, and that if he wasn't then they wouldn't be going to Kanda's room; he would surely notice that the Lotus flower was missing, and she didn't feel like dealing with a very angry samurai just yet. "They wouldn't… do that, would they?" No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see either of them wanting to get so intimate so quickly, especially Kanda, "That's so unlike them."

"Heh," Lavi nearly laughed, "You don't really have any idea how much Yuu likes Allen, and I'm pretty sure that the kid feels just the same. It's not just a physical attraction between them – although I think that anyone who _doesn't _think Yuu is hot needs their head checked – because Yuu wouldn't have been so _different_ for so long if he just thought that Allen was hot, or cute, or whatever he thinks he is. He loves him." Lavi spat out the last three words as if he was chewing on a vile piece of mouldy bread; it pained him so much to think of Kanda being in love with anyone, and now that he knew what they were going to do, he couldn't get rid of the bad taste in his mouth along with the feeling of being sick whenever he tried to speak. That was why he had began eating as much as possible as quickly as possible, so that he had something physical to distract him from his thoughts – unfortunately, it had not been as effective as he had first thought it would be.

"Should we follow them and try to stop them?" Miranda asked, slipping her hand into Lavi's and squeezing his fingers tightly; the apprentice Bookman responded to the increase in pressure to his digits by squeezing back, thankful for the gesture of comfort, "It might be a bit awkward, but if Lavi really doesn't want them too…"

"No," Lavi interjected, slightly shocked that the German woman had even suggested such a thing, "I promised Yuu that I wouldn't interfere with their relationship if they ever got together, which they have. I've gotta keep my promise to him." Both of the girls looked at him uncertainly, clearly wanting to say something but neither wanting to go first. "I do," the redhead said more firmly, looking first at Miranda and then Lenalee, "I try my best not to break promises, no matter how much the promise may break me."

He fell silent then and hung his head, the very picture of despair; the only sign that Miranda got to prove that he hadn't died standing up and that he was alive was when he started unconsciously rubbing little circles on her hand with his thumb. She looked at the side of his face worriedly, willing for him to tell her how she could make it all better for him. He never did.

Lenalee's eyes darted back to the door, wondering if Lavi's assumptions were true about the newly formed couple. "I still don't understand how someone like you could love someone like him…" she mumbled to herself as Lavi inhaled deeply and then sighed loudly, causing a couple of people around them to look at him curiously.

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The solid wooden door that hid Allen's room from the rest of the Order banged open loudly, echoing in the small room within as the pair of exorcists entered silently, the taller being led by the shorter using his hand. They had opted for Allen's room since it had been the first one they had reached, and also Kanda's room was rather close to Lavi's – if the redhead returned early that night and overheard anything, then neither of them would be able to face him the morning after. Kanda kicked the door shut with his heel, using enough force to cause it to click shut, then looked at Allen, feeling a little unsure about what he should do now; downstairs, surrounded by masses of people, he had been so sure about wanting to lead, wanting to be the _seme_, but now that they were alone and their decision was fast becoming a reality he wasn't entirely sure if he could do such things with the person he'd just confessed to loving. Of course, he _wanted _to, but wanting to do something so intimate and actually doing it were two completely different things.

Allen blinked at Kanda as he stood, facing his internal struggle; the boy pushed himself up onto tiptoes and kissed the Japanese man hard on the lips, willing him to calm down and kiss him back as Kanda did not respond. Allen could tell by the way that Kanda didn't move and didn't wrap his arms around him that he was beginning to question whether it was right to go ahead and do what they both wanted.

"Why won't you kiss me back, Kanda?" Allen asked, holding onto the man by his shoulders and looking into his dark eyes, "Is everything alright? Or is it because it's too dark in here and you can't see me?" That was true – now that the door was closed, the room had fallen into a near pitch-black state, since neither had thought to turn a light on; both of the exorcists could only just make out each other's faces through the darkness. Kanda made a sound of recognition in the back of his throat and moved to turn on the light, but Allen stopped him by holding him in his place firmly. "Leave the lights off, please," he said quietly, keeping his eye contact steady as the dark haired man looked at him questionably.

"But what you just said… I can't see you all that well." Kanda said truthfully, still not touching Allen as he held onto him.

Kanda only just saw the way the white haired boy raised his eyebrow at him and the way he smiled alluringly, "It'll be better this way, I think."

The older man tilted his head to one side in a confused manner, "How so?" Surely, seeing each other's faces would be a whole lot better than just listening to sounds in the darkness, although that in itself wouldn't be a bad thing, to be honest.

Allen sighed lightly, tickling Kanda's collarbone with his breath as he did, "Never mind…" he said, "But if you want to do this, then you're failing to turn me on at the moment with the way you're acting."

"Che. Well sorry."

"Kanda, do you really want to do this?"

Kanda frowned at his love, the sides of his mouth turning down as his brow furrowed, "Don't be stupid, Moyashi-chan. If I didn't want to, then I wouldn't be here." Yes, that was right: he did want this. He did want to actually do it rather than just think about it relentlessly. Previous apprehensions faded slowly from his mind like a mist clearing to allow the sun to shine through as he looked at what he could see of Allen – everything he wanted was there before him once again, expectant and waiting for him to act. Even the annoying thoughts of his Lotus wilting more today than any other day and thoughts of Lavi left his brain quickly as he tucked a hand behind the base of Allen's skull and let the other drift slowly down his spine in slow, lazy circles. "And please, don't treat me like a girl; I'm the one leading here."

Allen shivered with pleasure as he felt the Japanese exorcist's hand travel further down his back, but he still managed to indignantly answer regardless, "I'm not treating you like a girl, BaKanda."

"Che. You were asking me if I really wanted to do this, weren't you?" Now that he was touching the boy, Kanda couldn't just stop with just stroking his back and feeling the baby-fine hairs on the back of his neck innocently – continuing with what he had started while they were present at the party, he kissed both of Allen's cheeks gently before slowly licking his left ear from the base to the top; he took great delight in feeling his love physically shiver again as a quiet whimper issued from his slightly parted lips, adding to the man's now rapidly growing lust for him whether it was intentional or not.

"Yeah, but I never meant for it to sound like-- K-Kanda, don't, that tickles," Allen moaned into his lover's neck as he felt his tongue trace over the sensitive skin behind his ear, "that place is a really… _jeez_… a really sensitive spot…"

Kanda buried his face into the snow-white hair around him, kissing the exposed neck underneath lightly, "Never had you down as an ear-person, Moyashi-chan," he said with a hint of a smile, nipping the skin beneath his lips to make Allen gasp, "but that's fine; I want to find all of your little turn-on points eventually."

Allen's eyes drifted away from the dark hair that he was focusing on and moved gradually to the bed that stood next to the wall, crying out to be used. Not wanting to disappoint the furniture as it blatantly called out to him, the boy took a step away from Kanda without warning, smiling visibly at the expression of shock and annoyance that was similar to the look a child would give a parent if they took away a particularly delicious treat from them. "I hope you will as well," he said, his eyes twinkling like diamonds as he backed away slowly, "But first, let's sit down; I can't rape you if we're standing up."

"Che. You can't rape me even if we use the bed, Moyashi-chan," Kanda smiled a little, understanding why his love was leaving him at last, "rape means to have sex with someone against their will, and I want it. And," he added, taking hold of the shorter boy's wrists as he closed the space between them; he pushed him backwards almost roughly until the backs of Allen's knees hit the bed, making him fall down into a sitting position, "You'll be receiving, not giving. Alright?"

Allen grinned as Kanda pinned his knees between his legs, standing over his Bean Sprout in a way that proved that he was totally in control. "Do I have a choice in the matter?"

"No, you don't." The man said, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders and leaning down for a kiss; he missed his target in the dark and got Allen's nose instead. Blushing at his mistake and hoping that his love thought that that kiss had been intentional, he pulled back and kissed him properly on the mouth, leaning into Allen until their upper bodies were touching. Taking care not to break the kiss, Kanda pushed the younger exorcist gently but firmly by the shoulders backwards, shifting his knees as he did so that they were either side of Allen's legs. Allen allowed access to his mouth as he slightly parted his lips to his love's tongue, taking a hold of the Japanese man's muscular sides as he did, holding on tightly.

As their kiss became deeper and more rough, the cursed boy moaned softly as he felt Kanda's fingers unbutton his shirt so fast that he was sure all of the buttons had been ripped off rather than undone and trail down his chest at a tantalisingly slow pace, pausing every now and then to earn a whimper of impatience, before carrying on downwards over the warm pale skin. Allen dug his nails into the black shirt that Kanda was wearing, feeling ribs beneath it, and pulled the exorcist down further, grounding their bodies together, feeling the intense heat between them rise dramatically. As Kanda tugged at his shirt to try and remove it from his body, Allen had to let go of his love and pause the kiss momentarily to slide his arms out of the material, discarding it to his side, before he could settle his hands back on his property. _'No, wait,' _he scolded himself, meeting Kanda's lips again as they came back down hungrily after their second apart, _'He's not mine – I'm his. I'm his… what's the word?'_ Allen frowned as he searched for the correct word, turning his head away from the man as he thought. "Bitch?" he said out loud, breaking the kiss as he did.

"That's not a nice thing to call me, Moyashi-chan," Kanda said in a whisper, his voice almost dangerous, his eyes glinting in what little light was present; he was not amused at having their time ruined by the boy below him speaking such random insults.

"Ahh, no," Allen said, pleading at Kanda with his eyes, hoping that he would see the expression, "I didn't mean you – I was trying to think of the right word for something." But Kanda had already stopped listening. Grunting a little to show that he was pretending to listen to what Allen was saying, he moved lower down the boy's body with light, tiny kisses, pausing at his left nipple and enclosing his teeth around the erect end – Allen inhaled sharply and pulled at Kanda's shirt collar, squeezing his eyes shut as his hips lifted involuntarily to meet the other exorcist's briefly before falling back onto the bed. He moaned softly into the long dark hair that fell onto his face as his lover's lips sucked at the flesh between his teeth, and he reached out a hand to the white hair tie that beckoned him, yanking it out with one easy movement as he whimpered again, this time because he felt Kanda's tongue flicker over his nipple before sucking again lightly, filling the room with quiet noises. "K-Kanda," Allen said, a little breathlessly, "you're seriously good… with your… your tongue…" He trailed his hands down the man's face and down his neck, voyaging along the muscular body until he reached the shirt; as quickly as he could, Allen began undoing the offensive shirt that separated his torso from Kanda's so selfishly, and hastily pulled it off when he'd finished with the final button.

Sitting up on his knees so that he was straddling the shorter exorcist across the hips, Kanda flicked back his long hair to get it out of the way and licked his lips, getting rid of any saliva that remained there; looking down at Allen now, he could just make out the enormous blush that covered his face, and could see the way that his eyes were partially glazed over in lust. Seeing the expression that he'd longed to see for such a long time, Kanda couldn't help himself when he slipped a finger under Allen's beltline, pulling the garment up a little. "Heh, you're as hard as a rock, Moyashi-chan," he said in a teasing tone, unbuckling the belt slowly, pulling it out of the trouser-loops until it was free of it's wearer – the belt was thrown to the floor with a rather loud thunk.

Allen visibly turned a shade darker as he blinked up at Kanda, "W- of course I am!" he protested weakly, also sitting up a little to start working on the Japanese man's own belt with furious fingers, "who in their right mind wouldn't be? And besides, you are as well." The belt was flung aside, joining its companion on the floor, as Allen unzipped the garment that it had been holding up. He was stopped before he could get anywhere by Kanda's hands laying on top of his own, pushing them away. The man got off of Allen's hips and climbed off the bed with utmost grace and speed, standing before his lover.

"I told you, didn't I," Kanda said, a hungry half-smile on his lips now, "I'm leading this dance. Don't try and take control." With control and speed that could have been matched to that of an expert, Kanda had pulled Allen's remaining clothes off his body; his own were discarded also before the boy had a chance to feel shy about being completely nude in front of the person he loved. Surprisingly, the Japanese man felt no embarrassment, no sudden want to put his clothes back on and hide, as he felt Allen's eyes caress his body in rapid movements, opening his mouth every now and then, trying to put his feelings into words. All he wanted was his Bean Sprout. "Now, listen to what I want you to do."

"If this gets kinky, then I'll be shocked," Allen said with a shy smile. His embarrassment faded and ebbed away slowly as he comprehended what was probably going to come next, or what was going to follow after a great deal more foreplay.

"Che," Kanda said, lifting an eyebrow, "Not just yet. First, go up onto your knees." Allen, feeling a little confused, did as he was asked, kneeling up on the soft mattress. "Now, turn around." Again, the white haired teen did as he was told, and faced the wall, wondering for a split second if Kanda was just leading him on and planned to round in a group of people to laugh at him while his back was turned.

_'No'_, Allen told himself sternly, '_he wouldn't do that because he loves you. And you love him.'_

Allen felt the bed dip down as Kanda's left knee came into contact with it behind him; cold hands wrapped themselves around the bare skin of his body as the Japanese exorcist came closer behind him, edging his knees in-between Allen's and practically pulling him onto his lap. "Now," Kanda whispered into his ear, holding the boy loosely round the middle as he shivered lightly at the warm breath that cascaded over the side of his face, "Lean forwards and put your hands on the wall, Allen. You're going to get fucked into tomorrow."

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**PLEASE REVIEW! Let me know how I did! I want to improve and make it so much more smexy X3 And and if you do review, please-oh-please be kind! I know everyone has been so far, but I thought I'd say it this time XD oh, and has everyone been getting their replies to their reviews from me? I try to reply to everyone :3 \cuddles/**


	13. Revelations

**Triangle Chapter 13**

**OMIGOSH! This ficcy lives! D: I am SO sorry for not updating as quickly as I usually do! I really am sorry Q___Q I've had a lot of rl things going on as well as bad internet for several days, and I also procrastinated for four days to watch Shakugan no Shana... I wish I could have updated sooner T-T I'm sorry... but anyways, here's the new chapter! Some lovely plot development as well as KandaxAllen goodness ;D and to those who were asking about whether there'll be anymore LaviYuu - yes, I'd like to put some more of that in :3 it might take a little while to get here, but... there'll be some. I'm pretty sure there will be. And I don't know if you guys can see it yet, but the ending is in sight! D: might even get this wrapped up before christmas... wow XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the series DGM. But, I do own the 2009 calender that I bought today XD woo!**

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Groaning a little as he rubbed a closed eye with the back of his left hand, Kanda gradually, slowly, began to realise that he had not fallen asleep last night in his own bed, and now he was also sharing the unknown bed with someone else who was snoring lightly in his sleep, while bright sunlight streamed into the room through the gap in the drawn curtains. The unknown person also had his arms around the man's middle, keeping him close, while Kanda held him around the shoulders. Opening his eyes slowly, his mind temporarily devoid of memories from the night before, the samurai gaped in shock as he saw Allen lying beside him, cuddling into his chest almost similar to how a child might do so to a parent after having a nightmare. The Bean Sprout was smiling in his sleep, his white hair sticking up at random angles at the back while at the front parts of it stuck to his cheek due to him drooling over it: he was the very image of peace there in the Japanese man's arms. Kanda blinked at Allen's sleeping face several times, wondering how he had ended up there instead of being alone in his own dark room; what kind of miracle had been performed last night?

And then, he remembered everything at incredible speed as Allen grunted into his collarbone and shuffled closer to the warm body he was embracing: the party downstairs where he'd told Allen that he loved him, coming back up here after trying to discreetly leave, telling the boy that he was leading, and then-- Kanda blushed lightly as he recalled having sex with Allen and inhaled sharply, trying to hold back the large out-of-character shout of joy that was building up at the back of his throat. Instead, he hugged the white haired boy tighter, pulling him in closer and hooking a leg around one of his, eventually tangling the limbs up together. Gently, he placed a kiss on Allen's forehead and buried his face into the fluffy white hair in front of him.

Allen's eyes fluttered open at the contact and he blinked slowly at Kanda's collarbone, too sleepy to comprehend what it was, and closed his eyes again as he dismissed it as something that wasn't really there. The silver lashes flew apart a second time as Kanda kissed his forehead again, trying to wake him up properly this time; Allen pulled away enough to be able to see his lover's face and smiled widely as he realised what was going on.

"So it was you I saw then," he said sleepily, his voice thick as he stifled an immense yawn. Kanda raised an eyebrow in question to his words, so the boy elaborated for him, "I saw you when I opened my eyes, but I thought I was dreaming." He moved closer again and cuddled into Kanda, the top of his head resting on the man's jaw bone, "I'm so glad I wasn't, though."

"Che. When I woke up a moment ago, I'd forgotten why I was here and what had happened," Kanda said in a low voice, his breath making Allen's hair flutter a little as he spoke, "but thank god I remembered." Strangely, even though he had confessed to the boy the day before, he still couldn't say that he was also glad that the sight in front of him was not nothing more than a dream.

Allen went a pale shade of pink as he thought about the night before; had he really done that? Had he really been so submissive and let Kanda do as he'd wanted to him? Not that he was complaining – he had, in short, loved it. Smiling slightly, he kissed the exorcist's neck lightly, repeating the action once again when he felt Kanda shiver against the touch; he enjoyed the subtle reaction he received from his love. "Hm…" he sighed into the skin beneath his lips, "it's strange for you to forget something like that, isn't it." It was a rhetorical question, so he wasn't surprised when Kanda didn't respond to him, "Oh, and I don't know if you knew this, but your feet are really cold."

"I know," Kanda grunted, "that's why I'm warming them up on your legs, Moyashi-chan." Allen had been right – it _was_ strange for him to forget something that important, even if it had only been for a couple of seconds. Kanda dismissed it with a slight shake of his head as a lack of sleep and tiredness.

"That's cruel, BaKanda," the British boy pouted and leaned away ever so slightly, using his insulting nickname for the man even though he wasn't offended in the slightest by the name 'Moyashi-chan', "Now I'm getting cold too. Keep your poor circulation to yourself." He gasped quietly as Kanda laid a palm on his cheek gently, getting the tips of his fingers lost in the white hair, "And that includes your hands too; they're freezing."

"Che," the older man said, running the index finger of his free hand along the cursed boy's lower lip, "that isn't what you said last night, is it?"

"Your hands weren't cold then," Allen mumbled, suddenly blushing again as Kanda's hand travelled backwards into his hair and came to rest at the base of his skull, tilting his head up so that he was made to look into those deep dark eyes, "they were nice and warm last night..."

The Japanese man kissed the boy on the lips softly, paying no heed to the little moan of protest that he received upon doing so, knowing that Allen did actually want the contact. Allen gave up after very little persuasion from his lover and parted his lips for him when he felt Kanda's tongue run over his bottom lip, silently asking for access.

'_He gives in to what I want too easily,' _Kanda thought as he brushed against Allen's teeth with his tongue, searching for anything he'd missed yesterday, _'I had him down as more of a controlling person. Like yesterday, when he kissed me those first two times and told me I had to make a chance – did I go too far? Did I overuse that 'chance'? Did he want to go all the way so soon, or was that just…' _

The British boy allowed his eyes to close slowly as Kanda's opened, wanting to see the perfectly gorgeous expression on the face of the person he loved before he had to end the kiss so soon after it had started – it wasn't like he wanted to (since it had been him who'd both started and deepened it); he just knew that if it carried on at this pace then he wouldn't get the chance to ask the question that was bothering him currently.

Kanda pulled out of the kiss when he felt Allen's fingers slip back under the duvet subtly and begin to trail down the side of his body at an agonisingly slow pace, coming at a rest on his hip when their lips broke their contact. Kanda wanted the boy's hand to continue on its voyage down his skin but resisted greatly, knowing that if the kiss didn't put him off, then that certainly would.

"Why'd you stop?" Allen said, the pout back on his now slightly swollen lips as he blinked in an almost angry way at the dark haired exorcist, "I was in the process of feeling you up, in case you weren't aware."

Kanda attempted to smile, but instead something closer to a smirk placed itself on his features as he spoke, making it appear as though he'd gained some kind of victory, "Che, I was well aware, don't you worry."

Allen teasingly pinched the toned body under his fingers, showing that he was slightly annoyed at being stopped, choosing that option over trying to tickle the samurai; somehow, Kanda didn't come across as the ticklish type. "Well, if you were aware of it, why did you stop? If I'd been allowed to continue, I might have ended up raping you, Kanda-chan." No matter how much he loved him, and no matter how much he knew Kanda loved him, Allen had enough sense to not call the man by his first name - not just yet, at least.

"Che. Can't rape the willing."

"Oh?" Allen grinned as Kanda propped himself up on his elbow, his cheek resting in his palm, looking at his lover intently as he remained lying on the pillow, "is that so?"

"It is so."

"Why'd you stop, then?"

"Because…" Kanda looked away, sighed lightly, and then looked back; he was sure he already knew the answer to the question he wanted to ask, but had to make sure either way. "I want to make sure you… don't regret anything. About last night." As he said the words, the samurai couldn't help but scowl at the boy even though he'd done nothing to deserve such a glare – Kanda was just apprehensive of any possible repercussions that may come with asking the question. Allen's eyes became perfectly round for a second or two as he looked at the man; untangling his legs from his lover's, he then sat up next to him, pulling the duvet up to his chest after realising that he was completely naked – and so was Kanda – and shivered as the warm blanket stopped covering his shoulders. "Well, do you?" Kanda asked in a harsh tone, his worries mounting with each second that passed without a response from the boy.

"No." Came the flat out and clear reply after Allen has spent a few seconds staring at the exorcist straight in the eyes, gaze unfaltering and piercing. Kanda visibly looked calmer and more at ease as the British boy said this, but tried to cover up his obvious feelings by brushing a few strands of stray hair over his shoulder – _'he really should have kept it tied up,' _Allen thought as he looked at the Japanese man. "Why do you even need to ask that question? Do you not trust me?" Allen said this softly, his face relaxing into a small, slightly sad smile as he wiggled his toes back across the bed towards the body beside his, watching the digits make little bumps in the duvet briefly before he turned his attention back to Kanda.

"Che, its not like that," the man grunted, carefully eyeing the toes that were journeying back over to him, "You might have felt pressured into it, or you might have just been caught in the moment, or-"

"Kanda," Allen interrupted gently, "you could never pressure me into doing anything, no matter how much you glare and che at me." His toes met the shins of Kanda's long bare legs and brushed against them lightly; Kanda's free arm twitched to bat away them away, but as the boy continued to rub the digits lightly over the area, he round himself rather liking the contact and didn't attempt to remove them from himself. "And when I said I loved you I meant it; damn it man, I love you so much that I want every part of you, be it physically or emotionally. I want to know everything about you, and to do everything with you – even standing next to you makes me so happy that I feel dizzy, but also sad because I want to touch you rather than just look, but looking's ok too since it's better than nothing!"

"Moyashi-chan," Kanda said with a hint of a smile, "you're rambling now. I get your point – you don't regret it. That's a relief, really." He reached up to Allen's left shoulder and pulled him down backwards so that he was lying flat on his back now, head on the pillow beside Kanda's elbow, "But if you're expecting an emotional outburst from me that's similar to yours, then you really don't know me all that well."

Allen smiled up at the man, the adrenalin starting to slow down in his veins after reacting to the shock of finding himself falling backwards, "I don't expect anything of the sort, and if I said that it'd be nice if you did then it wouldn't be you that I love."

Sitting up a little himself now, Kanda couldn't help himself; he shuffled a little closer and leaned over Allen, placing a palm either side of his white-haired head and keeping his body low so that it was nearly touching the boy's own naked torso. Long dark hair tumbled down over the Japanese man's shoulders and created a shiny curtain around their faces, hiding them from the view of the sun-filled room, as Allen reached up and laced his fingers together at the nape of Kanda's neck in response to finding himself with a very good-looking replacement for his duvet. Kanda licked his lips before speaking quietly, "Che, good. Because even if you did, you still wouldn't get it, no matter what I feel for you." Allen smiled and hummed a small sigh, catching his lover's bangs in the draft.

"Still though," he said, his eyes betraying a look of faint guilt, "it would be kind of nice if you were a little more… I don't know – friendly, maybe? No, I don't mean to be offensive," he added quickly as he saw the cloud of a glare move in over Kanda's features, "it's just, you know, we're together now, and yet we're still a bit mean to each other, and to be honest it's you who starts it most of the time Kanda…"

"Che. That's just how I am with people, Moyashi-chan."

"I know! And that's fine – I'm fine with that because it doesn't bother me. But, when we're… like this… y'know, all intimate and whatever and you're all over me and we're naked… well, it would be nicer to act a bit friendlier to each other." Allen laughed slightly at the end of his sentence, misreading the expression the man above him was pulling to be one of annoyance. How he managed to interpret the look of adoration for the boy into being a stare of negativity was quite beyond comprehension.

"If it bothers you that much, Moyashi-chan, then I'll make a special effort _just_ for you," Kanda said, shifting his weight onto just his left arm so that he could stroke his lover's face with the fingers of his right hand gently, "but don't say anything to that Baka-Usagi. He'll think I've gone soft in old age." No persuasion, no pleading, and no begging was needed to make Kanda comply to such a request. At the back of his mind, he questioned whether or not it was Allen's influence that was making him more like this – either way, it was a good alteration to his personality.

"You're eighteen, silly, you're not old," Allen's mood dipped slightly at the mention of Lavi's cruel nickname – of course, he still loved his friend very much, but at the moment Allen didn't like to think of him too often in case he got jealous and possessive of Kanda.

"Che, that'll be his stupid reasoning."

"Yeah…"

"Moyashi-chan?"

"Hm? Oh, it's nothing. Thank you for making a 'special effort' for me," Allen smiled widely and locked away all thoughts of his red-haired friend as quickly as he could, wanting to return to his Kanda-only state of mind. Nothing else was important to him at that moment in time, when he had the person he loved just centimetres above him, stroking his cheek and silently asking to be consoled about their relationship. That was one thing that Allen was beginning to understand about his Japanese lover – if he wanted to be close to Allen, then he wouldn't dither over the idea of initiating contact, he would just go ahead and do as he pleased so long as he was pretty much certain that the British boy wanted it too and they weren't in public, or at least in a situation where they weren't likely to be noticed. In less than 24 hours of actually being together properly, Allen couldn't help but feel as though he was learning things about the exorcist at an alarmingly fast pace, considering how cold and distant he usually was. _'Maybe I'm just really observant,' _the boy thought, pulling Kanda down towards him so that he could kiss him gently but firmly on the lips, continuing the one that hadn't lasted long enough just a little bit earlier. _'I love this man.'_

Kanda didn't get a chance to say 'you're welcome' to his lover, and wasn't able to tell him that he loved him once again. Not that he cared too much; if Allen wanted to kiss right now, then heck, let him take control for a couple of minutes. He could say what he wanted to later on, at a better time.

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Lenalee's legs wobbled slightly on the spot she stood on, crying out in pain to their owner as they begged to have rest after spending the entire of last night dancing and not sitting down. The Chinese girl gritted her teeth as she forced herself to remain upright and knocked on the door to her brother's office once again in an impatient fashion – waiting for him to respond from inside while she was being supported by two still-weak Innocence-less legs was not her idea of entertainment, and she couldn't imagine what could be keeping Komui so busy that he didn't hear her knocking.

'_Maybe he really did die from all that paperwork,' _Lenalee mused silently, sighing quietly and tutting under her breath, _'or maybe he got far too drunk last night with Reever. I have a retard for a Nii-san.' _She immediately felt a pang of guilt as that thought crossed her mind – sure, Komui had his moments where he behaved like he had only a severely limited number of brain cells, but his sister truthfully knew how amazing he really was and hated to contradict that knowledge too often without cause.

She rapped her knuckles on the door once more, calling out "Nii-san, if you don't hurry up and answer me then I'll have to come in whether you want me to or not!" In her arms she cradled the Lotus flower within the sand timer that belonged to Kanda, regretting taking it without his permission just a little bit. Firmly reminding herself that she was doing it for her friend's benefit rather than to quell her curiosity, the female exorcist gave up waiting and opened the door with a little difficulty as her legs threatened to give way below her.

The Supervisor looked up at his sister as she entered the room with the loud bang of the door hitting the wall behind it with considerable force; he looked genuinely surprised to see her standing there, clutching the glass object in her arms and her legs trembling considerably. On the sofa opposite the huge wooden desk sat Lavi, his arms resting over the top of the furniture and looking completely relaxed, which meant that he was only in there for a chat rather than for work-related business. Or he could have been there for work but had decided to procrastinate and gossip instead; either way, Lenalee didn't really care about his reason to being there.

"What's the matter, Lenalee?" Komui asked in a concerned voice as the Chinese girl slowly and carefully stepped over to the sofa and sank down onto it upon reaching her destination, smiling at Lavi as he grinned at her, "why'd you throw the door open like that? Are you angry with something?"

"No," Lenalee said, rubbing her left knee tenderly as the joint relaxed into the sitting position gratefully, "not particularly. Did you not hear me knocking for the last ten minutes?" Komui's look of surprise and the way Lavi's eye widened was enough to confirm that they hadn't. Lenalee sighed, "Guess not, then. But how could you have not heard that? I was really hammering away there."

"We were talking, y'know," Lavi said as his shocked expression disappeared and his grin reformed, "so guess we didn't hear ya over our chatting."

"Gossip? Or serious talking?" Lenalee raised an eyebrow at her brother – did she really need to ask this question when the answer was so obvious?

Komui coughed into his hand and straightened his hat, even though he didn't need to, "Lavi-kun wanted to discuss something with me," he said honestly, although he avoided eye contact as much as possible, "and… well, I guess it _could _be considered as something to do with work, if you think of it in one way…"

Lenalee looked at the redhead now, blinking at him in a way that showed she was interested in what they had been so involved in talking about to even turn deaf to her profuse knocking. It was Lavi's turn now to act suspiciously, "Heh, Lenalee, it's not really that important, to be honest, I just wanted to hear Komui's opinion."

"Without Miranda-san?" The exorcist observed, bringing up the fact that she found it strange for Lavi to be seen without being in the company of the German woman.

"Yes, without Miranda," he replied, "she's tired, so I didn't disturb her. And _don't _look at me like that, I know she is because I peaked in on her before coming here, not for any other reason that you're thinking of."

"Well, Miranda-san _is_ pretty, it must be difficult for you to resist her sometimes…"

"I don't need to resist nothin'. I don't like her that way."

"You know, Lavi, you just said a double negative, so you contradicted yourself there."

"Huh? I did?"

"Yes."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. What matters is I don't like Miranda like that – I like Yuu-chan."

"Ah, that's right. But he's with Allen-kun, isn't h-"

"_Don't rub it in._"

Komui clapped his hands together loudly to bring a stop to the bickering that was sure to turn nasty any second now; Lenalee looked at the Lotus in her hands, feeling a little ashamed at reminding Lavi that the person he loved was currently in bed with his friend. She hadn't meant to bring that up – it had just come out without her intending to say it. "Sorry, Lavi," she murmured, looking at him from the corner of her pretty long-lashed eyes, "I didn't mean to-"

Lavi shrugged, not looking all that angry; on the contrary, he looked just as at ease as he had done when she'd entered the room. "It's ok. Just, don't remind me. Not at the moment, anyway." Lenalee nodded hurriedly, trying to show that she was indeed sorry.

Komui spoke up, trying to change the subject while wondering how the teenagers had reached such a topic so quickly, "Lenalee, is there a reason why you came here? Or did you just want to see me?" Secretly, he hoped that it was the latter case, as he really did miss just spending time together with his beloved younger sister.

"Ah, yes," Lenalee started, blushing slightly at getting side-tracked, "it's this thing of Kanda's." She held up the item in her hands high enough for her brother to see what she was talking about, and received a response unlike what she had imagined she would get; Komui's mouth opened to form an expression of shock as well as unexplainable incomprehension as he gaped at the little flower, blinking more rapidly than he usually would have done when observing any other flower like it. Lavi looked at it also but didn't behave in the same way as the scientist did – instead, he just snickered as he thought of Kanda having something as pretty as that in his room. "It's not this so much that bothered me, it's the way Kanda acted when I saw that it was wilting a lot… Nii-san? Is there something wrong?" she asked as Komui stood up from his chair and crossed over to stand just in front of the two exorcists, looking serious. Lenalee hadn't seen him look like that for a very, very long time, and it frightened her, "It's just a flower," she tried to reason as Komui pushed his glasses further up his nose, "why're you looking at it like that?"

"Lavi-kun," Komui addressed the redhead, ignoring Lenalee's questions on purpose, "I need to ask you to leave now. I have to discuss this with Lenalee in private, if you don't mind."

Lavi raised his eyebrows in surprise and just looked at the man for a few seconds, wondering what could be so important about some flower Lenalee had found in Kanda's room. _'Must be important for him to be like that,' _the apprentice Bookman reasoned with himself, _'no matter how gay it seems.'_ He stood up heavily, stretching his arms out behind his head as if he'd just woken from a long and deep sleep; Komui tutted in impatience, trying to hurry up the exorcist without directly telling him to get the hell out of his office. "Where am I meant to go now?" Lavi asked at length, attempting to pull his fingerless gloves further up his hands but realised that he wasn't wearing them, "Miranda's dying in bed, Yuu and Allen are most probably in bed too, Krory's in the infirmary…"

"I don't know," Komui said, clearly thinking that Lavi was being an idiot for needing attention and people, "go and find Chaoji maybe?"

"Chaoji's _boring_," Lavi declared loudly, almost sounding as if he was whining, "he's not as interesting as the others."

Lenalee wanted to giggle at how her friend was behaving – it was so obvious that he wanted to try and let Komui stay there as he was becoming more and more curious about the flower in the glass. As she looked from Lavi to her brother and back again without turning her head, she wondered why Komui was letting her stay. Was it because she'd brought the flower to his attention? Was it because he trusted her? Was it because he just didn't want Lavi hanging around? Whatever the reason, Lenalee understood that the item was something of importance to both Kanda and to her brother, and wanted to find out why.

"Chaoji is not _boring_, Lavi," Komui said, frowning at him, "now stop acting like a child and leave."

Lavi frowned back at the scientist; he wanted to stay so badly! They were going to be discussing something about Kanda, so he had a right to know what it was.

Unfortunately, Komui didn't see it that way. With a nod of his head towards the door, he made it perfectly clear, again, that he wanted Lavi to leave. The redhead made a sound at the back of his throat that sounded similar to a growl and turned round, giving a quick wave of his hand to Lenalee before exiting at a rather slow pace. As he disappeared from view out of the room, Komui focused his attention solely on his younger sister once again.

"So," he said, holding out his hands to take the sand timer off the Chinese girl, "tell me again: why did you bring this here?"

Carefully, Lenalee handed over the delicate item to the man, noticing that yet another petal had fallen since she'd last seen the pretty flower; she dreaded to think how Kanda would react to it this time, "it's because of the way that Kanda acted when he saw that it was wilting and the petals were falling off. He… well, he kind of got really angry and told me to leave his room, so I did… don't you think it's strange?" She asked urgently; Komui's expression was dark and he was thinking hard, concentrating his vision on the flower as if wishing it would suddenly sprout more petals if he did so.

"No," he said slowly, not looking at her, "I don't think it's strange at all for him to behave like that. Well actually, yes I do; I would have expected him to get a lot more violent that what you said, but it's good he didn't… I don't know if it's a good idea to tell you about this, what this particular flower means to him."

Lenalee folded her arms and sat back into the sofa more comfortably, slightly aware that her hair no longer brushed her shoulders as she did so – how she missed her long hair. "I figured that it couldn't just be an ornament that he likes, even if that's how it appears. If it's that important then I think that I should know, and so should the others – if it's something that affects his life so much, then really we have a right to know such things about one of our comrades."

"It doesn't affect his life," Komui said in a hard tone, knowing that he was going to get killed by a certain samurai later for parting with this information; Lenalee was right and he was convinced in a second. They really did have a right to know this, "it completely controls it, Lenalee." He looked away from the flower at last and settled his eyes on hers, his eyebrows pulled down tightly over the bridge of his nose, "When all of these petals here fall off the main body of the flower, then that's it – his life is over. He will die."

Lenalee's eyes went completely round as she took in what she was being told so suddenly. Whatever she had imagined, it had not been anything even remotely close to this. Her hands slowly raised up to her face as they shook ever so slightly and they paused at her mouth to cover it in horror and disbelief; she tried to speak but no words came out as she opened and closed her mouth helplessly. Something as trivial-looking as that had complete control over her friend's life? If that little flower died then so did Kanda? It did not seem realistic to the female exorcist. Tears began forming in her eyes as she thought about it more, imagining how it must feel to be in Kanda's position.

"Ah, but please, don't misunderstand me," Komui said quickly, seeing that his dramatic declaration had not explained the situation fully, "this won't wilt like a regular flower, so Kanda-kun doesn't have the life-span of a plant." Lenalee chuckled a little at that. "It's quite a strange on, to be honest. Even I don't know much about it or why Kanda-kun is connected to it. He says that until he finds _that_ person, he won't die. Who _that_ person is no one knows, and to be honest, I don't think even he does, even though he's the one who says it. So, according to him, he shouldn't even be close to dying before he finds this _someone_. But this," he tapped the glass for added effect, "seems to be saying differently. It seems to think that it's time for Kanda-kun to stop. Its almost like Kanda-kun has found _that _person. But if you think about it," Komui raised an eyebrow at the flower in confusion as he talked himself into a mystery, "he hasn't met anyone knew; nothing new has happened to the guy. So I'm thinking that maybe, he's got it wrong. Maybe he _can_ die before he finds his person or whatever they are to him. Maybe-"

"For someone who doesn't want to talk about something," Lenalee interrupted loudly, bringing a halt to her brother's lengthy monologue as she recovered from her shock with every word that Komui spoke, "you sure can go on a bit. I thought that you couldn't tell me any of this?"

Komui smiled sheepishly at her, "And since when have I ever been able to keep anything secret from my cute little sister?" That much was true. If it had been anyone else sitting there on his sofa, then he would have never disclosed this much personal information about one of the exorcists to them. But since it was Lenalee, he really couldn't put a stop to his verbal flow of knowledge on the Japanese man.

Lenalee tried to smile back, but it looked more like a grimace. "If you want my input…"

"I do."

"Then I'd say that you're overlooking a very fundamental point, Nii-san. Kanda may not have met anyone new, but he has certainly found his person alright. Whether he means it in this sense or not I don't know, but there's no denying that he's got someone." Komui raised an eyebrow expectantly, waiting for her to conclude what she was thinking. "It's Allen-kun, Nii-san," she said as it is was plain as day (which it was), "He's found _Allen-kun_. He loves him, and now he's being loved back. That's what I mean, and maybe that's what this means," she pointed at the sand timer in the scientist's hands with her last words.

Komui could only look at his younger sister, his mouth slightly open, as he understood quickly what she meant. _'Kanda-kun meant finding the someone he loved. No, wait; finding the person who loves him as much as he loves them. Can something as beautiful as that really be killing him?' _The man cleared his throat loudly, straightening his hat once again even though, once again, he didn't need to, "That's a pretty grim way to die, if that's correct, Lenalee," he said quietly, "Is that why he's so cold to everyone usually? Because he knows that if he gets involved with anyone then he's at risk of dying?"

"No offence, but I don't think Kanda is clever enough to realise that, Nii-san…"

"Hmm… I don't know; regarding this, I think Kanda-kun probably put a lot of thought into it."

"But still, I think he'd still be like that to everyone even if his life _didn't_ depend on it."

"… I agree."

Lenalee smiled sadly at her brother as the joke passed over them like a heavy cloud, refusing to lighten the mood any longer. A part of her wished that she'd never found out her friend's attachment to the flower which she could no longer regard as pretty. Playing with a strand of hair now, she asked, "your conclusion?"

Komui dropped his gaze to the floor, which he noticed was in dire need of cleaning as soon as possible, and spoke in a low voice. "My conclusion… is that Allen-kun may well be killing Kanda-kun."

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Lavi stood with his back pressed up against the wall and barely dared to breathe as he heard the final sentence from the scientist. He bit his fist fiercely in an attempt to stop the body-racking sobs that he felt pushing up his throat, threatening to burst from his mouth and echo loudly in the corridor around him. He had heard everything; after leaving the room, the redhead had made sure to leave the door open enough to allow him to hear what the Lee siblings were discussing without them realising that he was doing so on purpose. And then he'd waited, listened, and understood. His beloved, his most loved person, was dying simply because he was allowing himself to be in love and to be loved by another. It was just too cruel.

Making up in his mind in a second, Lavi turned and walked as quickly as he could in the direction of Miranda's room, not caring that his friend was probably still exhausted, as the tears broke free and streamed down his cheek. Did Kanda know? Did he know that he was dying and what the cause was? The more he thought about it, the more Lavi became depressed and longed to cry on his German friend's shoulder like a child.

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"Kanda…?"

"Hm?"

"Do you like the length of your hair?"

The man shrugged, not paying very much attention to what his younger lover was saying from underneath him.

"I like it like this, it's easy to hold and pull, not to mention it – _ahh _– feels really nice in my hands."

Kanda smiled against Allen's skin, getting great pleasure from hearing the boy moan when he'd enclosed his teeth around the nub of his erect nipple. As he ran his tongue over the end of the soft pink flesh, he earned another whimper of bliss before Allen carried on talking as if nothing had happened.

"But if you'd like me to, then I could cut it for you, you know," he said in a matter of fact tone, playing with the long dark hair in his fingers, wondering what the samurai would look like if he had a haircut. "I'm quite good with hair – I cut Lenalee's once when we were on a mission because it got so long that she couldn't see properly."

"Che, right now I don't care how good you are with a pair of scissors, to be quite honest." Allen frowned at the top of his head and gave his hair a light tug, showing that he wasn't amused by that comment. Kanda halted what he was doing and looked up, one eyebrow raised, "What? I don't. At the moment, I'm far more interested in you, Moyashi-chan."

Allen's face broke into a slightly sadistic grin as he promptly decided that he didn't care about Kanda's lack of interest in what he was talking about. "Oh?" He asked, his silvery eyelashes fluttering in a flirtatious manner without making him look too feminine, if possible, "which part, exactly? Or is there no particular area?" He leant forward ever so slightly to meet his lover's lips as they reached up to his face, kissing them briefly before the man settled back to where he had been before.

"Well," he said in a serious way, concentrating on the area he had just been working on, "as I am now, it would have to be here, since you make such horny noises whenever I touch you here-"

"Only when you use your mouth," the boy added for clarification, unable to fight the blush on his already pink cheeks as he did so. Kanda didn't notice.

"But, if I were to go lower, I wonder what would happen…" Allen smiled and giggled as Kanda disappeared under the duvet, heading southward with a little trail of kisses down his lover's middle as he did.

'_If I had known sooner that Kanda, of all people, could be this loving and forward when with someone he actually likes,,' _Allen thought as he inhaled sharply from a kiss that included teeth-on-flesh action, _'then I would have never held back – I would have told him as soon as I'd figured myself out.' _His hands slid over the duvet too, coming to rest in the Japanese man's hair once more, "You know full well what will happen, Kanda," he said, almost laughing and feeling giddy, "those sounds I make will increase tenfold."

"Che, I didn't know that," came Kanda's slightly muffled reply from under the covers, "I haven't used my mouth down here yet."

"I know."

"Can I?"

"Since when do you ask for permission?"

There was a pause. Then – "Point taken."

Allen gaped openly at the lump in the duvet, quite aware of the way his arms were currently shivering despite being quite warm. Had he really just said that? He blinked several times, feeling unsure whether he was really comfortable with what he thought Kanda was about to do; even though they had had sex the night before and he really had liked it and quite enjoyed the idea of more with the person he loved, Allen still felt some slight apprehension now. Positive apprehension, though – god, he wanted it. But, what if he acted strangely? What if he did something that he wasn't supposed to do too soon?

Kanda resurfaced as the British boy thought deeply, not seeing the man in front of him even as he watched him, waiting for a movement or a word. None came. So Kanda spoke first. "Moyashi-chan," he said, causing the boy to jump and look at him and look attentive, "do you want me to do this? I mean, really. Because if you don't want it, then that's alright; I'll just continue up here."

Allen shook his head quickly, trying to show the exorcist that he wasn't having doubts, "As nice as it is to have you kiss and bite every inch of my chest, Kanda," he said, "I think that would be… better. But, don't you want me to do something back to you? So far, it's just been you molesting me the whole time – I think I should get a chance to make you make cute little noises as well."

"Che. I don't make _cute _noises, Baka."

"OK then, manly noises."

"And now you're just taking the piss."

"Yes, but you love it." Kanda sighed and rolled his eyes, but the small smile on his features was more than readable and it nullified his negative actions, "I'm going off topic now, aren't I?"

"You are, yes."

"Well then," the white haired boy smiled, "shall I shut up, give up, and just let Kanda Yuu do what he wants to so badly?"

"Che, if I didn't like you so much, I would-"

Both exorcists fell silent suddenly and turned their heads to look at the door in mild horror as a loud knocking sounded from the other side of it, bringing their attention to the person that was causing such a noise. "Allen-kun, Kanda," came Lenalee's voice, a little higher than what it usually was, "I know you're both in there, so don't pretend that Kanda's not there. Nii-san says he wants to speak to the both of you, so if you don't mind coming out and going to see him…" she trailed off, the reason as to why unknown. The boys looked at each other, neither knowing who felt more embarrassed at the moment, even though their female friend couldn't see them and had no idea what they were just about to do. "Guys?" Her voice called out again, "are you decent? Can I come in?" The handle of the door started to turn, signifying that she was going to come in regardless of whether they were or not.

"No!!" They both shouted, Allen throwing the pillow at the door and Kanda reaching for a Mugen that wasn't there. They heard Lenalee squeak and let go of the handle hurriedly.

"Alright!" She exclaimed; she sounded embarrassed now, "Just… hurry up, ok?!" As she turned to leave, she would have ran away back to the science lab if her legs would have supported her, but instead had to opt for hobbling away at a painfully slow pace. Damn Komui for sending her up there…

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**So, approx. 2000 words longer than last time to make up for the wait! Reviews are love and make me feel so much more confident! I've made it so that anons can review too (as you may have noticed) |D writing Yullen is HARD but FUN, so hopefully next chapter there'll be some smutty smexers? D: depends if I get embarrassed writing it or not ;D I'll do my best! Hope you liked it :3**


	14. Saying Goodbye

**Triangle Chapter 14**

**Hello everyone! I'm back! xD Well, after nearly a month without an update, I thought that the least I could do is give you all a longer than normal chapter :3 I hope you all like it and please forgive me if it's crap, I did most of this at college on a friend's laptop since I find it hard to write at home ;A; for the LaviYuu fans, you'll be -hopefully- liking the end of the chapter as I included some there :D also, I think I said there'd be smexers this chappie... well, there isn't -shot- but that's because I got to 7500 words and then realised that if I included the sex this chapter then it would have either made the chapter far too long, or would have been rushed and terribly written. So I think it'll be early next chapter :) hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM. If I did, then there would never be a lack of naked.**

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"So? What's so important that you need to get us down here so early in the morning?"

"Kanda-kun, it's already 11am…"

"Che, that's early on a day off."

"I thought you weren't a big sleeper, Kanda?"

"Oh, he is; you should hear him snore."

"Quiet, Moyashi-chan, I don't snore."

"Right, sure you don't. It was something else keeping me awake all night then, was it?"

"What?! You two slept in the same room?"

"You've got a problem with that, Komui?"

Despite only arriving in the paper-littered office a few minutes prior, Kanda had already managed to turn the conversation into an argument that was sure to turn nasty shortly if someone, probably Lenalee, didn't stop it quickly. The Japanese man resented the fact that his first chance at being with Allen completely uninterrupted had, in fact, been interrupted, and he was making it clear as day how he felt currently. Even though he constantly received glances and almost inaudible sighs from the Supervisor, he insisted on holding hands with the shorter British exorcist just to show the Chinese man that he was serious and that no amount of tutting or raising of eyebrows would make him hide his unexpected affection for Allen.

"No, not really," Komui said, leaning back in his chair and pushing his glasses higher up his nose for the hundredth time that morning, "It just came as a bit of a shock."

"Why's that?" Allen piped up; he had, until just now, been trying to coax his lover into releasing his hand from his grip so as to save himself from a certain impending blush that stained his pale cheeks a darker crimson with every motion of discomfort that was aimed his way. Now, however, he had at last given up and accepted the contact with a squeeze of his own digits, "Why's it so shocking, Komui-san?"

Komui clicked his tongue in mild annoyance at the white haired boy, wondering if he really was as dense as he had just come across to be, "For several reasons, Allen-kun," he said in a level tone, "the main one being that you are both male, if you want me to be blunt," Allen went deeper red at this, "and also because you are the most unlikely couple I've ever come across."

Lenalee tucked her legs underneath herself and sat on them comfortably, sinking down a little further into the deep red sofa that she had occupied just a little earlier; after she had tried to make a speedy escape from Allen's room and failed quite dramatically, she had been scooped up in Kanda's arms after he and Allen had gotten dressed hurriedly, only to find herself being carried downstairs at a quick pace while the British boy who'd accompanied them chatting to her in a overly-enthusiastic manner, asking her how the duet with Miranda had gone the night before since he had regrettably missed it. The female exorcist had known then, without any conformation, what had gone on between her two friends, and the very small fangirl part of her brain had been awakened instantly. Now, as she noticed the not-intentionally-discreet hand-holding between the couple, Lenalee couldn't help but imagine what they would look like if they kissed.

'_No!' _The Chinese exorcist told herself firmly, trying to drag her eyes away from her friend's entwined hands but abandoning the task when it proved impossible, _'This is absolutely not the time to be fantasising about Allen-kun and Kanda's relationship! We're here to discuss a very serious topic! God Nii-san, stop fighting with Kanda and get on with it – just get this over and done with.'_

"Che. So what if you think it's strange?" Kanda challenged, flicking his bangs out of his eyes in one swift motion of his head, "I'll admit, it does seem unthinkable, but if you only knew how long I've… and how much I… then you _so _wouldn't think…" Kanda's customary scowl grew darker and his fingers twitched in Allen's hand, which the younger boy took as a sign to comfort the angry exorcist.

"Shush, Kanda," he said quietly, rubbing his thumb in small circular patterns on the back of the taller man's hand, "you don't need to explain it to anyone, alright? I shouldn't have asked Komui-san why he thought it was surprising."

Komui leaned forwards and rested his folded arms on his desk, looking at the two before him, "Don't get me wrong, Kanda-kun," he said, "I don't believe that there's anything wrong with you two being together, because I actually think – thought, that it would be a good thing for you to find someone you love. It's just a little surprising, given that the two of you always used to fight so much."

"Che."

"Not much has changed there really," Allen said with a little smile, glancing up at Kanda to see if he showed any signs of agreeing, which he did; a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth was enough to signify that he both agreed and found it amusing at the same time. "We still end up bickering quite often. But I think it might be a little too early to say if we're going to continue like this for as long as we're together."

Kanda allowed himself to look at his lover at last after refusing to meet his eyes in fear of doing something out of character in the company of other people, only to find Allen beaming up at him, not a trace of a shy blush lingering on his cheeks any longer. Like a warm wave washing over him all of a sudden, the Japanese man felt a rush of immense and intense love for the boy who stood beside him, basically declaring that he wanted to be with Kanda for a very long time. "How could I have ever pretended that I despise your very existence, Moyashi-chan…" he whispered, his voice barely audible as he let go of Allen's hand and wrapped his arm around the other exorcist's waist slowly, earning an adorable little squeak of surprise as he did so.

"T-that's a little bit random, isn't it Kanda?" The blush was back again, engulfing his features in its pink warmth, "that's not like you at all to suddenly say that, and in front of others." The uncharacteristic behaviour was back again, but it wasn't enough to make either of the teenagers worry; they both blamed it on the situation, although neither knew why.

"Che, like I care what these two think," he said, brushing his free fingers across Allen's right cheek gently and tugging him a little closer to his body, "no offence, Lenalee," he said with a small smile to the Chinese girl behind him; Lenalee, unable to remind herself that she shouldn't given what her brother was going to announce any minute now, grinned at Kanda and gave him a quick thumbs-up sign to show that she approved of them acting so lovely in front of her.

"Honestly, BaKanda," Allen sighed in mock agitation, blowing a couple of stray strands of hair upwards as he did, "your sudden and random mood changes are kind of difficult to deal with. You were angry with Komui a second ago and now you're like this."

"So in return you insult me."

"But of course."

"Well sorry."

"You don't sound sorry…"

Kanda drew him still closer until their bodies were touching and the dark haired man could feel the boy's heart beating faster than usual against his chest, "Want me to prove it, then?" He asked almost silently, catching Komui's expression out of the corner of his eye – the scientist hadn't heard what he'd said.

Komui's heart bled for the couple as he watched Allen shyly wind his arms up around the back of Kanda's neck and hold onto him tightly while still keeping his face a safe distance away; was it necessary to tell them both about Kanda's nearing death? And if he couldn't get out of keeping that a secret, then was it vital to tell them _why_ he was dying? Seeing them together now, clearly in love, filled Komui with numerous doubts about his previously solid resolve – surely telling them that he was positive it was Allen who was killing the man would only make their almost-certainly short time together one full of misery? No; it wasn't necessary to tell them that detail just yet, because if he did, then what would they do? There was nothing they _could _do – it's not like they could just stop caring for each other simply because their Supervisor thought Allen was bringing about Kanda's end. And then there was Lavi. Komui's brow furrowed as he remembered the redhead – if he really was in love with Kanda as well, then surely his feelings must have some affect on the samurai as well? The scientist inwardly cursed as he felt angered at forgetting Lavi until this point.

Making up his mind after his short internal struggle, Komui cleared his throat loudly and addressed the taller of the cuddling exorcists, "Kanda-kun," he said loudly, "if you would be so kind as to let go of Allen-kun for just a moment, then I'll tell you why I called you here." Kanda glared at the man briefly, seemingly incapable of letting go of his love even though he had just been told to. He was made to though as Allen let go first and stood patiently, waiting for the man to remove his hands from his body – Komui couldn't figure out why, but the white haired boy didn't say anything to speed up the process and instead just waited, blinking every now and then. Quickly, he went up on his toes and kissed the taller man on the lips very lightly when he eventually released him as if to say 'well done' or 'thank you' to him; Kanda's eyes flickered in Komui's direction before he allowed himself to smile just a little as Lenalee gasped quietly from behind them.

"Well?" Kanda asked shortly, acting as if no kiss had taken place, "why'd you have your poor crippled sister walk all the way up to Moyashi-chan's room and drag us down here? It better be important."

'_Oh it is, Kanda-kun,' _Komui thought sadly, studying the man's face and finding no actual signs of annoyance despite his tone and choice of words, _'but it's not for you to know right now. You'll probably get angry at this cover-up, but it's for the best. For now, at least.' _Smiling brightly and putting on his happiest voice, the scientist announced brightly, "Sure is, Kanda-kun! I want the two of you to go find Miranda-san and congratulate her on her exceptional performance last night! I take it you heard her solo after the duet with my lovely Lenalee?" The look of poorly covered up ignorance on Allen's young face was enough to confirm that neither had actually been there when the German exorcist had beautifully sung a sad song of longing for someone else (Lavi had burst into tears at his friend's choice of song and cried on Lenalee's shoulder, much to her brother's disapproval when he found out later on). Stifling a sigh of mild annoyance, Komui over-looked the boy's expression and went on to direct his speech at Kanda again, "Miranda-san did her best and deserves some kind words from the two of you, don't you agree?"

"Sure," the man agreed, playing along brilliantly and pretending to know exactly what his Supervisor was talking about, "she did good, considering how nervous she was."

Komui wasn't fooled. Pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose with his index finger, he smiled sweetly at the exorcist, "Did you like the song, Kanda-kun?"

"What?"

"The song that Miranda-san sang."

Kanda's now narrowed eyes flickered to Allen's wide silver ones quickly, looking for an answer that the British boy couldn't provide. Damn Komui for being too smart. "It was… alright."

Komui lifted an eyebrow; for now, at least, he could afford to tease the samurai as much as possible before he got murdered for pushing him too far, and he wasn't going to let the chance slip by. After this meeting, there would probably be little time for laughter. His eyes catching Lenalee's for a second, Komui suddenly understood a flaw in his plan – what if someone else told Kanda the truth? He didn't want the man to hear it from anyone but him, because he was the only one who knew of the situation in full and stood a chance at explaining to him properly. Also, thinking about it now, maybe it wasn't the best idea in the world to have Allen there as well – for all he knew, Kanda might not want the boy to know his condition, and Komui had no intention of going against the swordsman's wishes. But, there was no one else who knew, the scientist reminded himself calmly – the only other person who knew was Lenalee, and she wouldn't say a word if told not to. The worry of having Lavi blab something stupid was easily allowed to slip out of the man's mind as he remembered that the redhead had left long before any conclusion had been reached between the siblings. Everything was ok and in order.

"Alright?" Komui said a little too loudly, making the three exorcists jump slightly, "Kanda-kun, it was brilliant, not alright! Name the song."

"You want me to _what_?"

"Name it! Surely you can do that, right?"

"Che, I don't see why I have to-"

Allen hastily grabbed the dark haired man's hand in his own, tugging it a little more urgently than necessary as he knew what was going to ensue – another argument. "Let's go see Miranda-san, then," he said brightly, grinning at his love when he received an angry scowl from him, "come on, I bet she'll be really happy when she sees us!"

"But I-"

"Now."

Neither of the Lee siblings could believe it when Kanda fell silent at the single worded command from the shorter boy and allowed his shoulders to relax, signifying that he was going to comply and leave without furthering the potential argument. This was the first time that either of them had _ever _seen anything that even came close to Kanda giving in to someone other than Tiedoll, and that only happened on a rare occasion, usually when he was in no physical state to fight back.

Kanda che'd quietly, taking Allen's hand into his properly and gripping it back before letting the boy wave goodbye apologetically to the scientist and lead him out of the room at a fast pace, only talking in a hushed tone when they reached the door.

Watching them leave in silence, Lenalee turned her attention back to her brother and folded her arms, preparing herself for a little Q&A time. That had been so unlike him – usually, Komui would have just told it to the samurai straight and had it over and done with, rather than drawing out the process of telling him the truth of what was happening. Not that the Chinese girl doubted Kanda already had his suspicions, because surely he could feel his own body slowly giving up? There had to be some physical changes, maybe even mental ones too, that the man could feel taking place as the Lotus flower died along with him.

"Nii-san," she said, addressing her brother in a firm voice and making him jump slightly as he stopped watching the doorway, "Why didn't you tell Kanda the truth? What was the point in bringing them down here if only to send them up to Miranda-san's room? You do know that Lavi-kun will be there; there's going to be hell if those three meet up."

Komui looked at her through his glasses for a long moment, something that he usually only did when he was trying to be taken seriously, or when he had something important to say. Slowly, as if he was trying to think of each individual word carefully before he spoke it, he replied, "There's a good reason for that, Lenalee. Yes, I made the mistake of bringing them down here when they were happily together, as you put it," Lenalee somehow managed to avoid blushing as she tried to visualise that, "but I really did intend to tell them everything. But, when I saw them together and happy, I just couldn't; I don't know what hit me, but it hit hard. They looked so happy together, and even though Kanda-kun didn't do anything to suggest he was in a particularly good mood, I could tell – that's probably one of the times where he's been the happiest."

"But then if you knew they were happy," his sister interjected, "why did you send them straight to Lavi-kun? You should _know_ that things between Kanda and Lavi-kun are pretty tense, so why?"

Komui sniffed indignantly, "because I didn't think Lavi would go to Miranda-san. He said he wouldn't, so I didn't think he would. I know, alright, I didn't think properly!"

"That's true," Lenalee sighed, "of course he'd go straight there, despite what he says." She shuffled in her seat again, readjusting her legs now so that she was no longer sitting on them, but instead let them hang over the edge of the sofa. They were straying off the point and a part of her knew that her brother was doing it on purpose; he didn't want to talk about the matter right now, and it was obvious. "Nii-san," she began again in a tentative voice, "that's not really what's bothering me right now. I still think that you should have told Kanda, because now you're just going to put it off until its too late, or until he finds out for himself – wouldn't it be better if he heard it from you rather than finding out on his own? Because no matter how tough his front appears, he'll still want some kind of consoling from you, the one person who stands a chance at making it better for him."

"But I can't change what's happening," Komui began, but his sister stopped him.

"I know. And so does he," she said firmly but rather quietly; the tone of voice that she chose seemed to be most effective on the scientist as he fell silent and sat with his chin in the palm of his hands, listening intently, "but it's just a mental state that all people take on. They turn to the one person who seems most likely to be able to cure their problem and they cling to them. Kanda will be no different, if you ask me."

The supervisor sat in silence, regarding the female exorcist before him as he thought about what she had said. Yes, there was a certain truth behind her words; is was entirely possible that the Japanese man would constantly seek help, even if he denied it fiercely and pretended not to care. Because that was the kind of person he was deep down, and it showed when he was around Allen more than any other time; that boy really did bring out the best in his lover.

"Again, Lenalee, you are right," he said with a weary sigh; he really did just want to drop down and go to sleep where he was, "and I'm sorry. The next time I see Kanda-kun I'll tell him what's going on, because this really isn't fair on him. And, if he wishes me to, then I'll tell Allen-kun as well." The man paused to inhale deeply, and as he exhaled he felt his will to continue slip out of his body along with the used air. He had messed up big time now for sure now; all he had had to do was sit down the pair of exorcists and tell them the truth about what was happening to the older of the two, but no, it had proved too difficult for him at the last minute. The scientist laid his forehead in his hands and closed his eyes, wishing that he had done things differently with all his might. All he was doing now was prolonging the wait before Kanda knew the truth about himself – also, there was still the problem of the Lotus that was sitting in front of him on the desk. He'd have to return that before it's owner found it missing. "I'm sorry for not telling him," he said in a small voice that begged to be comforted.

Lenalee slipped off the sofa and slowly stumbled over to stand beside her older brother, rubbing his left shoulder in small, slow circles to show him that she was there for him and she could look after him. "Don't worry about it," she said softly, accepting the hand that came to lay on top of hers, "you still have time to tell him, Nii-san. He's not going to die just yet, and this way you might have time to find a way to save him," she stopped to look at Komui's expression, which wasn't radiating positivism, "right, Nii-san?" she said, trying to persuade an answer out of him.

"I… don't think there's any way that I can help him," he said at length, trying to voice what he was thinking precisely, "because we've looked into it before. That Om seal that's on his chest, you've seen it – that's linked to this flower as well, and it's the source of his rapid healing. There's no way to separate him from that, and so there's no way to separate him from the Lotus. I asked him about it when he first joined the Order all those years ago, and that's what he told me. We've investigated it since then as well, but…" he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence, but the Chinese girl knew what he meant.

"What about Allen-kun?" the girl asked quietly, not quite meeting the supervisor's gaze when he looked up at her, "if what we think about him is right, then maybe he can stop this from happening..?"

"No," the man said firmly, at last abandoning his remorseful tone, "we can't ask that of him, I'm afraid. We can't ask him to stop loving Kanda-kun, it would be an impossible request and he would hate himself for not being able to save him." Lenalee swallowed hard and looked embarrassed at suggesting such a thing. "I'm sorry," Komui apologised, "but it's not possible. And we don't know if that _is_ the cause, but I'm pretty convinced now."

The exorcist sniffed slightly and leant down, resting her head on her brother's shoulder with a light _konk_. This really was almost as bad as things could get around now, the only thing that would top this would be if Allen and Lavi both died alongside and then the Earl attacked at the same time. Lenalee didn't want to even think about that kind of situation.

"We can't lose another exorcist," she said into the white material on Komui's shoulder, "not after losing Suman so tragically, and also Daisya, and everyone else… and we can't afford to lose someone as good as Kanda," she suppressed a weak sob as she tried to imagine such a possibility, "and even though he's not the nicest of people he's still a good guy, and he's making Allen-kun so happy. You should have heard Allen-kun talk about him before they got together! Even though he didn't fully understand the depth of his feelings then, he spoke about Kanda so lovingly, and his words were so true and honest. We can't let that be taken away from him… and likewise from Kanda himself. This is the first time he's ever actually seemed to like anyone aside from maybe me." There was some truth in that – the only person that Kanda seemed to avoid bitching about was Lenalee, and he was quite civil around her as well most of the time. It had seemed, before Allen, that she was the only one with any degree of control over him.

"If I can prevent it, then I will do everything in my power to save Kanda-kun," Komui said, his voice firm and strong, definite and certain about every one of his words. He would not let anyone else die, especially not due to circumstances as pitiful and difficult as this. Death by flower: it sounded almost laughable. "Even though we can't think of anything right now, if I leave this to Reever and maybe Johnny, then we might be able to come up with something that can at least slow down his death."

Lenalee put her arms around the scientist's shoulders properly now and allowed him to hug her back, finally wanting the warm bodily contact. "I hope so, Nii-san," she said in a small voice, "because we can't let him die. Make sure to either find a solution or tell him as soon as possible. I don't think it's a good idea to let him hear it from another source."

-----------

Lavi held onto his new best friend as tightly as he could without causing her damage, fighting back the sobs that would surely take over his body should he let go of her.

He had known it was rude, had comprehended that the last thing that Miranda Lotto wanted was to be woken up by a teary eyed redhead who was demanding hugs as comfort, and had understood that it was entirely selfish to ask her to look after him, even though he needed it. But, being the incredible woman that she was, Miranda had allowed her friend to do what he wanted and had held him tight, telling him that everything was ok even though she had no idea why he was there and upset. He was currently sitting on the floor beside the German woman's bed and was stretching up to hug her while she was still half-lying, half-sitting up on the mattress, not caring that the position was awkward or that his back was aching from being in such a twisted way. All he cared about was holding onto the woman.

"Lavi," she said gently at long last, not letting go of him and also not letting him move away from her by tightening her grip around the back of his neck, "as lovely as this is, and as much as I enjoy hugging you in strange ways, I would quite like to know the reason why you're so distressed and miserable. Could it have something to do with…" she was unsure whether or not to mention the samurai's name, in case it upset the apprentice Bookman further. Deciding that she could deal with any consequence that might arise fairly well and actually feeling confident in her abilities for a change, she went for it, "…Kanda-san?"

Lavi twitched violently at the mention of the man's name and Miranda felt it clearly in her arms. Loosening her grip just a little so that Lavi could leave if he so wished, the exorcist stayed still and waited for her friend's reaction, knowing that it could be anything, ranging from crying to shouting to laughing to more intense misery. Slowly, almost shyly, the redhead nodded his head against Miranda's collarbone, sniffing heavily and willing himself not to cry.

"Yuu is…" he started, but couldn't finish his sentence; a fat tear rolled down his left cheek as he went over it again in his mind. Kanda was dying, but seemed blissfully unaware of the fact. He was dying because of a Lotus flower- no, that wasn't right. He was dying because of Allen Walker. Allen, the boy who Lavi regarded as some kind of younger brother, was killing the one person that he loved, the one person who had invaded his closed heart and fake personality, and had made him _feel_. No Bookman was meant to feel anything for anyone because they were just pawns in the making of history, Lavi knew and recognised that, but this time round… no one in the Order could be seen just as ink scratched onto a page, especially not the exorcists he worked with, and, out of those few, especially not Kanda Yuu. He was so different from the others in the way he made the redhead's heart pound and ache whenever he saw him, talked to him, or thought of him. It just wasn't natural for him to feel such things, but, even now, Lavi accepted them fully. Never once questioned them.

But now, he was dying, going, leaving him. Lavi smiled wryly; no, it wasn't like Kanda had ever belonged to him in the first place, so he wasn't really losing anything at all, in truth.

Only a piece of his soul, so it seemed.

"Yuu is, what?" Miranda continued after waiting for Lavi to finish his sentence, "What's Kanda-san done? Has he done something to hurt you again, Lavi? Because if he has, then you might need to have a word with him to make him stop this-"

"He's not done anything wrong to me."

"Well that's good, then. So what is it? Oh, actually, if you don't want to tell me, then that's perfectly fine with me, you don't have to say anything, I'll understand just fine, so…"

Miranda blushed at her stupidness and buried her face into the dark red hair just below her chin, now thankful that Lavi was sitting on the floor. Of course, he couldn't see the blush so hiding it was a little bit pointless, but it made the German woman feel better all the same.

Lavi didn't respond when he suddenly found Miranda's face in his hair, but instead replied as if nothing had changed. "I do want to tell you, Miranda," he said truthfully in a voice that wavered as if he was still suppressing tears, even though one had already broken free and gone travelling on it's own, "but I don't know if I should, because it's a bit personal to Yuu, and he doesn't know yet…"

Miranda's curiosity sky-rocketed at that. '_Kanda doesn't know? It's something very personal? It's enough to make Lavi be reduced to this kind of state?'_ Not being much of a gossiper usually, Miranda found this new found feeling of wanting to know every and any detail to be quite a drastic change to her usually meek and passive personality. "It's ok, Lavi," she encouraged, removing herself from the top of his head, "Does Komui-san know?"

"Yeah, he's the one I heard it off. I heard him talking about it to Lenalee."

"To Lenalee?" Miranda found it shocking that the scientist would discuss it with his sister before the person in question, no matter how much he adored the girl. How could he do something like that? Wasn't that a little insensitive to Kanda? However, she decided not to make a big deal out of what she thought because, through some absurd reason, she convinced herself that there had been a reason to tell Lenalee first. "So she knows and Kanda-san doesn't?"

"As far as I know, yeah."

"Then, if she knows, we will probably be told as well," the female exorcist reasoned, "because if one exorcist knows something about another, then everyone else should- hang on, Lavi, my back's hurting now. Could you let go, do you think?"

Apologising profusely and releasing his friend at once, Lavi stood up quickly and dusted himself off, slightly embarrassed at being the cause of Miranda's discomfort. She patted the space beside her on the bed after she'd sat up, indicating for the apprentice Bookman to sit beside her there, which he did, making the bed creak a little – it was old, afterall, so it was no wonder it did.

"Sorry Miranda, I didn't realise how long we'd been like that," he stuttered out, "want me to rub it better for you?"

"Ah," Miranda blushed light pink, "if you would like to, then yes. But please, don't feel obliged to do anything." Soon after saying that though, she felt long strong fingers trail up her back, probing the kin beneath them every now and then, before coming to a stop in between her shoulder blades. As she sat quietly, Lavi slowly started putting pressure on the area gently, rubbing and pressing at the same time, loosening up the muscles in one light motion.

"Is it hurting here?"

"Y-Yes, that's it." The blush deepened; never before, as far as she could remember, had Miranda been given a massage to make her feel better. It felt so lovely and wonderful.

"Tell me when it stops hurting, ok?"

"Alright."

Gradually, Miranda allowed herself to calm down and just let her friend work on her cramped muscles, working out the tight feeling within them with almost expert hands. Vaguely, as she felt herself growing sleepy at the man's skilful touch, the German woman wondered if Lavi had ever wanted to do this, or receive this, from Kanda. Was this how he wanted to touch him, with those sure and strong digits that seemed to literally pull the pain from out of her and make it vanish into thin air? Or was this what he wanted from the other man? Miranda didn't know at all, and shook her head to get rid of such impure thoughts – Lavi was doing this so that she could feel better, not for any other reason! She could have hit herself for thinking, even for a millisecond, that it could have been anything else, or could have had a hidden deeper meaning. Nothing was happening, or ever would happen, between them, in that respect. It was a no-go zone, she had made sure of that.

A thumb that pushed into her pyjama-covered back went just that little bit too far and made the female exorcist gasp in shock more than pain, although it did hurt slightly; Lavi stopped what he was doing straight away, holding his hands back away from her body as if she was red-hot. "Ah, sorry," he said quickly as she turned her head to look at him properly, "did that hurt you? I was trying to be gentle, but... y'know, started thinking about stuff and then just kinda... got into a rhythm and didn't really pay much attention and stuff, so..."

Miranda shook her head quickly, sending her unbrushed hair flying around her face, whipping her cheeks as she did. "No, no," she said, trying to show that she was all right, "I'm fine, really, it just surprised me. I was thinking about things too, so it just woke me up a little. Don't worry," she added with a smile, "I'm fine! Please Lavi, don't look at me like that, you're making me feel bad."

Lavi had an expression on his face that was now closely resembling Allen's pout when he couldn't get one of the many dishes of food that he wanted at dinner time, and he looked several years younger while doing it; Miranda had the sudden desire to sit him on her lap and cuddle him like a child. "You sure?" the redhead said finally, still pouting at her, "because if I just made the pain worse then I'll have to go and, I dunno, get Yuu and-"

He couldn't finish his sentence suddenly, and the cute facial expression was gone in an instant, but the German woman didn't understand why. "Lavi?" She said, surprised by the change in her friend, "What's wrong?" Lavi simply nodded towards the door while he swallowed hard, seemingly unable to speak, and Miranda saw the problem straight away. Kanda and Allen were at the door, watching the pair of friends within the room; Allen looked uncomfortable and looked as though he would dearly love to turn and run away from the place, whereas Kanda was giving Lavi a thoroughly dirty look, like he was some pond scum that the Japanese man had had the misfortune to be assigned to clean up.

"Get Yuu and what, idiot?" he asked, a snarl on his lips, as Allen tugged at his elbow, clearly wanting to leave, "go on, finish what you were saying."

Now was so not the time for Kanda to start on the slightly younger man; Lavi swallowed again and felt the tears that had only recently left his eye begin to return again as he looked at the person he loved with a wide eye. _'This man is dying,' _the redhead thought miserably as he looked Kanda up and down, allowing his eye to rove wherever it pleased, taking a good look at what the man was wearing: the black trousers that he had worn the night before at the party, no shoes, no socks, and a zip-up jacket that was too short in the arms for him. No doubt he'd stayed in the boy's room last night. _'And there is nothing I can do about it.'_

"I was saying that I should go and get you to beat me or something as punishment," he replied at last, marginally enjoying the look of confusion on the samurai's features now, "because I thought I'd hurt Miranda."

Kanda che'd loudly and wretched his arm free from Allen's grasp, pretending not to hear the whine of protest from the boy as he did so. "You did what?" He asked angrily, looking at Miranda now for signs of injury, "why the fuck would you try and hurt her? You moron."

The redhead flinched at the harsh tone of voice and the insult that accompanied it, hating how Kanda was always so pissed off with him nowadays. Still, it was mostly his own fault, so he didn't really blame him. "No, Yuu-chan, I said I thought I had, not that I tried to."

"Don't fucking call me _Yuu-chan_."

"Yeah, sorry. But I was giving her a back massage because it hurt, and then I… ah, never mind, that's not really important. Why are you two here anyway?"

Allen stepped away from Kanda and coughed into his hand lightly, clearing his throat before he begin speaking. "Komui-san said that we should come and congratulate Miranda-san on her wonderful solo yesterday," he beamed a wide grin at his German friend, receiving a nervous smile back from her, "and also her solo with Lenalee, who we've already told what we thought of it."

Kanda looked at the shorter boy, frowning still. "We did?"

"Shush."

Miranda giggled at the pair of exorcists, covering her mouth as she did so; despite knowing that Lavi loved Kanda, she couldn't help but think that they were really quite adorable. Knowing that Kanda had, at last, opened up a little to at least one person made him seem a lot more human and closer to being approachable, but the woman doubted that she would be able to hold a normal conversation just yet. Allen, by the looks of it, was well on the way to turning the man into a decent and generally nicer person. Rudeness to Lavi was an exception.

"It's ok, you two," Miranda said, leaning on the apprentice Bookman's shoulder lightly and smiling at the couple sweetly, hoping they wouldn't mind having their secret exposed, "I know that neither of you saw or heard either of my songs. We saw you leave before I even went up on stage."

The reaction that followed was so adorable that the female exorcist almost wanted to hug them both; Kanda's eyes went perfectly round for a brief second before he turned his attention to the floor, ignoring what the woman had said, while Allen went _red_ and stammered out something that no one could comprehend. They had thought that they had slipped away unnoticed by the two people they _didn't_ want seeing them, but had failed. It was all just so convenient.

"Che. Well at least we tried to be nice to you," Kanda tutted, adamantly ignoring Lavi as he tried to catch his eye, "we could have just said that we never heard it and couldn't care less."

"Kanda!" Allen exclaimed loudly, his voice a little higher than usual, "We do care about it! Look, Miranda-san," he looked apologetically at his friend, his vibrant red blush still intact, "we were going to listen, we really were, but there was this thing that I left in my room and Kanda needed it too, so we went back to look for it together and couldn't f-find it so- _what are you looking at me like that for, Kanda?_"

"No reason," he said simply, looking at his lover through his too-long bangs with a trace of mild amusement; with that one stupidly thought out lie, the samurai was suddenly in a bit of a better mood. "But these two weren't born yesterday, Moyashi-chan, they're not stupid, despite how Lavi may seem," Lavi opened his mouth to protest, but Miranda pinched his back to keep him quiet, "they know you're lying. Don't bother."

"O' course we know he's lying," the redhead said, trying to keep his tone friendly and light but failed, allowing in the poorly covered-up jealousy and disgust, "we know why you left."

"Good."

Lavi blinked at Kanda rapidly, wondering if e had misunderstood, despite it only being one word. Was he admitting to it? "G-Good?" Lavi repeated, feeling his stomach begin to sink lower into his abdomen at an alarmingly fast rate, "you mean, you don't mind us knowing?"

"Che, it's not like I want everyone in the Order to know what we do or don't do," Kanda spat, wanting to get away from the younger man now. He had had enough of him for one day, and this had topped it off. Before the confessions, before the kisses, he had tolerated and been fine with the way that Lavi had followed him around and bothered him almost constantly, because, even though he never showed it and always acted as if he disliked the guy, Kanda had actually considered the redhead to be one of his _friends_, and that was something coming from him. But now, that was as good as over; looking at him now, the Japanese only felt irritation. "But I don't lie," that was one right there – one of the first things he had said to Allen was that he wouldn't shake hands or be associated with a cursed person, even though he was one himself, "so there's do point doing so here. Just don't go round shouting your mouth off to others; it's not their business, and it's not your either, got that?"

Lavi nodded. "Got it, Yuu."

"And _don't _say my _fucking given name_."

Allen took Kanda's hand into his own again before Lavi could answer, lacing their fingers together gently and pressing his fingertips against the back of the man's hand firmly, telling him that he was proud of how he was surprisingly open about their relationship and didn't try to hide it like he had thought he would have done. "Now that they know," he said quietly, looking into the dark eyes that blinked at him, not betraying the surprise the owner felt, "shall we go and get some… breakfast?" He blushed slightly once again; if he continued turning pink and red so often, then those cheeks would permanently stay like a pair of tomatoes, "Jerry might have some party leftovers, so I want to go and have a look, if that's ok."

Kanda didn't smile, but he wanted to. If the idiot and his friend hadn't been there, then he might have considered doing so. "Fine. Let's go then." Nodding briefly at Miranda, who had been silent for some time now, and disregarding Lavi completely, he tugged on the hand in his and made to leave, "_ja ne_," he said quietly, not sure whether the pair of exorcists had heard him or not but also not caring.

"Oh, Miranda-san," Allen said quickly before they could exit the room, "I l-like your pyjamas," he said, stuttering a little as he realised how stupid he sounded, complimenting her nightwear.

"Thank you," she smiled, feeling Lavi stiffen against her arm for unknown reasons, "see you two after breakfast!" Kanda grunted something about it not really being breakfast since it was so late but was pushed out of the room by his companion before Miranda could ask him what he had said. Turning her attention back to the apprentice Bookman now, she was greeted by an expression that she had not seen on her friend's face. Half frowning, half looking like he was about to burst into tears, Lavi seemed on the verge of several difficult to deal with emotions all at once. "Lavi?" she asked carefully, wondering if she should put her arm around his shoulders or not, "what's the matter? You look dreadful! Are you all right? Is it Kanda-san?"

"Yeah," he said thickly, as if he was fighting down tears now, "it is. Hey, listen Miranda," he shook her off gently, shuffling to the edge of the bed so that he could get off easier, "I need to talk to him on my own. Without Allen listening in on us. Do you think you could keep him in here if I send him back in?"

Miranda bit her lower lip, frowning at the apprentice Bookman slightly now; letting him be alone with the Japanese man would have repercussions, surely. But that poorly hidden look of plea made it difficult for the woman to say 'no'. She reached out and touched the back of his left shoulder, smiling a little. "You won't do anything to annoy him, all right?"

Lavi nodded vigorously, "I'll be good," he said eagerly, "I just need to tell him something, that's all."

"What is it?"

Lavi didn't look her in the eyes, averting his gaze from her pretty face cautiously. He couldn't tell her, not now. It was up to Yuu whether or not she found out. "Just... something." He said weakly, shuffling off the bed and standing up, waiting for his friend to do the same. "C'mon," he instructed, "get the kid back in here quickly, before they get away."

"Allen's not much younger than you, Lavi, so calling him a kid is a bit..." a raising of an eyebrow from the man was enough to stop Miranda's speech, "never mind, let's get him."

Both of the exorcists exited the room quickly, and Miranda hurried on ahead to catch up with the pair as quickly as she could while going barefooted and wearing pyjamas, blushing as she realised how stupid she must look right now. But she still carried on, wanting to do this for her friend, all the while wondering what it could be that Lavi wanted to tell Kanda. _'Could he be over him?'_ She asked herself as her feet made soft padding sounds on the cold stone floor, _'no, that won't be it, there's no way he could be. So then, what? What else could be so important to him?'_

The German woman squeaked in surprise as she walked straight into the back of Kanda, who unexpectedly held her steady by the shoulders to prevent her from falling backwards from the impact. She had not realised that the two of them had been so close to her.

"Che. Watch where you're going next time." The samurai said, his tone not as harsh as it would have been should Miranda have been someone else.

"Ah, sorry Kanda-san," she said, blushing furiously at her stupid mistake, "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"I know."

The blush turned a brighter red as the female exorcist looked straight at Allen's eyes, staring at him as if in doing so she could forget what she'd just done. It wasn't her fault she'd been thinking deeply, or so she told herself. "Allen-kun," she said, her voice surprisingly strong now, taking the boy back a bit, "there's something I need to talk to talk about with you. Can you come back with me to my room?" She coughed into her hand and corrected herself, "please."

The hand that held the British boy's tightened it's grip on the rough skin of the Innocence; Kanda, although he would never admit it, wanted to leave and go back to bed, forgetting all about breakfast or lunch or whatever it was that his younger lover decided to call it. He felt horrific now, but he couldn't understand why he suddenly did or where this feeling of near-collapsing was coming from; his head was hurting and making the room spin, his eyes burned red-hot in his skull, his legs ached and threatened to buckle underneath his weight; the list went on and on. It was a wonder that he had been able to stop Miranda from falling backwards at all when it seemed he would do the same shortly.

"Sure, I don't mind," Allen said, misreading the grip on his hand as one that showed Kanda's possessiveness over him, "but can Kanda come too?"

It was more than obvious that Miranda didn't want the man accompanying them back to the room for a chat. "No," Kanda said, sparing the poor woman an explanation that would surely sound fake and unconvincing, not to mention the fact that he didn't think he could move his legs anymore after standing still, "I'll wait here for you, Moyashi-chan." Allen frowned at him, wanting to know the reason for his change in attitude. Surely he would want to remain with him always, and would think he had the right to listen in on conversations that regarded his lover?

"Fine," Allen said, letting go of the taller exorcist's hand after giving it a quick squeeze, "we won't be long."

As the two of them left him, Kanda felt his strength finally subside into nothingness and he slumped down onto the floor, leaning against the wall of the passageway heavily while rubbing his eyes relentlessly, trying to bring back the vision that had now partially left him. And yet, despite everything that was happening to him, he didn't feel worried – whatever was the matter, the Om seal on his chest was sure to fix it.

"Hey, Yuu-chan."

Kanda glared at the place where the sound had come from, vaguely making out the red hair and uncertain smile that belonged to Lavi, of all people. The Japanese man groaned loudly; why _him_? Why did that idiot have to be here _now_, when he was feeling so vulnerable and useless? Not to mention unable to see or move easily. "What the _fuck_ do you want?" He asked in a growl, his voice failing a little, making him sound quieter than he wanted, "I'm not in the mood to talk to you, Usagi."

"Heh, you never are anymore."

Talking was becoming more challenging by the word. "Can't think why."

To his horror, Kanda felt rather than saw Lavi sit down next to him against the wall, keeping his distance while at the same time staying much too close. It had all happened within around a minute – first feeling like shit, then being unable to stand up, then losing vision, and now sitting with an idiot. Fantastic.

"I need to talk to you, Yuu."

"Kanda."

"Kanda, then. There's something that I think you should know now, because if you don't know then it might get worse."

"You're making no sense, moron." He didn't need this. Didn't need this person sitting here and blabbering nonsensical crap while he felt like he was going to kick it any moment. _'Is this what it feels like to die?'_

The redhead laughed lightly, obviously faking the sound. "Sorry, sorry." He was trying to lighten the mood, but why he was doing so was beyond the dark-haired exorcist, "I'll try again." He inhaled and refused to look at Kanda, knowing that if he did then he would never be able to say what was on his mind. "This morning, before you woke up, I overheard Komui and Lenalee talking about something... important." Kanda wasn't listening properly anymore; his sight was coming back, and he was more concerned with getting it back fully than listening to what Lavi had eavesdropped in on, "They were discussing you."

"Great," the man said in nearly a whisper; it seemed that by gradually getting his vision back, his voice was leaving him and his arms were beginning to feel heavier, "that's amazing."

"They've found something out about the Lotus in your room and why you're in the state you are now."

That was enough to get his attention back now; his eyes snapped away from the floor and met the apprentice Bookman's single eye in an instant, trying to focus on it with great concentration. "What?" He hissed, "You shouldn't know about that, retard." A pause, then, "what did they say?"

Lavi hesitated, trying to order the facts in his brain neatly so he could recite them perfectly. Was it ok to leave out the part about it being Allen who was killing him? No, it had to be told, even though now, after some thought, Lavi was starting to question whether the boy was the only one involved in the gradual decline of Kanda's health; he had realised soon after getting to Miranda's room that Allen was not the only person who loved the cold-hearted samurai – there was no denying it. If the man was dying because he was loved, then he, Lavi, was to all this too. But, as of yet, nothing had been proved.

"They said that... well, you're dying, basically," the redhead said slowly and firmly, his heart heavy as he saw Kanda's eyes widen in disbelief and confusion, "because... this is gonna sound stupid, but its because you're loved and are loving in return, I guess." The lack of reaction from the exorcist compelled Lavi to keep talking, just to fill the heavy-weighted silence, "so, what Komui said it means is-"

"You're killing me."

The bluntness and lack of emotion in the man's response caught his companion off guard completely; he had imagined that, to some degree, that Kanda would behave like a normal human and become at least a little bit upset by the conformation of his death. "Well, yeah, I guess so," Lavi said uncertainly, "But so's Allen. I'd be more concerned about him if I were you."

Kanda tried to sit up straighter but failed, letting himself lean his elbow on his knee that was parallel with his chest, breathing heavily and wondering if he would survive should his heart decide to pack in. "It's as that old saying goes," he said with some difficulty, "Loved by two leads to the death of the one."

"I've never heard of such a saying before."

"Because you're stupid."

Insulting someone didn't usually lead to a kiss, but this time it did. Without a moment's hesitation or regard for his safety, Lavi had leaned over and pulled Kanda forward slightly, pressing his lips to the other man's with measurable force and longing, suddenly deaf to the growl of protest he received; as he was then, Kanda couldn't push the exorcist of him no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn't even resist when his lips were involuntarily parted by his friend's, letting in the tongue that hungrily searched the inside of his mouth. And, as much as he hated himself for thinking this, he was at least well enough to recognise that Lavi was a brilliant kisser.

"Lavi..."

The Bookman's kiss and slipped from the samurai's mouth and was trailing steadily along his jaw now, relentlessly moving downwards until it found his neck, where it stopped to nip and lick and suck, careful not to cause too much pain.

"You fuckin' know I can't throw you off, you piece of shit," he said, trying to anyway but finding now that he really couldn't move his body more than a centimetre or two, "stop taking advantage."

"No, Yuu," Lavi said into the man's skin, unzipping the jacket to find the dark Om seal contrasting against Kanda's skin, "this is me saying goodbye."

"What?"

"After this, I'll leave you alone. I'll move on, find someone else, and let you live." It hurt to say this, but his mind was made up – if this was the only way to save the person who he held so dearly in his heart, his heart that was meant to feel nothing, then so be it.. "Because if you're right, and if having two people love you equally is what's killing you, then I'll step down. I'll stop. I'm sure I can fall in love with someone else. Because you're happy with Allen and nothing can change that fact." Without warning, he dragged his teeth slowly down the man's body – causing him to inhale quickly – before stopping at the seal and kissing it. "All because of this thing," he murmured, enclosing his teeth on the dark flesh, drawing a bead of blood, "if I could rip it from your body, then my God I would."

"Che. Wouldn't make any difference," Kanda said, feeling the little bite wound heal itself, "it would just grow back. Probably."

And now, as Lavi fell silent and held on tighter, the Japanese man doubted he would push him off even if he did have the strength to, empathising with the feeling of letting go of the one you loved.

**-----------**

**Well, the ending could have been better, but I'm once again ill and writing is taking a lot of effort today :( Questions? Comments? I'd like to hear what you think :D reviews are love!!**


	15. Love

**Triangle Chapter 15**

**;w; I FINALLY FINISHED CHAPTER 15! -cries with happiness- I'm so sorry it took me so long, but it's here. And now the fic finally lives up to its M rating. Yup, Yullen smex is finally here and on-screen =w=~ I hope this gets some reviews! Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing so far - I love you all to death x3**

**Warnings: man-on-man, yaoi, Allen wants to be seme, indecisive bitchy Kanda, etc... don't like, don't read! yey! :D**

**Disclaimer: If I owned -man then I wouldn't be writing fanfics now would I? ;D**

**-----------**

_'He's saying goodbye. After this, he won't bother you again.  
__**Push the idiot off now, before he can go any further.  
**__No, wait. Just let him have this one moment; let him do as he wants within reason.  
__**I've changed so much. When did I start thinking like this?  
**__Around about the time when I accepted the Moyashi's kiss on his bed.  
__**Ahh, that's right.  
**__And now there's another problem.  
__**Yes. Allen. He will see me like this, and then he won't ever look at me again, let alone let me touch him.  
**__He won't see, and even if he does, he'll understand.  
__**Che. I'm an idiot.  
**__Yeah, I am. And it's not like I can do anything about it now anyway, I can't fucking move. So really, there's no choice here. Just wait until this pain stops and then kick Lavi in the face.  
__**Sounds good.'**_

But the conclusion that Kanda reached in his mind didn't come across in words to the red head next to him, who was coming closer and closer to actually getting on his lap and straddling him. Instead, a stream of contradictory insults came from him violently, as if he really meant to hurt the man he used to occasionally call his best friend – when no one was around.

"Lavi, you fucking idiot," he growled, gritting his teeth against the growing cloudiness that enveloped his brain, trying to make him sleep, "if you try and do anything to me now, then believe me, you'll be missing that right arm of yours after I rip it from your body and feed it to Moyashi in a burger."

Lavi raised an eyebrow at him, smiling. Yuu wasn't always creative with his insults, so he felt privileged in a strange sort of way. "Aww Yuu-chan," he cooed softly, his breath tickling the skin of the Japanese man's neck, "you wouldn't do that to me really. I know you wouldn't."

"Che. Want to test it?"

"Nah..."

Contradictory, that's what he was. Kanda felt pissed off as he realized this; had he not just told himself that he wouldn't do anything to hinder the Bookman-in-training's movements? And yet here he was, getting all violent on him. What an embarrassment he was.

"Wait, what're you-?"

Even allowing himself to think a single strand of half-formed thoughts had taken away Kanda's concentration on keeping the other man as far away from him as verbally possible, it seemed. Before he'd registered what was going on, the dark haired exorcist found his friend doing the one thing he really didn't want him to do: straddle him.

Uttering something undoubtedly rude and violent, Kanda did his best to throw him off, but that was out of the question considering he couldn't find the strength to even push himself up into a straighter and more comfortable sitting position. Lavi just smiled at him simply, and the man found himself looking away, unable to keep eye contact. Guilt washed over his consciousness in a great wave as he, once again, hated himself for firstly being in a situation that made it look like he was cheating on the one person he loved, and also for having such conflicting thoughts and actions when it came to Lavi.

"But, you know what I _do _wanna test?"

"No."

Lavi smiled again at Kanda, but this time it looked almost sad; the man beneath him felt awful just seeing such an expression. "Like I said," the redhead continued, as if he hadn't heard what his love said, "after this, I'll leave you alone. Just give me a few minutes and then I'll be off, k? Oh, but if you really can't move, then maybe I should stay with you."

Kanda grimaced, "What, so you can just have an excuse to feel me up since I can't throw you off?"

A laugh slipped through Lavi's lips at that, but the sound seemed horribly forced. He shuffled closer in to the exorcist's body, sliding a hand over the right side of his exposed chest in a way that made the apprentice look like he was searching for some kind of reaction, his eye never once leaving Kanda's two dark ones. "No," he said truthfully, his hand traveling upwards now, almost shyly, up to the top of the man's shoulder, where it came to rest momentarily, tracing along the curve of the end of the collarbone with his digits, "not for that. So that I can look after you."

Something in his brain seemed to come loose at that remark – how dare the idiot say such a thing to him! "Che, I don't need looking after," he spat, struggling to regain control over his body as he felt Lavi grip him slightly tighter with his thighs, "not now, and not ever. I just need you to hurry up and get the fuck off, if you're really not going to go until you've molested me like some kind of rapist."

Lavi only laughed again, but this time no sorrowful expressions followed it. He bent down further, leaning closer until his lips met the samurai's gently, kissing him tenderly as his free left hand came up to cup his cheek, before gradually moving onto the loose dark coloured tresses of hair, lacing them in his fingers. It wasn't long into the kiss that Kanda felt the hot tongue slide across his lower lip, asking for entrance once again.

'_Let him do it.  
__**Don't let him fucking do it, imbecile.  
**__Just this and then he's gone.  
__**Forever?  
**__Probably. I doubt he'd lie while looking so serious.  
__**I hate being Uke.'**_

The exorcist parted his lips very slightly, allowing only just enough space for Lavi to follow from there; he wouldn't do anything to encourage the redhead's actions. None at all. He'd just sit there, waiting for him to get bored and leave because that way he wasn't doing anything wrong, wasn't doing anything that he didn't want to do. Lavi had never said anything about wanting a response, so Kanda wasn't going to give it to him. Not to mention how horrific he was still feeling, regardless of whether he had another man on him or not; every couple of seconds his stomach would clench, like he was going to be sick, and his vision kept trying to leave him altogether now. Every bone and muscle in his body felt dead and unusable, and when he thought about the reason why he was like this and the slim chance of getting better, Kanda could safely say he felt scared to the core.

"Yuu…" Lavi's slightly breathless voice murmured from somewhere near his left ear after the kiss ended, "touch me back."

"No."

"Please."

"I can't move." It was true. That, and the fact that he really didn't want to. The only person he would ever touch was Allen, and maybe Lenalee, but definitely _not_ in the same way.

The Bookman sighed lightly, causing a bit of his companion's hair to flutter slightly on the breeze. "I'm beginning to feel like I'm getting hard over a dead man."

Kanda grunted loudly, not caring how retarded he sounded, "Don't like it, then get off. Besides, I'm not dead yet. So you're not." He exhaled slowly, hating the way his breath sounded broken and weak. _'If I really am dying right now,' _he thought, almost sadly, _'then I don't want to be having this ridiculous discussion with Lavi.'_ His ever-present frown deepened yet further as he felt something entirely inappropriate rub against the top of his thigh, "And Lavi," he grunted, annoyed, "get your fucking cock off my leg before I rip it from your body and give it to charity."

"And how will you do that," he taunted, kissing the man's neck very lightly and earning a minute gasp from him, "if you can't move properly?" He wasn't scared by Kanda's usual empty threats, so why should this one be any different? He had come this far, waited this long, to get a chance to be like this with the cold hearted bastard, so there was no way he would walk away now. Unless, of course, a certain Bean Sprout happened to come spying on them. Then he would peg it down to the cafeteria for all he was worth. "Unless, of course," he teased, surprising himself with his own out-of-character behaviour, all shyness completely gone, as he ran the hand that had been on the samurai's shoulder down the length of his arm and back up again at an agonisingly slow pace, "you'd rather I _stick _it some place more _private_?" It was worth a try.

"Che," Kanda hissed, cursing his vision for coming back perfectly now of all times, not that there was a great deal to see, other than Lavi on him, "if I won't be uke for Moyashi then there's no way in hell I will for you."

"Fine, be seme then."

"Fuck you, moron."

"Ahhh… I do love you, Kanda Yuu. You, and all those harsh words that come with you."

"Stop taking the piss, you stupid- _ah…_"

Kanda winced slightly as he felt Lavi's teeth nip at the sensitive skin behind his ear – just where he liked it, after finding out the night before - pinching it hard but not hard enough to draw blood. He felt the man smile into his neck at the sound he made. "Turning you on, Yuu-chan?" the redhead asked, brushing his lips against the already healing skin as he did so and earning another very soft, but still just about audible, moan. It sent shivers racing up his spine to hear such noises from such a gorgeous person; how he was going to let go of him after this was quite beyond him. "Because it sure sounds like it is."

"Not even in your dreams, bitch."

"But in reality, yes."

'_Damn.'_

"Che, no."

It was true – as much as he hated having Lavi on him, pressed against his chest and legs and breathing ever so delicately on his neck, he couldn't help but like the kisses on his skin, couldn't help but react when they started and ended. This was wrong and he knew it; in every sense it was against what he wanted and what was morally right. It had to stop before it got too out of hand, before he gave up and lost his mind to hallucinations of having Allen there above him rather than the eager redhead.

"Get off me now, Lavi," Kanda said as dangerously as he could manage, struggling against the weight of his friend and finally forcing his numb body to sit a bit more upright, "I think you've gone far enough. You keep your word and go now; get over me and find someone else." He hated himself for saying that, it just sounded so big headed and almost arrogant. He didn't really think _that_ highly of himself at all, but it had to be said clearly so that the stupid rabbit could understand exactly what he meant.

Lavi bit his tongue at the sudden finality in Kanda's voice, hating how it signified that the man wouldn't put up with any more of this. It was painful, yes, but he had said it would be the last time, his one moment of being entirely selfish, and he would stay true to what he had said. But still, he really didn't want to move.

"What if I say no?" he asked quietly, "what then? You're enjoying this, I'm enjoying this… I don't see the problem here."

Kanda gritted his teeth loudly: no problem? The fucktard didn't see the problem? He couldn't see how wrong this was? Every nerve in the Japanese man's heavy body cried out to get away from the other exorcist, to stop this stupidity and to go and get himself so deep into Allen that the boy didn't know how to react from the pleasure. He laid his head back against the wall and sighed loudly, feeling his chest shudder as the built up pressure there left him slowly; Lavi looked at him in an almost curious way, cocking his head to one side and raising an eyebrow slightly as his mouth turned down a little into an expression that Kanda hadn't seen for a very long time on his friend.

"If you were to say no," the older exorcist said finally, taking his time over each word, "then you'd be going against your word. Don't do that. Please, Lavi, just for once, don't give me a reason to want to kill you." _'Anymore than I already do.'_

Lavi sat upright at that, resting heavily on his knees so that he didn't cause any discomfort to the man below him, "eh, you're lucky, Yuu," he said with a sigh that matched Kanda's, "if I didn't have someone else that I was starting to like, then I'd refuse and probably fuck you into the wall before you could even shout abuse at me in Japanese. Now that's somethin' coming from a guy who loves ya."

Kanda narrowed his eyes at the apprentice Bookman, trying to figure out if he'd heard him right or if his hearing was going too now in place of his muscles starting to come alive again gradually. "What?" he asked, frowning and feeling utterly dominated, what with having Lavi's face so high above him now, "you do?" He purposely didn't pay attention to the wall comment; thinking of that would only make him realise how much he wanted Allen in his now partially turned-on state. Damn that redhead for doing this to him.

"Yeah," Lavi said, mentally scolding himself for letting that slip, "I do. And I'm sorry, Yuu. I really am." carefully, he got off the older man's hips and knelt down next to him, brushing the dark bangs out of the samurai's eyes.

"For what?"

"For ever loving you."

"Oh."

"It hurts somethin' bad though, to give up and watch you be with Allen. It really does."

"Che. After what you just did to me, I'm not even going to say sorry."

Lavi's mouth broke into a grin that almost looked forced. "Not even in Japanese?"

"No."

"Please? You hardly ever get to talk in your own language Yuu, I thought you'd jump at the chance."

"_Damare, bakayaro_."

"See! Haha~ you couldn't resist!"

"Lavi," his voice was lower and more dangerous now, and for some reason even his eyes looked darker, "the feeling in my muscles has come back almost completely now, and once I'm able to stand, which should be _very_ soon now, I won't hesitate to throttle you. Understood?"

Lavi laughed at this, loving the way that Kanda issued empty threats, "yeah yeah Yuu-chan," he smiled, adoring the frown that settled itself lower on the exorcist's features, "I get it. But if you're not going to speak it then can I? I love your language, it's so pretty and it _so _doesn't make any sense to me-"

He had to stop talking abruptly when Kanda's left fist came into sharp contact with the side of his face. _'So what if his mood changed so suddenly,' _Kanda reasoned with himself, rubbing his knuckles fiercely and glaring at the exorcist who was sure to have a nice big bruise on his cheek soon, _'I'm a fool for giving a damn. He can be as happy as a brainless flea for all I care after what happened, makes no difference to me.'_

"Help me up, retard," he ordered Lavi, holding out a hand for the taller man to grasp, "I can't stand up easily, not after wasting all that energy on hitting you."

Lavi obliged, smiling slightly at the man even though it hurt his throbbing cheek to do so. Now was definitely the time to emotionally let go. Now, at last, he could turn around, say goodbye, and be on his way to getting over such a harsh and cold person. He could move on to someone else, with the help of a certain sweet and kind woman. "Certainly, Kanda," he said, taking the hand that was offered to him and standing up first himself before helping up his friend; he didn't respond to the look of shock spread across Kanda's face at the use of his preferred name, "and again, I'm sorry."

-----------

Allen swung his legs back and forth, wishing that his legs were bare now so that he could feel the rush of cool wind on his skin as he did so. He was sitting on Miranda's bed quite happily, looking around her room with interest as today was the first time he'd been in there properly; like Lenalee's room, the German woman's room was filled with light streaming in from the window and it smelled like flowers of some sort - tulips, probably. Allen wasn't very good when it came to naming flowers. Everything was organised neatly; the small pile of paper on the little dark wood desk held down in place by a cat shaped paper weight, the evening dress worn the previous night hanging up on the open wardrobe door, the mound of clothes folded tightly on the chair that stood by the window… it really was a lovely room, especially when compared to Allen's own dull and empty area.

The British boy looked up at the female exorcist, who was standing beside him and chewing on her lower lip a little, and smiled at her affectionately. He still wasn't sure why she'd brought him back here when he wanted to go and eat breakfast with Kanda, maybe find the chance to spill orange juice down himself and insist that the man should suck it from his clothes as seductively as possible. That would be nice. And, now that he thought about it, Lavi wasn't there anymore; when had he gone out?

Miranda smiled back at him a little nervously, desparately thinking of some reason she could give to the boy for interrupting his time with the antisocial exorcist. Inhaling deeply, she finally thought of something that at least sounded halfway decent.

"Allen-kun," she said, not letting her smile falter as she willed herself to speak; this was actually something that she needed to talk to with someone close to her, and preferably not Lenalee, since the poor girl had looked troubled yesterday at the party despite what she had said, "I actually need to ask you something, if that's not too much bother."

Allen raised his eyebrows to attention, sitting forwards slightly and stopping the swinging of his legs, "Of course," he said happily, trying not to imagine just _where_ he could have let the orange juice fall, "I'm always here for you Miranda, you know that." The woman blushed slightly and looked away. "What's the matter?"

The woman had her lower lip in between her teeth now, worrying it like a puppy on a rug. _'How can I just blurt it all out to him now?' _she asked herself, thinking hard about whether she should say anything after all, _'I'm not even sure if what I think is right, anyway. I could be wrong, but… I think a part of me hopes I'm not."_

Allen inclined his head to one side in such a way that made him look quite cute. "Miranda?" he asked, trying to prompt her speech, "everything ok? You look worried for some reason now."

Miranda laughed lightly but nervously, covering her mouth with her fingers as she did, "no Allen-kun it's ok, I was just… thinking." He still looked mildly confused. "About how to phrase this," she added. Allen smiled and nodded.

"Take your time."

The female exorcist inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly; it wasn't a big deal, right? There was nothing to worry about, right? Just by telling Allen what she thought she couldn't harm anyone else, namely Lavi, could she? No. "It's about Lavi," she said slowly, thinking about each word before saying it, "I'm starting to think that maybe… I don't know how to say this, given the current circumstances concerning Kanda-san…"

"You like him?"

Miranda gaped at the boy openly, her jaw hanging low in disbelief; how could she have given that impression? "N-No!" she spluttered, a hint of a blush coming onto her cheeks now at such a thought, "that's not what I meant! Well, yes I like Lavi, but not like that!" Allen nodded and waited for her to explain. She took another deep breath in to calm herself down, and then carried on again, "what I mean is… I think he might like someone else too. Maybe not as much as Kanda-san, but…"

Allen sat up straighter at this; this was news to him. He hadn't even imagined that Lavi could like anyone other than the Japanese man. After all, he wasn't even supposed to like him anyway, what with being a Bookman and all and apparently having no heart. "Who is it?" he asked, confused, "Lenalee? Because I think they'd be quite cute together."

Miranda shook her head quickly, "no, not Lenalee-chan," she said with a little hesitation, "I think that, despite what he says… I think he likes _me_."

"You?!" Allen exclaimed, not sure if he heard her right, "but he keeps going on about how much he loves only Kanda! And also, you guys are friends! And you're older than him - actually, he does seem to like older women - and you two are _friends_."

Miranda shifted her weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably, feeling uneasy. It really had been a mistake to think such ridiculous things after all. "I know, I know," she said without much conviction, "I know we're friends, but I still can't help but get the feeling that he does. I feel like a typical teenaged girl now, with all of this 'does he doesn't he' talk…"

"Well," the white haired boy said, folding his arms across his chest and mentally agreeing with the teenager remark, "I think you should ask him, if you want my opinion Miranda. Just ask him straight," he put on a feminine voice now, trying to copy Miranda's usual tone, "say, 'Lavi, I have to know, who else do you like aside from Kanda-san! You're confusing me and I need an answer!' Ok?"

A voice from the doorway shut them both up quickly, "your voice was too high, Moyashi-chan. And that was too dramatic as well."

Kanda stood there, leaning heavily against the doorframe and looking far too tired out for someone who had only walked a relatively short distance. His loose hair stuck to his neck and cheeks from the sweat and his bangs were brushed out of his eyes in such a way that made it appear as though he'd done it in a careless rush, and he was breathing quite heavily. He looked exhausted to say the least.

"Well sorry, BaKanda," Allen retorted, trying his hardest to keep the sudden wave of worry out of his voice; why the hell was Kanda in such a state? What could have possibly happened to him in the short time they'd been apart? Allen gritted his teeth - it had to be Lavi. Damn that rabbit Bookman to hell and back again! If he'd so much as _touched_ Kanda, then Allen would have to personally get rid of him, "I thought it wasn't too bad, to be honest."

The man smiled slightly, standing up a bit straighter and running his fingers through his long hair in an attempt to try and remove it from the back of his neck. As inappropriate as it was, Allen couldn't help but find his lover incredibly attractive like that, all hot and sweaty with his own jacket unzipped all the way, exposing more of his gorgeously toned body.

"Come on," the cursed boy said without waiting for a reply from Kanda; he got off the bed easily and flashed a small smile at Miranda who was looking rather surprised now, "let's go get some breakfast now before we end up fighting too much." He reached the samurai with only a couple of paces and turned back to Miranda quickly, smiling at her again, "Thanks for talking to me about that, Miranda. I'm sure you can figure something out with Lavi if you try."

"And the idiot does like someone else, so you're at least half right," Kanda said, refusing the support that the smaller exorcist offered him with a jerk of his arm, "he said so. Said he's going to give up and leave me alone. He's going to move on, finally. Good riddance to him, too."

Miranda opened her mouth to protest, not liking the way Kanda spoke about her friend so harshly, but thought better of it. There wasn't any point defending the apprentice when the man at the door definitely wouldn't pay any attention to what she had to say.

"Really?" Allen asked, his eyes wide and disbelieving, "he really is going to leave you alone? For good?"

"Che. That's what he said, so I guess so. Now maybe I'll stop dying."

Shit. He'd said it. Kanda mentally kicked himself as hard as he could and was unable to meet his lover's gaze when it was turned to him. He'd really not wanted Allen to find out about him dying or about the most probable cause, not now and not ever, if he could help it. And, even though it wasn't certified yet, he was sure that was the reason behind his suffering - after finding _that person_, the one who loved him above everything else, his curse was meant to be broken, or so he believed. But, having two people who loved him that much couldn't be good, as there should only be one; the hint was given away in the phrase _that person_. It meant one single person.

"What?" Allen said, his voice barely above a whisper, "_What_? You're _dying_?" He looked back at Miranda, who's complexion was much paler than she had done prior to Kanda's slip up, "did you know about this?" The woman only looked at the floor sadly, not trusting herself to look at the silver eyed boy.

"Che." Kanda hissed at his mistake, taking a hold of Allen's shoulder as he felt himself feel slightly dizzy suddenly; he could only presume it was a rush of blood to his head from after shock, since he was meant to be, and was certainly feeling, a lot better. "I'll explain to you in a bit, Moyashi-chan. But not here. Come on, let's go." He took the boy's hand in his own, nodded at poor frightened Miranda, and then led Allen out of the room slowly as he wasn't very stable on his legs yet.

"Kanda!" Allen shouted at the man once they were far out of earshot, "what the fuck? Why didn't you tell me this before?! What's going on?!"

"I only found out just now," he growled, increasing his grip on the hand that was trying to free itself from his, "from Lavi. He heard it from Komui."

That didn't convince the other exorcist. "But you must have known though, right? You _must_ have felt it if you were dying!"

"Che. Only sometimes. Most of the time I'm fine."

"Kan-!"

"And I only noticed it yesterday. Or the day before. Actually, it could have been a few weeks ago, but I didn't notice it that much…"

Allen stopped still, refusing to move even when the Japanese man tugged at his hand to get him to hurry up. Too many thoughts were whirling around in his brain for him to walk and think about them at the same time. Now that he thought about it, something had been off with Kanda for a while; hadn't he said, on multiple occasions, that the man was acting a little out of character? It had happened too many times in too close of a time period for each one to be unrelated coincidences. The boy looked up at Kanda now, the first tears in his silver eyes fully visible for the shocked man to see. How had things come to this. How had the only person he loved more than others, with the exception of Mana, managed to get into such a situation where he was dying? It wasn't fair.

"Moyashi?"

Allen scowled at Kanda even when he came close; he wanted him to hold him tight, to tuck his arms behind his back and let his hands wander harmlessly up his spine, telling the shorter teen that he loved him and that everything was going to be all right, that all of this was just a dream, that there wasn't the danger of losing him. But he didn't. Kanda could have quite easily done any of those things and more, but he didn't, didn't even touch him on the arm or wipe away the tears that broke free from his eyes. He simply looked at him, his expression as close to helpless as he would ever get.

"Those times when you acted a bit strangely," Allen managed to choke out, biting back the rolling sob that was easing up his throat, "they were down to this, weren't they?"

"Most likely."

Allen blinked at him desparately, wanting to be held, but also wanting to hold Kanda in return, to let him know that he was only angry because he _cared_, because he was scared beyond belief at the thought of losing him. He didn't care if Lavi had known first, didn't really mind if he had found out this way. He just didn't want to believe it.

"And now," he continued, sniffing once, "it's taking so much effort for you to walk, stand, and talk. How are you going to get better? How am I meant to take care of you?"

Kanda raised an eyebrow, "Che, you're not. No one takes care of me unless I get really bad, like if I lose a limb or something. And I'm getting better with every minute. When Miranda called you back to talk to you, I couldn't stand or move any part of me. There's no reason to look so miserable now, Moyashi-chan," he added, seeing Allen's expression of pure horror and fear for the man's health, "it all got better quickly. I'm fine."

The white haired boy swallowed hard and wiped away his tears by himself, "if you're fine," he said with a weak smile, "then could you explain why we're not going in the right direction to the cafeteria?"

The question caught the samurai off guard and it showed. He hadn't expected Allen to notice where they were going, and he certainly hadn't expected him to ask about it. He smiled, "shouldn't you be worrying about other things? Che, that part of you will never change, will it."

"Heh?"

"You're too emotional."

"That doesn't fit with what you just said."

Kanda smiled at him again, the expression coming up higher on the right side of his face than on the left, showing his rarely-seen lopsided grin. He looked so stunningly gorgeous like that to Allen. Of course, the Japanese exorcist wouldn't admit to changing the topic and not making sense just to make the boy happier. "No, it doesn't." he said quietly. And then, at last, he closed the small gap between them and sealed their lips together tightly, kissing the shorter hard just as he'd wanted to since Lavi had breached his mouth and invaded against his will. Allen, who had wanted this so much since learning of his partner's condition, moaned softly into the lips on his and kissed back with equal force, deepening it by sliding his tongue in with no resistance from Kanda. He gripped the man by the forearms tightly, not caring if he did so with enough power to bruise the flesh under the open jacket. If Kanda could stand losing control over his body and vision, then a couple of little bruises weren't going to hurt.

The moment would have been perfect if only they had been alone. As far as Kanda was concerned they were, but at the back of his mind, Allen could hear the 14th talking to him, telling him that this was a bad idea and that one day, he would regret it. But Allen paid no attention to the damn Noah. He understood now what it had been trying to tell him before, about how Kanda could never make him happy and how he wouldn't be around for as long as he expected.

With a fresh wave of tears breaking from his closed eyes, Allen vowed to find a way to cure his lover, no matter how hard it would be. Even if he had to give up his own freedom, sanity or life, he would do anything to save Kanda. Absolutely.

-----------

Lavi sat down on the bed heavily, hating the way it creaked under his weight. He tilted back his head slightly and looked at Miranda, who was standing opposite him, through his single green orb. His expression wasn't easily readable, as he was smiling slightly at the woman but it looked like he wanted to frown, and his eye wasn't showing any hints of happiness at all. He looked as if he had given up.

"Lavi," Miranda began softly, not moving from where she stood even though she wanted to, "Kanda-san came back here and took Allen-kun with him. I think Allen-kun might know about Kanda-san's… problem."

"Heh," Lavi snorted, closing his eye slowly, "there won't be a problem anymore, not if I can fix it." He inhaled deeply to explain when Miranda didn't respond, "I said my goodbyes. I'm getting over him now as I speak."

Miranda's eyes widened in surprise; how could he get over him that quickly when he had been that in love with the man? "How?" She asked; Lavi's eye snapped open at her question, regarding her silently, "I mean, how did you… say goodbye?"

"I kissed him."

"Oh, I see-"

"A lot. Everywhere. And I touched him too."

"Lavi! You didn't - did you?" She was blushing hard now, embarrassed to ask such a question of her friend.

"No, not like that, not there. He would have murdered me if I had- actually, he couldn't move, _damn_ I missed my only chance!" The German woman couldn't help giggling at little at his words, even though the thought of such an act made her uncomfortable to say the least. "but still," he continued, ignoring her light laughter, "its over now, no more me wanting Kanda. I'm moving on, treating him like the rest of us do." He looked away from her now, fiddling with the cuff of his long sleeved top, "Its quite easy to stop liking him really, considering I'm not meant to feel in the first place, and it only gets easier if there's someone else there, slowly and gradually taking over from him. Its time for me to let go."

Miranda smiled a little, stepping forward and going down onto her knees so that she was almost level with the redhead. Her conversation with Allen was still fresh in her mind, and Lavi saying that he did actually like someone was almost as if her thoughts were being confirmed. Even if it bothered her a little, she still wanted to be there, as a good friend, no matter what he felt towards whoever it was he wanted.

"Lavi," she said, taking his hand in hers softly, "whoever it is that's replacing Kanda-san in your heart, they are a very lucky…" she couldn't finish suddenly; was it a guy or a girl that he liked now?

"Girl," he said, a light smile on his lips once again, "I like both genders. Well, anyone who's fit and nice, really. Not fussy."

"Right," she nodded, "they're a very lucky girl to be liked by you, Lavi. Very lucky and blessed, too. Don't let someone like Kanda-san stand in your way; you can be happy without him. Tell her how you feel, and I'm sure she'll feel the same."

As his grip tightened on her hand, she realised the mistake she'd made. If it _was_ her that he was falling for, then she had just encouraged him. That was _so_ not the right thing to do… wasn't it?

-----------

"Kanda, are you sure its ok to do this again?"

"Che, were you only expecting to get fucked once in your life? Strange child."

"No, idiot, I mean you're not fully back to normal - don't look at me like that, I know you struggled to walk here - so is it a good idea? Plus, I'm still kinda…" the British boy blushed a little, his nails digging into Kanda's shoulders.

"Kinda?"

"…s-sore."

Kanda's eyes widened slightly, which only increased Allen's blush to a pretty dark pink colour. They were in Allen's room once again after the boy had figured out where the samurai had intended to take him; the Japanese man had wasted no time or energy in getting the smaller exorcist onto the bed, literally picking him up and laying him there despite his faint half-hearted pleas to be put down. Kanda had let himself be pulled over his lover by the collar of his jacket, kneeling over him with his palms either side of his white haired head, knees on either side of his slim hips, owning him. They had kissed once or twice, but both times the contact was fleeting and only made Allen hungry for the man's lips, but Kanda had other areas that needed his attention; he had 'helped' the boy out of his top quickly, tempted to just tear it from his soft skin and have it out the way immediately. Allen had protested against that too much.

Kanda bent down to kiss the younger exorcist's jaw line gently once before answering, ignoring the way the muscles in his arms ached in a dull way, "I didn't mean to hurt you, Moyashi-chan."

Allen smiled at the dark hair in front of his nose, raising a hand to stroke it slowly, "I know, don't worry bout it. It hurts everyone on their first time, and probably second, and maybe even third, I'm not sure."

"We'll have to find out, then."

"Heh, sadist." He squeaked in surprise more than pain as Kanda nipped his neck at his comment. "Ok, you're not a sadist," the boy took back the mock insult, bringing up his other hand to join in and get all tangled up in the long black tresses - he liked to do that. "Hey, Kanda?"

"Hm?"

"It's… I'm not _too_ sore to do it again," he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper as his blush bloomed even more. Kanda drew back from him to look at him properly, wincing a little as the boy pulled his hair harder than he would have liked, "b-but still," he stuttered, wishing that his lover didn't look so tempting like that, what with that unintentionally cute expression of surprised adoration on his face, "I think I should be… y'know… on top this time."

"What?"

"You heard me, It's my turn."

Kanda raised an eyebrow, a smile that looked almost dangerous forming on his lips now too, "Oh? You can be on top, but you sure as hell are not going to be seme."

Before Allen could ask what the man meant, the older exorcist was getting off him - much to his disappointment - and sitting down beside his legs, waiting for him to sit up. He did, wondering what on earth his lover was planning.

Reaching forward and taking him by the waist gently but firmly, Kanda pulled the younger boy forward towards him, sliding him up his covered legs until Allen was straddling his hips, pressing them together in great intimacy and making him blush once again. Kanda only gave him a small smile as he curled his arms behind his back, letting his hands drift down to rest on the belt of his trousers, pushing them down ever so slightly; it was enough to make the boy gasp quietly, at least.

"Like this," the older exorcist said, relishing in Allen's wide-eyed amazement and embarrassment. Despite how innocent he looked at the moment, Kanda could feel him growing harder against his abdomen, and could feel his heart beat beginning to increase through his shirtless chest; the cursed boy was going to enjoy this, pain or no pain. Before the shorter of the two could say whether he agreed to the position or not, the Japanese man's lips were on his in a hot kiss, tugging his mouth open without permission, but also without being rough at the same time - the way that he usually did things. Allen moaned softly against the mouth and the tongue that rubbed against his, pushing his body into the man's harder, his hands coming up to rest behind the other's neck, pulling him in closer, as close as physically possible. All thoughts of strange new positions and who would be seme left his brain rapidly as he tried to hold back and stop himself from taking control and doing the gorgeous person under him right there and then.

With a brisk tug and fumbling of fingers, Kanda managed to unbuckle the offensive belt and pulled it out of the loops, throwing it to the floor like he had done the night before with a loud clatter; neither of them cared. Taking the hint, Allen began yanking the jacket off his lover's shoulders hurriedly, desparately wanting to feel more of that toned smooth skin in his hands now that he was getting into it more - any opportunity to be connected, be it emotionally or physically, to Kanda always made him yearn for more and more no matter how much he received, even if he hadn't originally wanted to do anything. But this time he knew this wasn't going to be just sex, not that last time had been either; it was, in some strange way, the samurai's way of letting the younger boy know that he was here, with him, and that nothing would take him away no matter how hopeless it seemed. It was a bond, keeping them together, much more than something just physical.

"Now it's just yours," Allen said a little breathlessly after discarding his trousers and Kanda's top into a messy heap on the floor, sliding a finger between the man's skin and the clothing, making him shiver slightly, "off with them." The embarrassment was gone now, only to be replaced with utter certainty and want, needing nothing than the Japanese man.

"Che, I can't get them off while you're sitting there," the older exorcist said reasonably, "get off me for a second." Kissing him fleetingly, Allen slipped off his legs and began unbuckling the belt, eager to get it off along with the trousers. Kanda was mildly shocked at his sudden desperation, "hey, Moyashi-chan," he said, helping the boy with his task by unzipping the garment, "what's gotten into you? You were like a blushing virgin a minute ago."

Allen stopped what he was doing briefly, looking at the man through half-hooded lustful silver eyes, "thinking about it now," he said seriously, slipping his hands down the back of Kanda's trousers and boxers to feel the toned backside, watching the way his face twitched at the contact, "I could have lost you today, or yesterday, or anytime since this has been happening." Surprised by Allen's change, the man watched silently as a tear trickled down the boy's cheek for a few seconds before wiping it away with his left index finger, "and that's why I want you so much, because I love you. I can't say it enough times; the words won't express how much I _really_ love you… I have done for so long, just never understood what it was… I _love _you Kanda, and I want to _make_ love to you before you… in case you leave me." Now that he'd let just a little bit of what he was feeling come out into the open, he couldn't stop there - more tears fell from his eyes now, replacing the one that had been wiped away.

Kanda stared at him for a couple of seconds, not quite sure what to make of the situation - Allen's hands were grasping him firmly and his trousers were very low on his hips, but the boy was pouring his heart out and crying. He didn't know whether to be turned on or sympathetic.

"Moyashi-chan," he said, taking the boy's cheeks in his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumbs, "its ok. I'm not going to die. I'm not going to leave you. Ever. Because you're the first person that I've ever felt anything for, beside irritation, although that's still there occasionally." Allen smiled at that, leaning into the hand on the left side of his face, liking the way that Kanda was now tracing his scar gently, "You know what your problem is?" the younger boy shook his head, "you feel too much, more so than most other people. But I quite like you like this."

Pulling him in closer, the Japanese man kissed him with uncharacteristic tenderness and feeling, caressing his lips with his own with such a gentle and soft touch that Allen was sure he was being held by someone completely different. The British boy returned the gentle touch back, using the distraction to cease his tears, and to also finally pull the trousers further down his lover's legs until they bunched up around his knees, unable to go much lower while they were both in their kneeling position. Letting go of him briefly, Kanda removed the clothes and let them drop from his hand to the floor to join the other garments there, and then turned his attention back to his love interest.

"You still want to do this?" he asked; if the boy said no, then he doubted that he would be able to take that as an answer, because despite the Moyashi's mood change and crying, he was still hard and very much turned on.

And so was Allen. "Of course," he said, wiping away his last tear and snuffling close to him again, "nothing could change my mind." With sudden aggressiveness he pushed Kanda back by his shoulders, making him sit down in a position very much like seiza. Before the man could move or say anything Allen was on him again, knees either side of his hips, arms circling his neck and his fingers returning to his long hair, gently tugging at it as he got his digits arranged there comfortably.

The exorcist kissed his collarbone with a small smile, taking note of the way his smaller lover shivered against it. "Good," he said, laying his cheek against the soft pale skin, "I should hope not too." He kissed the boy again lightly before dipping his head downwards and running his tongue over the right erect nipple, his grip on Allen's hips tightening as the white haired boy gasped at it and arched his back slightly, unexpectedly feeling more aroused by the sudden wet and warm contact on such a sensitive area. He shivered again, clinging onto Kanda's hair tighter as the older man held the nub between his teeth with enough force to make his presence known but without hurting the English, and he suppressed a quiet moan when he felt the tongue run over the end; how was it that the samurai knew exactly how to touch him and how much of it he wanted? The pressure applied was always the right amount and the contact was always over sooner than he would have liked, leaving him aching for more.

"More," he breathed, unconsciously rolling his hips forwards slightly, his hardened member pressing against Kanda in an almost agonizing way, begging to be touched, "more Kanda. I ne-need more of you."

He opened his eyes - although he couldn't remember shutting them - when he felt the man's fingers pressed lightly against his lips, tracing them, asking them to part. He looked at his partner curiously, not quite sure what he wanted him to do.

"Open your mouth," the Japanese instructed, "suck on them; make them wet."

The boy did as he was told without hesitation, swallowing the first two digits and then the third when it pushed its way in stubbornly. Still being naïve as to what the point of this was, Allen kept his eyes locked on Kanda's two dark ones as he tried to find an answer in them while silently rolling his tongue against the intrusive fingers, taking care not to close his teeth over them or to push them too far into his mouth in fear of gagging on them. The man just regarded him in silence as well, his eyes never leaving Allen's. Without warning, he seemed to decide that they were sufficiently covered with saliva and pulled them out of the exorcist's mouth in one swift motion, still not enlightening him on what he was going to do.

The night before, they had used the remains of Lenalee's hand cream as a lubricant (it was her fault for leaving it in there in the first place), and Allen hadn't seen the older man rub it over his hands and lower body as he had been facing the wall for the most part, so he was still innocent to the whole ordeal of lubrication. He really was a child sometimes.

It didn't take him long to figure out what those saliva-slick digits were going to be doing though. As the first one was pushed into him slowly he inhaled sharply, letting go of Kanda's hair to move his hands to his shoulders instead now, gripping him tightly as he did. One finger didn't hurt all that much after a second or two, but he knew it was going to get more painful. Noticing that the Japanese man wasn't going in any further than the initial probe, probably because he was aware that he could be hurting his younger lover, Allen kissed him open mouthed in reassurance and lowered himself down maybe just a little bit too fast, only stopping once he felt the knuckle against his entrance. Somehow, it felt strangely good.

"You ok?" Kanda asked, breaking the kiss much to the boy's dislike, "I don't want to hurt you anymore than yesterday."

"Its fine," Allen gasped, feeling the second finger coming in to join in as he said the words "don't worry about it. If it hurts then I'll- _a-ahh_…"

As he had been talking, Allen had lowered himself onto both digits together almost hurriedly, pushing them deep inside himself until they brushed against a certain bunch of nerves quite high up; the exorcist pushed himself down harder as the samurai pushed up at the same time, causing the boy to roll his hips forward again gently and tilt his head back against the sensational pleasure that was breaking through the pain in the muscles that still clamped around the man's fingers rather tightly. He let out a quiet shuddering sigh as his lover stroked against the spot a couple of times, making him begin to lose his mind to the incredible touch. If he wasn't careful, he'd climax before the older teenager even had a chance to do him. Damn this man for being so amazing with his hands.

The only resistance the man met when he introduced the third finger was a whimper of mild pain from the boy on him. He went slowly, not wanting to stretch him too much too quickly so that the sensitive muscles ripped and bled, although that would certainly help to make things more… easy to move. It was surprising how little Allen complained and showed that he was hurting, given that a few minutes prior he had said that he was sore. _'Maybe he's just keeping quiet,' _Kanda thought, stretching his fingers wider to loosen up the tight space a little more, taking care not to scratch the soft flesh with his short nails. Allen found that uncomfortable to say the least; tears formed in his eyes as he was pulled more open slowly, and the nerves were no longer being touched so the pleasure was subsiding rapidly, leaving only uncomfortable pain.

"If it hurts then you'll what?" the older man asked, his voice a little breathless, his forehead resting in the curve of the boy's neck, "you didn't finish you-your sentence." He exhaled against the warm skin, and then dragged his tongue up the pale column, licking off the moisture from his breath, feeling the minute moan in Allen's throat vibrate against him.

The English smiled a little, his brow furrowed against the pain slightly, "then, I'll have to be seme."

Kanda nearly laughed but managed to just about hold it in. The Bean Sprout could be so stupid sometimes; as if he would ever be seme while with him. "Che, that won't happen."

"Good thing I'm not hurting yet, then." Lies. But still, the ache wasn't great enough to make him verbally express it.

He whimpered loudly when the intruding fingers slipped out of his body suddenly without warning, resettling on his right hip as he began realising just how good they had actually felt within him. As he opened his mouth to protest loudly, his speech only met Kanda's tongue that had been pressed in there without any second thoughts; allowing himself to be pulled higher up the taller exorcist's lap without complaint, Allen understood how much he really wanted this, and really, honestly, wanted the man that he had spent most of his time arguing with up until recently. He had never dreamed, never once imagined, that he would be allowed to kiss him, never mind being held like this and having something very hard pressed against his entrance now.

Snapping out of his thoughts quickly, Allen sunk his nails deeper into the man's skin to prepare himself for what came next, watching as the tiny scratches healed almost instantly - it was then that he truly appreciated how amazing the Japanese man was.

"Ready?"

"Stop worrying and fuck me; it's not like you to care."

"Che. I care about you and you know it, Moyashi-chan."

Kanda looked at him for a couple of seconds, his eyes slightly glazed over due to lust, making sure that the cursed boy really was all right. He seemed to be thinking too much.

"…I love you."

That was enough of a confirmation for the man. Lowering him onto his erection slowly, very slowly, Kanda thrust up into the smaller body as slowly as he could manage, allowing time for Allen to get used to him within his body centimetre by centimetre, inch by inch. It was tight, borderline too tight, but he was still able to breach him with relative ease, although at the given angle it was going to be Allen doing most of the work.

He could have screamed from the pain as his lover gradually went deeper, but he didn't; instead, his mouth opened into an expression of pain, growing wider the further Kanda went. He bit back the tears that welled up in his eyes, trying his best to adjust his body to make the ache lessen - arching his back and, in result, pushing his chest hard in the taller man's, Allen moved his knees apart more than they had been to try and make the area larger, but in doing so he only went down a little bit further on Kanda, driving him in until he was nearly buried to the hilt. Allen did moan then, a soft voice issuing from his lips that announced discomfort but also keen arousal - he wanted him there. He wanted Kanda, only Kanda, to be inside him like this, making him feel such an array of colourful emotions and sensations.

He rose again, timing himself to how the samurai moved, pulling the hard organ almost all of the way out of the hot space only to push it back in again a little quicker than the last time, another broken moan spilling from his open mouth as he did so. It still hurt, and it wasn't feeling good yet, but he knew it would soon. He only hoped he could make the other exorcist feel as good as he had done only yesterday.

They met again for the third time, coming into hard contact at a slightly quicker pace to last time, and then Allen felt it. That delicious notch within him had been touched again, so soon into it that he almost couldn't believe it. The boy's breathing rate began to increase and he started to perspire more, making his bangs stick to his forehead a little from the moisture. Kanda felt the change in him straight away and thrust into him harder, hitting the nerves once more, this time causing the British boy to cry out, throwing his head back and rocking his hips into his lover, his own weeping member aching to be touched as Kanda increased their pace, not once breaking eye contact with his partner - he wanted to see every expression, every twitch of every muscle, because last time he had missed it and he regretted that.

"K-Kan…da…" Allen murmured, his eyes half closed with lust and a very cute blush across his features; his left hand came up to rest on the Japanese man's cheek softly despite the roughness of the Innocence, "I… please, my…"

He understood exactly what the boy was trying to say. Pulling him into a rather wet and breathless kiss, Kanda slipped his hand down between their bodies and took hold of Allen's erection, stroking it hard when the younger rocked his hips into the touch gently, whimpering with pleasure and clinging tighter to the man when he began timing the two movements to match each other's speed. Neither would last long now, not with Allen making those adorably erotic noises each time he was touched at the core.

It was Kanda who came first, his whole frame going rigid and taut, releasing hard inside Allen and pushing him over the edge with him only seconds afterwards with a perfectly timed pump of his fist, both of them riding out the incredible wave of sheer pleasure while maintaining eye contact, neither finding it embarrassing or awkward as Kanda's chest got covered with the warm sticky substance. Their hot breath mingled for they were so close, but they didn't kiss in fear of stealing each other's remaining oxygen - they felt like their lungs were going to burn from lack of breathing.

As orgasm faded, the dark haired man's already aching muscles gave out on and he fell backwards, his hair that had previously been stuck to his back now fanning out behind him as he did so. Allen followed, collapsing ungraciously on top of his chest and making his own sticky in the process; it was no big deal, it could be cleaned up later.

"I love you," the boy said thickly into his lover's neck, breathing deeply and quickly, trying to get oxygen back in his blood as fast as possible.

"Me too," Kanda shuddered, realising how cold it had gotten in the room as he embraced the smaller body on his lightly, "_aishiteru, Moyashi-chan._"

Allen smiled into the man's skin, letting his eyes drop closed, "never knew you could be romantic, Kanda. If doing you is the only way I can get you to be like this then I should do it more often."

"Che, and I should do it more often since it keeps you quiet for a while."

"Such kind words…"

Kanda tried to retort but couldn't find the will to do so. His whole body felt so tired now, pleading for sleep after being unreasonably exhausted straight after an incomplete recovery, urging him to close his eyes and just lay there, using Allen as a blanket. He was almost angry with himself for not resisting.

Allen raised his head from off the samurai curiously, wondering why he hadn't received any kind of come back. When he saw him lying there, head lolling to one side with his eyes closed, the boy had to stifle a chuckle when he realised his lover had fallen asleep; if he hadn't known the reason behind his sudden fatigue, then he would have teased the crap out of him when he woke up. Instead though, he kissed each eyelid gently and pulled the duvet - which had fallen off the bed in the process - up and over them, keeping them warm. He didn't even try to sleep; listening to and feeling the calming rhythm of Kanda breathing in and out slowly underneath him was worth staying awake for.

**-----------**

**So, let me know what you thought! And I reckon this has about 2-3 chapters left in it, maybe 1 if I lose my muse :O thanks for sticking with it! Triangle has been a good run ;D I love reviews and so does the Yullen couple :3  
Love~**


	16. And time won't continue

**Triangle Chapter 16**

**I know its been more than a month since my last update on this and I am SO SORRY! T____T I had it done up to abput 80 percent complete, and then my HD broke and everything got deleted from it (including my animu D:) so Triangle 16 died with it Q___Q so I had to re-write it from the start and I just... couldn't get motivated ¬__¬; but at long last it is here! ^^ next chapter will probably be the last one! Hooray~ I'll have finished my first fic! :3 and to everyone who reviewed my last chapter, I haven't replied because I can't get onto my hotmail Dx but I'll be getting a new one so I'll reply from now on! Lovelove~**

**Warnings: Umm... none really. Kanda threatening Allen and Allen agreeing... mild shounen-ai... none of the intended hard-core yaoi -shoot-**

**Disclaimer: If I owned -man I would be the happiest girl alive and Allen would forever be an Uke **

**-----------**

To Lavi, a lot could happen in two weeks. Some people think that just fourteen days isn't long enough for anything significant to take place, but under the right circumstances even a miracle could be performed. Well, to be honest, the miracle could happen in less than a second, never mind a whole week. But these things usually take time.

The redhead opened his one good eye slowly, blinking a couple of times before giving up on waking up and closing it again. It had emotionally been a difficult two weeks to say the least; at every meal, every briefing with Komui, every time he wanted to go anywhere, there was Allen and Kanda, always side by side, reminding him of the fact that he had let go of someone that important. Sure, it had been at his own free will, but he would have been a much happier person if it had been the Bean Sprout who had left his Yuu-chan alone. But wishing such things was just spiteful and cruel to say the least - hadn't he done this to save the damn bastard? And said damn bastard hadn't even said 'thanks', in fact, for the last week before his mission he hadn't shown Lavi any recognition at all. Not even a 'Baka-Usagi' insult had been issued.

And it hurt.

The Bookman knew that it wasn't love that he felt for Kanda anymore, since that feeling had left him quite easily to his immense surprise - with just a little bit of effort and by constantly telling himself that the guy with the superiority-complex was a bigger idiot and moron than anyone could have ever imagined, Lavi was able to shut away his romantic feelings. Instead now there was only a dull ache in the heart that he wasn't meant to have, making him feel miserable and lethargic all the time, and he couldn't stop it; usually when he felt such blindingly strong feelings, he was able to get rid of them with moderate ease… but not this time.

He sighed into his arms, which he was resting his head on, and opened his eye again. Miranda was late. Very late, in fact. He'd been waiting there in the library for almost an hour after their agreed meeting time, and the German exorcist was still no where to be seen. _'I should really go look for her,' _the man thought to himself as he sat up and stretched, his muscles aching from napping in such an uncomfortable position, _'she's probably forgotten where we were supposed to meet.'_ A small smile crept onto his lips as he thought about how strange they were together; up until just recently, they hadn't been close at all, just two exorcists who worked together and happened to know each other. Still though, there had been that time when Miranda had tried to stop him from leaving the ship on the way to Edo. That had been the first time that Lavi had really looked at her as something more than just a name on paper. She would always be much more than that to him now.

"I really should thank Kanda for bringing Miranda and I close together, if he's back already," he mumbled to himself as he stood up and pushed the chair under the table. The redhead frowned a little, his eye downcast as if he was thinking deeply: calling the Japanese man by his preferred name felt alien to him. Ever since he had known him he had called him 'Yuu' or Yuu-chan', regardless of how much his friend hated it. But now that was over, it was time to treat him as everyone else did. That resolution had been reached when he'd said goodbye two weeks ago. "Maybe I should go do that now," he continued to himself, going to leave the library, "that is, if he's not _too busy _fucking Allen within his first few minutes of coming home."

The comment earned a kind of bitter chuckle as he opened the door and left quietly, avoiding eye contact with Bookman as he did. Now wasn't the time for the old man to read his feelings like words on a page.

-----------

The reason why Miranda hadn't turned up to meet her redheaded friend was because she had been talked into having lunch with Allen and Lenalee when she had passed them outside the cafeteria, even though she had tried to gently refuse their offer. Both of the teenaged exorcists were in high spirits today as Krory had finally woken up that morning, confused beyond belief when he was filled in on how much he had missed; no one told him about Kanda and Allen getting together or about the Japanese man's near encounter with death - it was better to leave the shocking news to later on, when he was feeling completely better and fully awake.

The German woman sighed silently to herself when she once again tried to excuse herself so that she could at least turn up late at the library rather than miss the chance altogether. Those two were just too insistent on keeping her there, and she didn't know why. Even though there probably wasn't any other reason besides just wanting to share her company for a while longer, Miranda couldn't help but suspect that there was another goal.

There clearly was none.

"And so," Lenalee was saying, twirling her fork around in her fingers delicately as she laid a hand on Miranda's shoulder to stop her from standing and leaving their table, "Kanda'll be back from his mission later on today, won't he? Aren't you excited, Allen?"

The white haired boy nodded, a little less vigorously than the girls would have expected him to, taking an enormous bite from the sandwich he was holding. Earlier that week, Kanda had been given a normal run-of-the-mill go-kill-this-Akuma-here mission by Komui, and he had left within minutes, not even telling Allen where he was going; the cursed boy had found out later from Chaoji, who had seen him go. Words could not describe how pissed off that had made him - why hadn't the idiot said anything to him? The boy had concluded with a laugh that the Japanese exorcist was married to his job and that Allen was his bit on the side. It was funny to think of it like that.

"Yeah," he said thickly through a mouthful of bread and ham, "he will. And when I see him I'll give him such an earful that he'll regret coming back." He continued on with his lunch at an angry pace, barely even stopping to chew or pay attention to Timcanpy, who had just settled on top of his hair. Miranda and Lenalee exchanged looks.

"Allen-kun," Miranda started gently, pausing briefly as the boy seemed to have difficulty swallowing for a moment, "did you two have a fight before Kanda-san left?"

"No," he said bluntly, reaching for the next sandwich from the huge plate in the middle of the table after successfully swallowing the previous mouthful, "he just acted like the arrogant unfeeling retard that he usually is to everyone but me. Just goes to show that I'm no different to anyone else."

"I don't think that's the case, really," the Chinese girl interjected, earning a swift glare from her friend and making her wonder if he had learnt it from his lover, "that's how Kanda is. If he's given a mission he'll just go and do it without a word and then bitch about it when he gets home. It's what he does; don't take it personally, ok? There's no reason to get upset about it."

"I'm not upset." Allen scoffed, sounding like he was a child, "I just want to know where he is, in case he gets ill again." He paused to wipe some crumbs from his mouth, not looking at the two female exorcists, and then added in a much softer tone, "I worry about him, you know. All the time; I'm afraid to leave him alone in case he collapses and there's nothing I can do about it, in case I can't reach him in time, and in case he actually dies without me there to say goodbye. There's only been once where I actually thought 'this is the end', and I never want that to happen again. I… I l-love him too much to not worry all the time." He frowned as his cheeks turned pale pink and crammed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth in a hurry, as if in doing so he could erase everything he'd just said. And in doing so, he apparently didn't see Lavi sit down at the table with them, seating himself beside Miranda and opposite him.

"Sorry I couldn't make it," the woman mouthed in an apologetic way to Lavi, who just smiled almost sadly at her. She laid a hand on top of his, concern in her eyes now; the apprentice Bookman just shook his head silently, looking back at Allen, who was currently being comforted by Lenalee's words.

"I'm sorry Allen," the girl was saying, even though the British was firmly wearing an expression that said he was indifferent to what he had said, "but I understand better now, we all do. Does Kanda know how much you worry?" Allen nodded once. "Then definitely don't talk to him when he gets back! Make him worry about _you_ rather than the other way round for once!"

"Lenalee," Lavi said with a smile that almost looked like a grin, "maybe that's not the best way to go about things." He ignored the look she gave him, "don't you think?"

"Kanda should learn that he's not oh-so-much better than the rest of us, especially Allen, that's what I mean."

"No, I don't think that he thinks like that..."

"Yeah 'e does."

"Eww, don't talk with your mouth full man, its gross. And I thought you loved the guy?"

"I do. I'm just acknowledging that this is how Kanda is, and I doubt that if I get a little bit mad at him things will change. Just leave him as he is; I'll deal with him. It doesn't bother me all that much most of the time, just at the moment... and when did you get here, Lavi?"

Lavi grinned at the younger exorcist; he was right to think that he hadn't noticed him come in, what with being too absorbed with Kanda-bashing. "Only just got here. And don't worry about it; everyone has to have a good rant about the person they love the most now and then. All's good, right?"

The white haired boy nodded in mild amusement, looking at Lavi properly for the first time since he'd joined them at the table. It was a relief, to say the least, to be able to talk to the apprentice Bookman like they were the good friends that they were without having the worry of him trying things on with the samurai, or wondering if he hated Allen for 'taking' Kanda away from him. Now that things were pretty much back to normal, the boy felt so much more relaxed with Lavi, and he was sure that he felt the same. It was really quite nice; trying to avoid his brother-figure for reasons that he thought ridiculous had made him miserable, even if he hadn't shown it, and he had always tried his best not to think unfair and cruel thoughts about Lavi - even if he voiced things that seemed to suggest he felt like this, he honestly didn't. He'd just wanted things back to how they had always been between the two of them.

"Yeah, I think you're right," Allen said in a soft voice, replying to Lavi a little later than he would have normally as he looked at him to meet his single green eye, feeling genuinely pleased to see the real smile on the other guy's face, "there's nothing wrong with it, once in a while."

"Oh!" Lenalee clapped her hands together, surprising the English boy, "Allen's been thinking hard, haven't you?"

"Eh? Well, maybe just a little," he said, his anger at Kanda now subsiding slowly to make way for his usual calmer manner, "You could tell?"

"You took a long pause before replying," Miranda added in quietly, earning an encouraging squeeze of her hand from Lavi, "and your expression kind of got softer for a second... so it seemed like you were..."

"She's observant," Lavi smiled at the German woman fondly, "of course Miranda would notice."

Lenalee raised an eyebrow slightly, leaning her chin on her palms as she looked at the pair opposite her with marginally narrowed eyes. There was something just not right about Miranda and Lavi's relationship, as far as she could see. Too often were the two of them _touching _each other, and while it was never inappropriate contact it was definitely more frequent and more intimate than most friends considered normal. _'Like, for example,' _she thought to herself as she noted the way Miranda now had a hand on top of Lavi's own, which was still holding her other one, _'Allen and I are close friends, but we're never seen holding hands like that, with the exception of perhaps during very difficult times. Granted, girls quite often hold hands and whatnot when they're good friends, but rarely with a man... I can't believe they're just friends. It doesn't feel like that at all.'_

Allen seemed to have noticed this too, but voiced it while Lenalee didn't. "Enough of whether I was thinking or not," he said a little louder than necessary, leaning on his elbows now and totally ignoring the forgotten sandwich, "you've moved on pretty fast, haven't you, Lavi?"

The redhead looked honestly shocked by his friend's question, and so did Miranda. Both blinked at him a couple of times before responding in any way. "Well, yeah, I guess so," Lavi said, scratching his cheek with an index finger, "I'm not totally in love with Kanda anymore, if that's what you mean... is it?"

"And all this about calling Kanda by his preferred name," Lenalee verbally joined in now, ignoring his question, "you can still call him Yuu if you want to! You always have, and he probably finds to more weird for you to change what you call him rather than just carry on with his first name."

Lavi looked at the German woman by his side for help, wondering why the two younger exorcists had suddenly ganged up on him; Miranda only looked away from him, unable to help.

"What I meant," Allen continued, not waiting for the man to give him a response, "is that the two of you seem very close. What's going on here? It isn't fair to not tell us!"

"Nothing's going on," Miranda said, looking at the table and blushing pink, "there's nothing at all. We're just friends who happen to be closer than most others. T-There's nothing wrong with that and I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it."

"No, we know there's nothing wrong with it, just that-"

"Right," Lavi spoke up, relieving Miranda, who gratefully accepted, "she said there's nothing so there's nothing. Stop doubting us, ok?"

Allen's eyes narrowed very slightly; was it him, or was there a hint of remorse in what the Bookman had just said? It wasn't very strong and didn't make what he felt obvious, but it was certainly there, hidden away. _'Could it be,' _Allen thought with a shock, watching Lavi and Lenalee bicker now but not really paying attention to it, _'that Lavi likes Miranda?' _He internally laughed a little, picking up the neglected sandwich and munching on it once again, _'idiot,' _he told himself, _'even if he didn't know it, I did right from the start. There's always been two people in his heart, he's just failed to notice it until now... maybe. Perhaps he still doesn't know it; what a funny guy.'_

Finishing the sandwich quickly, the snow-haired boy rose from his chair with a fair amount of noise, signalling that he was leaving. "Sorry everyone," he smiled at them innocently, "but I'll leave you to sort this out. I'm going to go ask Komui what time he thinks Kanda'll be back. See you later."

With a wave and another smile at Lenalee who tried to make him stay and support her, Allen left the cafeteria feeling light and pleased, sharply in contrast to how he had entered. He felt a rather smug grin creep onto his lips as he turned the corner and was out of sight from the others; he had _figured it out_. Even if he was proved to be wrong, he still considered himself right, in some strange way. There was more to it than just simple friendship – it had been the case with himself and Kanda not so long ago. True, they hadn't behaved like that together during the lead-up to getting together (and they rarely did in public now since Kanda got funny about it), but there had been a certain atmosphere between them, and Allen had always tried hard to stay close to the older man even before he actually understood what he felt. He'd always assumed that it was so that he could bitch at him should he feel the need, but it turned out that those comments had only been made to cover what he was unconsciously feeling. The same couldn't necessarily be said for Kanda though – he hadn't asked him.

There was something going on, all right. He could only wish for his friends to be happy together. And he was going to see his lover shortly – today was turning out to be very productive after all.

-----------

"So, were there any casualties while you were there, or did everything go smoothly? I need this for the report."

"Che, there was one idiot there who insisted on watching me get rid of the Akuma, which were all level 2 and not piss-easy to kill, and he ended up getting in the way and hurt. Other than that all was good."

"He wasn't hurt by _you_, was he?"

"No. But nearly."

Komui looked at the stoic swordsman from over the top of his glasses, regarding him for a couple of seconds before scribbling a note onto the paper at his hands. Kanda glared at him, not intentionally but rather because that was the expression he always wore when he had to recall a not particularly good mission. But then again, he rarely ever considered a mission 'good'.

The first thing that the exorcist had wanted to do when he'd gotten back was head for his room without disturbances and sleep for a few hours, since he had barely been given the chance to close his eyes for the whole 3 days he'd been away due to a very annoying Finder and the young man who had insisted on following him everywhere; the moron had even claimed to be an exorcist until Kanda had threatened to call Komui and confirm that he in fact wasn't. To the samurai's dismay, his supervisor had prevented any forms of rest as he had been there to meet him as soon as he had got back, demanding that Kanda should give a report straight away – it was like the man was afraid of him dropping dead upon return.

"It shouldn't even come close to 'nearly', Kanda-kun," Komui said as if it was a standard response that he'd given many a time, "you know not to even think about harming civilians when on a mission, or any other time."

Kanda folded his arms, "it won't happen again." That was also the standard response that he had given far too many times and he didn't sound convincing in the slightest. Komui decided to let it slip for now; there were more pressing matters to attend to.

"Any other problems?" he asked, pen poised, ready to write anything the man said, "anything concerning your body?"

"It aches like fuck from sitting on a train for too long."

Komui sighed quietly and leaned in over his desk a little more, dropping his voice into a low tone of concern, "you know what I mean, Kanda-kun," he said quietly, lacing his fingers together under his chin, "and I'd appreciate it if you'd look at me when I'm talking about something so important."

Kanda did as he was asked, frowning more than necessary. "Everything's fine," he said in a low tone, "I won't die on you now, Komui. You don't have to worry about me."

"But I do, you see." the scientist replied quickly, holding the Japanese's gaze and matching his frown, "Even though the science department investigated you and your curse until they concluded you should be fine if only Allen feels for you, it's still not set in stone. The boy's feelings fluctuate and I'm sure you can feel it when they do; when he's angry with you, you probably feel a lot better than when he's kissing you or being held in your arms."

"Watch how far you go, siscon."

"Don't get embarrassed, I'm using it as an example! I'm just trying to get the point across that you can't go round thinking 'since Lavi's not involved anymore I'll be totally fine' because you are likely to not be. Just... be aware that you might not be able to fight for as long as you used to without a rest, and you might not heal as quickly as you once did... even normal, everyday things like waking up may take longer than before. You need to recognise all of these possibilities, Kanda-kun."

Kanda che'd and bit back a remark that would certainly make Komui deem him as unfit for human socialising, instead choosing to go for a more appropriate reply. "I don't care, honestly," he said after a short pause, "because I'd rather be like this than without the little idiot, and he knows it too." He stopped, watching for a reaction from the scientist; if he wanted to say anything to that then he was doing a great job at hiding it, as he seemed to be more interested in what was in the doorway. The man turned round to see where Komui was looking and found Allen standing in the doorway, apparently embarrassed at being noticed.

"Oh..." he said nervously, waving a gloved hand at them stupidly, "I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, I just came here to ask when Kanda would be back... and he's back, so... I'll go now..."

As he turned to leave, the Japanese man stood to go with him – he'd missed the Bean Sprout more than he would have liked to admit during the 3-day-mission, and the choice between staying where he was with Komui or going with his lover didn't demand much thinking about.

"Wait a minute," Komui said before Kanda could even leave from in front of the desk, "Kanda-kun, there was also something else that the science department found out while you were gone, and you need to know."

The man stood still, waiting while not prompting with words.

'_This had better be important...'_

"Well," he pushed his glasses higher up his nose, distracting himself for less than a second.

'_Shit. It's serious.'_

"To put it bluntly, since there's no nice way to say this," the Chinese man said as quietly as he could, very aware that Allen was still hovering in the entrance, trying not to look like he was waiting for Kanda by examining his boots with fake curiosity, "they are almost completely sure that your natural life has been shortened by all of this. And, as far as we know, there's no way of putting it back to normal."

Kanda blinked at the taller man a couple of times, trying to work out whether he'd just heard him right or not. Surely there was a mistake; this couldn't happen just because of some malicious curse, right? Well, taking into consideration that they were all fighting against a fat man who flew in the sky by a pink talking umbrella, anything was possible really.

He swallowed hard, balling his fists and then relaxing them, telling himself not to get worked up. "How many years?"

"Somewhere around 5-10 we think, but of course we can't measure these things too accurately. It could be a little more; it could be a little less. But," Komui added brightly, seeing the look of horror on the man's face, "it's not going to affect you yet, right? So don't worry about it yet!"

Kanda scowled at him and excused himself hurriedly, reaching the door before Komui even had a chance to stop him and taking a surprised Allen by the arm with him as he left. How _dare_ that siscon man say that he shouldn't worry about it yet? His life had become shorter than natural. That was certainly something to think about.

"Kanda! Wait a second!" Allen exclaimed, shocked to find himself being led god-knows where at such a fast pace so suddenly, "we haven't even said 'welcome back' or 'I'm back' or anything yet..!"

"_Tadaima._"

"_Kanda_! What's going on? What did he tell you? And for god's sake _stop_!"

The Japanese man did as he was told, surprisingly, and spun round to face the shorter boy only to push him into the wall by their side, holding him firm by the shoulders. Allen looked at his black eyes through his own wide silver ones, searching for any hint as to what just happened and why. All he saw was a terrible mix of anger, confusion, and just a little bit of sadness.

"Kanda...?"

The hands on his shoulders clung onto him with an insane force that threatened to bruise the flesh under the clothes he was wearing, and he was being pushed back into the cold brick wall so hard that he was close to crying out in immense pain, but still he looked back at those beautiful eyes, refusing to betray the pain he was in. There had to be a good reason for this.

"If this all comes back to mean nothing," the dark haired man hissed, his teeth clenched together as if he was hurting somewhere, "if you ever run off with someone else, or really become that damn Musician Noah, or get yourself severely injured beyond repair like the complete _baka_ that you are, then I swear I will kill you. There won't be any hesitation, no pathetic attempts to talk me out of it, no crying like a girl; you'll find Mugen sticking out of your heart before you can even say 'good morning'. Is that clear enough for you to understand, Moyashi?"

Allen nodded quickly, feeling utterly terrified of his lover. He had seen him this angry and serious only once or twice before, but it had never been directed at him, and certainly not when they had been together and supposedly in love. Was this really how lovers treated each other?

"I-I understand," he stuttered, suddenly aware of how close they were and how hard the end of the newly repaired Mugen was sticking into his side, as if it was telling him that it would always be there, ready to do it's master's bidding when needed, "of c-course I do. I could never leave you for someone else, a-and I'll do everything I can to not turn into a Noah or get that badly hurt. But... why're you saying this, so suddenly?"

"Che," Kanda cursed, his fingers digging in just a little deeper, causing Allen to bite his lip hard to stop a gasp coming out, "it's all your fault. I can deal with the constant mild pain, the partial loss of my vision when you feel stupidly strongly for me, and the need for more sleep than ever before. But what I _can't _deal with is losing x number of years from my life because of your feelings; call it selfish, but when I get old I'd like to live for several years as a retired man, rather than the possible one or two I'll get instead, but that is of course assuming I live through this damn war. And what about you? You'll get to live; I'm the only one being affected by this _fucking_ curse."

As Kanda had been talking, the younger boy's eyes had gradually grown wider and fuller of tears as he had gone on, and Allen had even started shaking his head ever so slightly in disbelief. Because of him, his loved one was even giving up years of his life for him. It didn't seem selfish of Kanda to feel like that in the slightest.

"You're the only one being affected, are you?" The cursed boy said thickly as his throat closed up from the pressure of his emotions, "you're the only one who will hurt from this? No, I won't shut up; don't push Mugen into me more – listen to me. Even if its years into the future, and even if it takes the time where you're too old to do anything useful anyway, we will all suffer from losing you, especially me. If you died before me then there wouldn't be much time left for me either; I don't want to think of a life without you, not now that I know what it's like with you. I don't want to do this to you..."

"What other alternative is there?" Kanda asked harshly; he didn't physically show that the boy's words had had an immense effect on him. "We can't go back to being how we were before, because even if we wanted to then the damage wouldn't be undone. I have to live a life suffering to some degree or another with or without you, and I'd rather be with you than alone. So if you leave me for any reason, that's it, you're over. Having you die by my hands would be easier to live with than to watch you from a distance every day."

Allen's expression was like a complete opposite of Kanda's at that moment: eyebrows pulled down at the ends, silver orbs swimming in crystal tears, eyes reflecting the desperate remorse in his soul, mouth just partially open to show the slight quivering of his lip... the poor boy was the very image of despair at that point. The Japanese man just looked angry.

"Ok."

Kanda looked at the younger exorcist, confused. _'Ok, what?'_

Allen brought up his hands from his sides to grip onto the taller's upper arms, not nearly as tight as he himself was still being held by the shoulders; it was all he could do to prove that the man was still really there now. "Ok. If I ever leave you for some reason or another, then I won't beg for my life. I'll leave it in your hands. But please understand," his left hand placed itself on the man's cheek now, stroking lightly with the thumb in random circular patterns, "that I will _never_ leave you through my own will. It doesn't matter how bitchy, annoying or rude you are or will be, I'll love you forever; it's not just you who wants us to be together for as long as your curse will allow us."

As if by his younger lover saying that made him realise how hard he was gripping his shoulders, Kanda let go of Allen quickly, holding his hands away from his body awkwardly. Allen took them into his own and guided them to his waist, wanting to be held by the man more now than he had in a long time. The samurai didn't object; in fact, he pulled the boy in closer, taking care not to let Mugen dig into his soft skin.

"Someone up there really doesn't like us, do they." It was a statement. Allen made a noise at the back of his throat to agree – it sounded a bit like a suppressed sob. "Makes me wonder if it was ever worth all the bother. Maybe we should have never got together."

"I hope you don't honestly mean that." The words were accompanied with a small hiccup.

"No, not right now. It's so worth it now... I don't know what I'm saying."

"Then don't say anything at all; you've spoken a lot already today."

Gently, very gently, as if he was terrified of hurting the man, Allen pulled Kanda closer to him by the back of his neck, eventually kissing him ever so delicately on the lips, showing him how much he loved him and how their relationship was so worth losing years of life for. Even by doing such a simple thing as gentle kissing, the older man could feel his muscles begin to ache against the bonds of his curse, but he tried his hardest to ignore the feeling. It was just something he would have to get more used to.

Sliding one hand up the length of Allen's body slowly to eventually reach his face, Kanda caressed the boy's white hair, tangling his fingers up in the colourless locks similarly to how Allen usually liked to do to his own. The kiss, still beautifully delicate and innocent, moved up a step as the shorter exorcist parted his lips without any indication that the man wanted him to do so, letting Kanda do as he wished and take control, which he did. Their tongues danced together in a slow rhythm, not fighting for dominance but rather for equality, unlike their many other shared meetings where passion had threatened to turn into pain.

'_It will never be enough,' _Allen realised miserably, tugging at the collar of Kanda's new red and black exorcist coat to bring him yet closer, _'no matter how much I kiss him, love him, want him, he won't be mine. He's claimed by that curse of his and one day it shall take him. But still, I'm thankful for the time I get to borrow him without permission, even if the result kills me.'_

The 14th cackled somewhere at the back of his mind, telling him that it had been right all along and that Allen really should have listened to it right at the beginning.

'_You're wrong, 14__th__,' _the boy corrected the Noah as he rocked his body into his lover's, begging for more contact between them, more of a display of his affections, ignoring the tear that rolled down his left cheek, _'I can't say that I don't care that our time will be shorter together than I had thought, but if you think about it, it's not too many years and we'll be old anyway; I might lose my memory due to age and be convinced that I've been married to Chaoji for the last 20 years. And, I want to love him now, rather than sit alone in my room and wonder what it would be like to touch him and be loved by him. Right now, and certainly into the foreseeable future, I am happy with Kanda. So you never were right. Sorry.'_

The Noah fell silent in his mind, but the boy could still feel him watching, listening, and experiencing what he was feeling. Not that it mattered too much; the Noah didn't matter at all when he could have Kanda all to himself in that instant, for the first time in 3 long days.

He would have to show him just how _much_ he'd missed him.

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**... Is it selfish to wish for lots of reviews? :3? Hehe~ I tried so hard on the last bit and I really love how it came out; I think I might have got the emotions just right this time! Yey~ I love Kanda ///  
Reviews are love and I will have your babies if you review! Nah~ not really :P next update will come a lot quicker than this one! I'll do my best to get it done and dusted very soon ^^ love~**


	17. The finale forever with you

**Triangle Chapter 17**

**Its here, at long long last! The final chapter of Triangle! x3 thank you to those who have stuck with this project since the beginning, I can honestly say that I deeply love each and every one of you, regardless of whether you reviewed or not 3 I am just so sorry for the 2 month delay; I never thought it would take so long to get such a short chapter out! D: so please, forgive me.**

**This chapter is basically to sum things up, to show that everyone is doing good, that all the differences have been solved, and that the Yullen couple are still happy together, despite their more-than-often disagreements n_n and its set 2 years into their future, because I wanted to try it :] also, if you haven't read up to the newest chapter of the manga, then only read if you don't mind a couple of SPOILERS about Kanda's past. Although we don't know much yet, I tried to include it a little since its quite important and explains a lot about him.**

**If you notice any stupidly retarded mistakes, or for some reason something doesn't make sense, then its because I finished this late at night after writing so many English essays and coursework that my teacher will be the proudest woman in the world once she sees it all.**

**DISCLAIMER: this is a work of fiction. Anything that happens in this chapter/story will probably not happen in the real manga. In fact, I can garuntee it won't T^T also, -man and all its characters do not belong to me. If they did, then I would be partying so hard right now to celebrate and trying to rape my beloved poster of Kanda. Oho~**

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_Dear Lenalee,_

_Hey! How're you doing? Is Russia as amazing as Lavi and Krory keep saying it is? I hope the mission's going well – Komui says there's been no trace of Innocence yet, but that doesn't mean there isn't any there. Good luck finding it :)_

_Things are good here, all in all. Everyone is so hopeful that this damn war will end soon, but to me it doesn't feel like it's close to ending yet, not by a long shot. Our mission numbers have increased dramatically too, so most of us haven't seen each other for weeks! But at least no one else is on a long-term mission like you are – it's so lonely not having you to talk to! :( We're all just having short missions in this country or nearby countries… sorry, that's probably making you feel awful; I'll stop comparing missions now…_

_Kanda's been in a bad mood lately, since he gets the least number of missions out of all of us due to his condition and because he had a fight with one of the Crow. I'm in his room with him at the moment but he's still asleep, or at least I think he is. It's 5am. I can't sleep! I miss you so much lately since there's so much I want to tell you, so I don't sleep much. How long have you been gone? Three, four months, maybe? I can't remember exactly. _

_Oh, and mentioning Kanda's room has reminded me about something… Link stands guard outside now whenever I'm here! D: It's been, what, 2 years since I've been with Kanda, and yet Link still feels the need to 'keep an eye on me', so to speak, regardless of the fact that Kanda made it perfectly clear that he'd kill me if I ever truly became the Fourteenth (he's so lovely). To me, it just seems perverted and stalker-ish, but there you go; he probably doesn't get a kick out of it either, to be honest. He's been following me much more closely lately, but at least he's not a hindrance when on missions; he's quite handy to have around, in fact. _

_Kanda hates him so much! He openly stands there and insults him, even if I tell him to keep his voice down. I thought that by now, the higher-ups would have realised that I refuse to let the Fourteenth take over me and would have had Link withdrawn (to a certain extent), but… they're scared, I guess. But they shouldn't be._

_Kanda hates the Fourteenth, but when I asked why he just said 'because it's a Noah,' and that put him in a bad mood for the rest of the day. But I think there's more to it than that, I think he doesn't like the fact that the Fourteenth is closer to me than he is, but he won't ever openly admit it. He got pretty close one time, but then he called me an idiot and locked me out of his room while he had a shower T^T he can be so cruel…_

_Oh! I completely went off on a huge rant there! I'm so sorry for wasting your time like that! I'll talk about something more interesting to you… oh, guess what!? Lavi asked Miranda to marry him!!! :D I can't believe it! He did it a couple of days ago, when nearly everyone wasn't on missions; only you, Noise and Chaoji weren't there when he did it, although he said afterwards he wished that you guys were there, especially you, Lenalee. Chaoji actually cried when he got back last night and was told the news! Hehe~ I'm so so SO happy for them! They got together a few months after Kanda and I did (well of course you know that, you were there), and Lavi said he wanted to ask her there and then but thought it was better to give it time. They set a date, too: the day after the war ends ^^; that might be… a long while off yet, but they're so optimistic. _

_All this talk about marriage and stuff makes me wonder if Kanda will ever ask me- NO!!! I so didn't just write that! :O! Please pretend you didn't read that. Haha, as if that'd ever happen; as if it'd be allowed in the first place. You'll laugh at this – as I wrote that I must have made some kind of noise because Kanda's just woken up and he's not too happy. He's saying he didn't get to sleep for ages and then I go and wake him up. And now he's reading this over my shoulder (yes I know you're doing it, don't try to cover it up! Haha see, if you weren't reading it you wouldn't know I just wrote that. Gotcha ;D). And now he's moaning about the marriage thing; I wasn't serious, all right!?_

_Anyway! Sorry about that, I didn't mean to put all of that into your precious letter! Kanda's trying to go back to sleep now (and he's giving the door evil looks, so I'm presuming he's thinking about Link), so I'll write as quietly as possible._

_I'm just too excited about Lavi and Miranda! Now that I've written about them I can't stop thinking about them, hehe. For my next mission I asked your brother if I could be partnered with one of them; this may seem a little strange, but I want to stay with them so that I can protect them. If they were to die now, that would be far too upsetting :( So I'll do my best to keep them safe and end this war as fast as possible, for their sake just as much as the rest of the world's._

_Umm… there isn't really much else to say (well there is, but I'm sort of running out of paper). There's lots I could say about various missions, but that'd be a bit boring for you to read. And there isn't really that much gossip currently, and I don't want to whine about Link or Leverrier to you, and Shishou __still__ hasn't been found, alive or dead… not a lot to say!_

_So I'll let you get back to your mission now :) Please feed Tim before sending him back or he'll try to eat me again when he returns! Miss you lots, see you soon I hope!_

_Komui misses you like mad,_

_Love, Allen x_

_P.S. Kanda's woken up again and wants to add something. Please remember he's half asleep, so it may be strange!_

**Lenalee,**

**The damn rabbit can't make tea for shit; yours was always much better, and the health of the science department shows this as plain as day. Hurry up back so that Miranda can make you her maid of honour before we all go mad from listening to her tell us her plans over and over.**

_XXX _**Kanda **_XXX_

**P.S. The idiot Moyashi just put those kisses by my name; don't worry, I'll murder him for it later.**

"Che, you're so damn irritating first thing in the morning, Moyashi-chan," Kanda said in a tone that almost sounded like moaning, ignoring the little sound of protest Allen made as he threw the duvet back over himself and tried, once again, to go back to sleep, "you couldn't even wait until a decent hour to start gushing to Lenalee who, by the way, probably doesn't give a damn if you miss her or not."

"Shut up, _dear_," Allen retorted, loving the way the twenty-one year old flinched at the word, "you're only saying that because you're tired. And of course Lenalee cares; I'm one of her very good friends! And I'm sure she's missing everyone as much as they miss her." He finished addressing the front of the pages and held them up for Timcanpy to take in his mouth, ready to deliver them; he was such a good golem.

"Yeah. Doesn't mean that she needs hundreds of pages from you telling her all of the things she's missing."

The younger exorcist raised an eyebrow at the other man's duvet-covered form, feeling a familiar rush of warm affection for the exhausted Japanese. 2 years together was long enough for Allen to properly come to terms with and understand just about everything that Kanda did and said, and he prided himself on being the only person close enough to him to be able to do this. He doubted that there was much he didn't know about the guy, and there certainly wasn't anything that Kanda didn't know about him since, gradually and sometimes with difficulty, Allen had bared his soul and heart to his lover over the years.

And this, right now, was Kanda's abstract way of saying he cared for Lenalee; while others might just see it as him insulting the shorter boy's actions, Allen knew better than to just take what was on the surface. There had always been a visible bond of friendship between Lenalee and Kanda, and no matter how much the man tried to pretend it wasn't there everyone knew it was, and respected it. It was good for him to have someone to be reasonably close to other than his Allen, despite what he said.

"It's not hundreds of pages, BaKanda," the 18-year old said, his voice gentle now as he leaned over the older man and kissed his forehead, not particularly surprised when Kanda didn't respond to the touch, "it's only three sides of normal paper, and then an extra page for your rant. I haven't even talked about half the things I wanted to, because I don't want to waste her time." The exorcist shrugged, grunting at him to shut up and leave him alone. "Ah," Allen continued; he knew it was like having a death-wish, teasing a very tired and sleep-deprived Kanda, but he couldn't resist this time, "could it be that you're _jealous_, my love? Is that it? Don't you want me talking to anyone but you?"

The white-haired teen couldn't suppress a laugh as Kanda glared at him, his eyes barely open underneath his bangs. "Che, moron," he said; Allen couldn't easily tell if he was actually pissed off or if he was exaggerating. "Don't be too full of yourself. You can talk to whoever you please." He sat up once again, nearly knocking heads with the younger man who was still sitting close as he did, staring at him through dark sleepy eyes, "however," he added, rubbing his eyes with the back of his left hand, "if it turned into flirting then I wouldn't allow that, and I'd kill whoever you were talking to."

"Oh," Allen grinned, wrapping his arms around Kanda's neck happily, ignoring the insult that issued from him as he did so, "so now, since you won't allow me, does that make me your possession?"

"Yeah."

"Love you too, honey."

"And stop it with all these stupid pet names; that's how you'd treat a girlfriend, idiot."

The cursed boy frowned at his lover, his head cocked to one side slightly to try and look at his face properly, since they were so close. Was it him, or was Kanda being harsher and mean to him this morning? Sure, he was sleep-deprived, but there was a limit to how cold he could be to the only person he loved and, so he claimed, cared for.

"Is there something wrong, Kanda?" Allen asked after a few seconds, the gentle tone creeping back into his voice again, "Something doesn't seem quite right with you this morning."

Kanda che'd quietly, "I'm tired."

That wasn't good enough for the other exorcist though. Hugging him just a little bit tighter from behind, pressing his bare chest flush against his back, he whispered in his ear, "is it Link?" That was usually the problem when he didn't act as normal; despite what he said, Kanda always felt uneasy having Link follow Allen everywhere and having him outside the room all the time, even now. It was unnerving.

"No, its not." He said shortly, turning his face away when Allen tried to look at him, "I already said, I'm tired. Just let it be, all right?"

The white haired boy sighed into the curve of Kanda's shoulder, lightly tracing his fingers down over his chest until he reached the Om seal, and in turn started brushing his fingertips against it gently. "Is it this?" He asked quietly; he was absolutely sure he felt the samurai's body stiffen ever so slightly at the question. "Is your seal bothering you? Because if that's it then I want to help, even if it's only listening to what you say."

The older man stared blankly at the white sheets across his lap, subconsciously timing his breathing to Allen's pace, fitting into his rhythm perfectly after growing to know it so well. Slowly, he raised a hand up to cup the other exorcist's face, smiling ever so slightly as he felt the soft skin grow warmer at the touch. "It always bothers me, Moyashi-chan," he said at length, "today isn't very different. I'm just tired of it, of the flower."

"Do you still see that flower?"

Shocked by the sudden question, Kanda turned his face to look at the boy and ask where that had come from, but he was cut short when Allen kissed him hard as soon as they were facing each other. He resisted slightly, more interested in their conversation than in making out at this point, but Allen didn't want to stop yet. Biting at his lover's lower lip a little until he eventually allowed access, the younger man slid his tongue in hungrily, searching and tasting the mouth that he knew so well, almost as if he was expecting to find something different there. At the awkward angle that they were in, Kanda couldn't pull away easily without either falling off the bed or pushing Allen off roughly, and he really didn't feel like doing that.

After struggling to fight off his partner without hurting either of them, Kanda shifted round on the bed to face the shorter man properly, holding him away at arm's length as he tried to tackle him backwards onto the mattress. "What the hell was that, Moyashi?" he asked, firmly holding him away, "I was about to answer you and instead you attack me?"

"Because I love you, BaKanda."

The confession still almost made Kanda blush, even after all the time they'd been together. Almost. "Che," he snorted, frowning at Allen while thinking that he looked terribly delicious with his hair messy and sticking out at odd ends from not being brushed yet, "how do you know I see them?"

The boy looked genuinely surprised. "Them?"

The flowers, retard. You just said it yourself."

"You see more than one?"

The Japanese eyed him carefully, loosening his grip on his lightly muscled arms slightly. "Of course I do. I see a room full everywhere I go. How much do you actually know and _how_ do you know it? I never mentioned anything like this to you before." It had to be Bak. And if it was, then he was going to suffer a very slow and humiliating death in front of the whole order.

Allen squirmed in the man's grip a little, looking at the duvet to avoid Kanda's dark gaze, "You know I'm good at lying and poker and all that, right? Well, after I saw Bak trying to talk to you one time, I pretended I knew everything about why you wouldn't talk to him so that he would discuss it with me, and he mentioned that he asks you that question from time to time… you won't get angry with him, will you?"

"No." Kanda sighed, _'I'll just cut him into tiny pieces later.'_

"I'm sorry," the white haired boy said in a rush, suddenly looking miserable and flushed, "the question just sort of came out, I didn't want to bring up whether or not you see an illusion of a flower everywhere, but I couldn't think of anything else at the time so that just came out since I've been thinking about it continuously for a while now, its been on my mind so much more lately, and-"

"How long have you known?" he felt slightly taken aback; had the boy known for a long time but been able to keep quiet up until now? Or had he only found out the day before?

"About a… year, I guess."

Kanda nearly choked on his own tongue in utter shock; luckily though, he was able to cover up his surprise incredibly well as he always did. He let go of Allen's arms now and sat back a little, "che, why didn't you say anything? And how could it just come out now of all times? That was pretty careless of you, baka."

Allen smiled sheepishly, tilting his head downwards and looking up at the man through the bangs that had fallen in front of his eyes, "I know. That's why I kissed you afterwards, hoping for it to lead on to something much noisier, as an apology for bringing it up." Kanda didn't look impressed in the slightest. "Guess that's not going to happen today, is it…" it was worth a try, even now.

"Well I'm certainly awake now, at least." That was all he was getting. The 18 year old's little smile spread marginally wider and he chuckled lightly.

"I guess… I wanted you to know," he said at last, after staring at a mark on the wall that Kanda had made a few weeks earlier with Mugen; it wasn't like he had _intended _to get drunk with Marie that awful evening, and it wasn't like he had _wanted_ to throw Mugen across the room like a javelin before collapsing, asleep, on his bed beside a very confused and frightened Bean Sprout, who he had woken up upon crashing into the room in a very loud way. "I wanted you to know that I knew, I suppose. I didn't like keeping it to myself, but I didn't want you to know that I knew in case you didn't want me to know."

"Which I don't."

"Right." he was losing and he knew it. But what else could he do now? It was better that Kanda knew that his lover knew the truth, or at least a portion of his truth.

The dark haired man cast his eyes down at last, tearing away from the silver lashes of the younger male; he wouldn't know anything beyond this. It was fine for him to know that he saw illusions of lotus flowers wherever he went, as long as he never knew why or for what reason.

"But still," Allen continued, causing Kanda's eyes to snap back up to his face, which was now slightly pink and teary-eyed, "why did you keep it from me, Kanda? I thought we knew everything about each other?"

"Che, we do." He retorted, his tone a little harsher than he would have ideally liked, "everything that I am is open to you; I never denied you of that, Moyashi-chan. But everything that happened in the past is going to remain there, in the past. The people involved at that time are still involved even now, and no one else, not even you, is allowed to become a part of that. All right?"

Allen shook his head a little sadly and shuffled forwards, closer to Kanda, so that he could cup his face in his hands gently, thumbs moving in small circular patterns upon his skin; despite his strong words, Kanda didn't pull away from the touch but rather leaned into the soft contact slightly. "No, I don't think its ok, love," the English said honestly, refusing to look away from the man's eyes even when he narrowed them a fraction, "because, although this is horrifically selfish, I want to know – I want to be a part, if I can, of your past. Whatever happened, whatever you are," he paused as the Japanese exorcist seemed to react to that, but it passed so quickly that he convinced himself it had been his imagination, "I will love you, always. I can't stop feeling this, right here." Taking his hands away from his face, Allen took up Kanda's right hand in his and placed it on his bare chest, atop of his heart. "This here, it beats because of you and Mana. Different kinds of love driving me to do different kinds of things. I can never let go of the part that drives me to live with you, for you. I can't give you up, no matter what."

He smiled at the cursed man, hoping to convey that everything would be all right, that he really could open up and tell him everything. To his horror, Kanda was blushing and looking completely at a loss as to what he should say. He opened his mouth once to speak, failed, closed it, and looked away.

"Che. Little idiot."

"Oh, Kanda… I said something really stupid, didn't I…?"

"No, just something really feminine. I'd expect that kind of speech from Lenalee."

Allen laughed lightly, but it was a fake laughter and his lover knew it all too well. Still blushing in a fashion that just made him angry and embarrassed with himself, Kanda pulled the cursed boy towards him in an awkward hug, holding him firmly and tightly around the shoulders and nestling his chin in the startling white messy hair.

"Believe me; it's not for you to know," the man said with finality, "especially not now. Now's not the time to discuss my past. If it comes up one day with that fucktard Bak or even with Renee, then you'll have every right to know then. Just…" Allen lifted his head an inch to try and catch Kanda's expression, but unfortunately he couldn't see it, "if you ever find out, I don't want you to dwell on it. Accept it, learn to deal with it, and move on. If you can't, then…"

"…then?"

"I don't know. I don't want to think about it." His voice was riddled with defeat, and the smaller man hadn't heard him speak like that for a very long time, maybe not ever. It almost broke his heart.

Curling his arms around the samurai's exposed chest in such a way that Kanda felt compelled to run his fingers through that shocking white hair, Allen hugged him and laid his cheek against his muscled torso, listening to his heart beating and the rate of his breathing. "I will," he said in a hushed voice, his breath tickling the bare skin against his face, "whatever it is, it won't change the fact that you're you, Kanda, the man who very rarely smiles and refuses to shake hands with cursed people, despite being cursed himself. That's what you are, and I adore it."

"Heh, you still remember me saying that to you?"

"Yeah, of course, it was the first time we ever met. Aren't you glad you didn't kill me then?"

"Hmm…"

Allen rolled his eyes and sighed, his tone betraying him and showing that he wasn't really annoyed at all. "I love you."

Kanda stroked the top of his head and looked down, feeling more at peace now than he had done for a while. If there was anyone who would deal well with his truth, then it would be Allen and he knew it. Until the day came when he would have to reveal everything, he could enjoy being close to the one person he wanted, and could enjoy every minute that he could manage with him.

"I love you too," he replied, kissing the top of his head gently. Allen once again tried to look up, and managed to do so this time without too much difficulty.

"Wow," he grinned, "you hardly ever say it out loud. Did I hit an emotional nerve somewhere inside you?"

"Che, no," Kanda grinned back, his eyes now suddenly glinting; Allen recognised that look and giggled, anticipating what would come next, "but you can bet I'll be hitting a nerve inside _you _pretty soon, Moyashi-chan. Since you seem so keen to know everything about me, I think in return I deserve to know everything about you, but physically, instead."

"Idiot," the English smiled, sitting up and linking his hands behind the taller man's neck, "you already know all of that."

"I forgot it all already," he teased as Allen started to straddle his lap, trying to bring them closer and closer, "you'll have to let me do it all over again."

"Good thing you aren't sleepy anymore, isn't it."

"Thanks to you, yes."

The younger exorcist smiled a smile of bliss and bent down slightly to drop a small kiss on his man's lips. Right now, he was happy without knowing about Kanda's past. What was important was that he was there with him, loving him and giving him everything he needed, physically and mentally, ready to be there to support and defend him as he was needed. Even the Fourteenth, who's voice had been growing louder the last few days, had remained silent in his head throughout the last conversation and was only now beginning to quietly protest, saying how _that man_ could never deliver true happiness to Allen Walker.

But what did he know? And if he was right, then what did Allen care? They were there, together and obviously happy in each other's company at present, so what did it matter if their future was utterly black and cheerless? No doubt about it; it was going to happen some time. There was no way to get through this war wearing nothing but a smile. But as long as they were together, now, then there was nothing else that Allen required or needed.

Letting himself be gently pushed backwards, Allen inhaled deeply, his voice needy and lustful as Kanda silenced him with a deep and meaningful kiss. How could sitting alone in his own room, wondering what all this would be like, beat experiencing the real thing? The Fourteenth really did have things to learn, even now; he'd gone over all this before with him, he was sure. The boy just prayed that his eyes didn't change colour now, of all times.

'_Let Link hear it all,' _Allen thought through the haze of lust, rocking his body upwards to meet Kanda's, a soft little moan slipping through his teeth as he gave up trying to hold it in, _'this is my happiness, and it is also his. Do as you please, Central, throw whatever you want at me, I can take it. As long as I have this person, who I love so much, I can deal with anything that you, or he, throws at me'_

'_My left hand is for the Akuma. My right hand is for the people. And my body, heart and soul… well, that's for Kanda, and no one else. Sorry Fourteenth; you lose this fight.'_

The End.

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**Reviewers, I love you. Non-reviewers, I love you too. Anything is welcome, although flaming makes Hika sad ;A; not that its happened yet, but... ;) thanks for reading! Thanks for putting up with the crap I produce! I hope to see you again soon in my new DGM fic :3 goodbye for now~ xxx**


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